WorldWide 158

Sprint Center | Kansas City, Missouri | February 15 2012

And now... for our MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN EVENT! The Red Raver gets her opportunity to prove that she's the threat everyone expects her to be in Dangerous Games as she goes one-on-one with GCW's resident misogynist, Triumph Frost, inside of HELLLLL IN A CELLLLLL (read in old evil WWE voice). While Aimz tries to prove she belongs at the top, Triumph Frost tries to prove she belongs in the kitchen in what is sure to be a CRAZY NIGHT, LIIIIIIIIVE IN KANSAS CITY~!
























YALE: PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!!!!



Bryan: Oh God, not that again...

Yale: I think I soiled myself.

Back to Top

Joey Andrews - This match is an Exploding Glass Razor Wire Roped Burning Thumb Tacks Bloodtacular Hardcore DOOM~! Match. Coming to the ring first, weighing in at 183 pounds, from Philadelphia, PA, Dr. Kasidy Drake!!! (crowd boos ********)

["The Fated March" by KJ Martin plays. ]

Joey Andrews - The second in this three way match, weighing in at 265 pounds, from Republic, OH, Xander Searle!!! (crowd cheers ***)

["Metallic Rage" plays. ]

Joey Andrews - And third, weighing in at 287 pounds, from San Francisco, CA, Eddie Whisky!!! (crowd boos **)

[Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries (Kazoo Remix)" plays. Dr. Kasidy Drake places Xander Searle on the turnbuckle and executes a front-layout suplerplex. Xander Searle places Eddie Whisky on the turnbuckle and executes a front-layout suplerplex. Hal Jenkins checks Eddie Whisky's boots and knee pads. (ring, ring, ring) Xander Searle gives Dr. Kasidy Drake a reverse neckbreaker. Xander Searle gets back to his feet. Dr. Kasidy Drake slaps Xander Searle. Dr. Kasidy Drake kicks Xander Searle in the head. Dr. Kasidy Drake puts Xander Searle in an arm grapevine submission. Xander Searle gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Dr. Kasidy Drake. Dr. Kasidy Drake climbs to his feet. Now Xander Searle standing. Dr. Kasidy Drake pokes Xander Searle in the eye with his thumb. Xander Searle uses a belly-to-belly suplex. Dr. Kasidy Drake is down. Xander Searle chants start. Xander Searle takes Dr. Kasidy Drake to the floor to get the ladder. ]

James Bryan - Weapons are everywhere all over ringside where the ladder is.

David Yale - The World Wrestling Federation is the only place to find matches like this!

James Bryan - You mean Global Championship Wrestling.

David Yale - Right. What I said.

[Xander Searle hits Dr. Kasidy Drake with an elbowdrop. Dr. Kasidy Drake is up again. Dr. Kasidy Drake tackles Xander Searle and pummels his head. Dr. Kasidy Drake knees Xander Searle and rolls back to his feet. Now Xander Searle standing. Dr. Kasidy Drake executes a huge gutbuster on Xander Searle. Dr. Kasidy Drake measures Xander Searle up and drops a closed fist. Dr. Kasidy Drake is back on his feet. Dr. Kasidy Drake stomps Xander Searle's head. Xander Searle is back on his feet. Xander Searle knocks Dr. Kasidy Drake out with a tilt-a-whirl powerslam. Xander Searle goes into the ring with the ladder. Dr. Kasidy Drake follows. ]

James Bryan - This is how wrestling should be!

[Xander Searle kicks Dr. Kasidy Drake on the the ladder. Xander Searle fist drops Dr. Kasidy Drake on the the ladder. Xander Searle is up again. Dr. Kasidy Drake gets up. Xander Searle gets hit with a back heel kick. ]

David Yale - back heel kick by Dr. Kasidy Drake.

[Dr. Kasidy Drake executes a corkscrew legdrop on Xander Searle. Dr. Kasidy Drake moves back to his feet. Xander Searle is up again. Eddie Whisky with a gut-wrench suplex on Xander Searle. Eddie Whisky climbs to his feet. Eddie Whisky goes up the ladder. Eddie Whisky and Xander Searle move back to ringside. Dr. Kasidy Drake leg drops the throat of Xander Searle. Dr. Kasidy Drake and Xander Searle move into the ring taking the ladder. Dr. Kasidy Drake climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and executes the diving headbutt on Xander Searle. Dr. Kasidy Drake gets up. Dr. Kasidy Drake applies an arm wrench to Xander Searle. Dr. Kasidy Drake hits Xander Searle with an elbowdrop. Dr. Kasidy Drake sucks chants start in the crowd. Dr. Kasidy Drake gets up. Dr. Kasidy Drake with a falling splash on Xander Searle. Dr. Kasidy Drake stands up. Dr. Kasidy Drake grabs Xander Searle and hits him with the Endocrine Driver. Hal Jenkins counts - one, two, three! ]

James Bryan - Dr. Kasidy Drake has won the match!

Joey Andrews - The winner of this match, Dr. Kasidy Drake!!!

Back to Top

[Yale & Bryan are sitting ringside. Dave is eating some chicken.]


DY: Dude, don't shout.

JB: We've still got a rock solid card tonight, and we're moments away -- instants away -- from a TLC match, but right now--hang on, I'm being told that--cut backstage!

[Screen-wipe to backstage, like Star Wars before the Phantom Menace because that movie sucked.]

[A long stretch limousine pulls up outside the Sprint Center. It is big and long and a black so dark your eyes kind of slide off of it. It's blaaaaack, we're saying. With five A's.]

[The driver's side door opens, and Roderick Ashe climbs out, wearing a suit jacket and a chauffeur's cap.]

JB: That's second-largest athlete in GCW right there behind only Rasa II there, fans! Quinn Gregory's bodyguard, Roderick Ashe.

DY: The world's only New Yorker-sounding Kiwi!

[Ashe crosses to the back of the limo, pulling it open. For some reason, the camera swings down to ground level, which does two things. 1.) It makes Roderick Ashe look OMG TALL. 2.) It gives us a nice ground-up view of the hottie climbing out of the back seat.]

[We start with the Jimmy Choo calf leather ankle boots with the five-inch stiletto heels, sweeping up an expanse of bare leg to a polka dotted Versace miniskirt, midriff bared by the accompanying zip-front sleeveless jacket-top. We freeze jerkily - complete with the sound of a record skipping - at the glittery black neck brace wrapped around her neck.]

[Stop the pan-up. Back to normal view as Quinn Gregory is assisted to her feet by Ashe. She blinks away a grimace, touching her hand to the neck brace.]


JB: She's only eighteen, Dave.

DY: Which means it's finally legal for me to shout, "PUPPIES, JB!"

[As the Devil's Daughter winces again - this time with a swallow - another pair of well-dressed people, a blond gentleman and a mahogany-haired woman, step around the car, falling in obsequiosly (sp?) at her side. The woman steps in, partly blocking the girl from the camera as she offers Quinn a sip of water.]

Woman: No cameras, no cameras...

[Up trots GCW's Barry Goldstein, who is douchey and helmet-haired.]

BG: Quinn, if we could--

[The Devil's Daughter and her entourage begin the trek towards the building.]

BG: Quinn!

[Ashe palms the camera's lens.]

RA: She sez no.

[The other man is somewhat nigglingly familiar, especially if you've seen every episode of every Desade and Company in all three feds. His name is Andreas van der Wal, which would make the other woman Siena van der Wal, his sister. Or maybe wife. Or perhaps cousin. They were Cozen's "handlers" back in PRIME.]

AvdW: Now, now, let us not be hasty. Release the camera, my simian comrade.

[He pronounces it "com-raid", because he's a dirty foreigner.]

[The camera is released briefly, shuddering as it comes back up to stability, focused on the blond man's handsome features. Everything about him screams "lawyer"; he's even grabbing the lapels of his blazer as he speaks.]

AvdW: My name is Andreas van der Wal, and my associate Siena and I are the legal representation for Ms. Gregory.

BG: And why does she need legal representation?

AvdW: I should think that was obvious. And if it was not... it will be soon.

BG: What does that mean?

[Neither van der Wal nor Gregory answer, and Ashe shoulders aside the cameraman.]

BG: What does that mean? Quinn... Quinn, where's your mom? Will Alex be here tonight?

[The girl stops, and turns, lowering her sunglasses slightly.]

QG: Do you think my mom would be caught dead in Kansas City? She has one goal, Bart--

BG: Barry.

QG: That's what I said. Mom will be coming to St. Louis with one goal, one purpose - she's winning Dangerous Games. Nothing else matters.

BG: So why are you here?

QG: Personal reasons.

[Ashe pulls open the blue Wrestlers' And Guests' Entrance door, and the van der Wals step inside. Quinn turns at the last, tipping down her glasses again.]

QG: I think that will all become clear soon enough.

[Cut away.]

DY: Man, that was just missing the evil laugh.

JB: Quinn Gregory apparently here with her bodyguard and her lawyers and a neck brace?

DY: "Apparently"? Were you just not paying any attention?

JB: It remains to be seen what Quinn and her entourage are up to--

DY: No, seriously, were you on the phone or something? Because this is kind of ridiculous.

JB: We've got so much more here on WORLDWIDE, live from Kansas City! Don't touch that dial!

Back to Top

A wooden display door stands alone in the back corridor, while a sign that reads 'knock' hangs from the handle. As the camera scene zooms out, in the distance some ten feet away is a reminiscent scene of the past: Sexton Hardon, Alexander Redding and Grady Patrick sitting around a fold up poker table. Hardon and Redding wear the same attire as last year’s retro event, except one slight difference: Red and Ted Protection Agency has since been replaced with a question mark.

Redding: You know that little name change of yours has really fucked things up, right?

Hardon: My little name change was the jump start I needed to achieve that next level in my career.

Hardon smirks as he showcases the coveted Television Championship and now retired Hardcore Championship.

Redding: That makes no sense. You are still the exact same person, well with slightly less facial hair. From the creepy uncle beard to the perv ‘stache.

Hardon: It's called reinvention. All those self help guru's have done it, and look at them now: Millionaires. Just give me a few more months and boom!

Redding: What? You'll be broke as usual because of your little alcohol slash drug slash whore issues?

Hardon: One step at a time, one step at a time.

Grady: Boys, let’s get back on track here.

Red hand swipes his face as Hardon bares his smirk, glancing back and forth at his recently won accolades.

Grady: Fact is, your name change does leave us in quite the predicament. Red and Ted doesn't cut it anymore since Ted is a name of the past. This issue needs to be resolved going forward as Red and Ted has been plastered on everything imaginable.

Redding: And that’s back to my point. These poor fans don’t know how to cheer us, or what do write on those witty signs we show at the beginning of these shows. We’re getting killed in concessions because they won’t buy the Tees.

Grady: Red and Ted are dead. Dammit, it was catchy!

Hardon places his hand of cards face down on the table, his smile growing wider than ever. The newly shaved in mustache makes him look all the more creepier which oddly attracts more woman than you'd expect.

Hardon: I thought you guys would never ask.

Redding: Ask what?

Hardon whistles, and stumbling through the doorway is some nineteen-year-old blond with a large box labeled with another question mark. She drops it onto the table, all the while Grady fixating on her rather large assets. Red however knows better, as this girl has probably lied about her age and is one good fucking away from sending Hardon to jail.

Hardon: My associates, I present to you the marketing campaign of the decade. Red and Ted sold well and raked in a sizable profit, but this right here will surpass that amount, ten fold.

Redding: Is this part of your months to millionaire scheme?

Hardon: I present to you...

The blonde has now opened the box, and pulled out a folded up t-shirt. She slowly unfolds the shirt as Red and Grady look on curiously as to what exactly has Hardon so excited. With the shirt fully unfolded, Red simply shakes his head while Grady stares, speechless.

Hardon: Big Red Hardon!

Redding: You’ve got to be shitting me. Does this jailbait have something else in that box?

Grady has pulled himself together enough to reach for his smartphone. He thumbs away viciously.

Grady: I’m looking this one up on Urban Dictionary.

Redding: I mean, not to be insulting or anything, but we went from something simple and in no-way could be mistaken for a sexual mishap to a t-shirt of a guy sticking his dick into a beehive?

Grady: Nothing on Urban Dictionary, yet.

Hardon: It’s what they did in Africa before they could get black market Viagra. And trust me, sex sells. Here, give this a listen. Big Red Hard-on.

He claps five times. On the second chorus, our unnamed blonde joins in.

Hardon: Big Red Hard-on.

Five more claps. This time, Grady’s caught on to the chant.

Hardon: Big Red Hard-on.

Red waives his hand in the air, and grabs Grady’s to stop him from clapping.

Redding: Fine. Whatever. You know I’m going to have to kill a guy just to get any street cred back, right?

Grady: That’s the spirit. But, what about these skits? Big Red Hardon Protection Agency doesn't really promote protection now does it?

Hardon: Hey, speaking of protection, turn the shirt around. Go ahead, show them.

The blonde turns the shirt, which again is met by head shaking disapproval from Red, but Grady nodding in approval, fully behind this new campaign.

Redding: Bottoms Up, Standards Down?

Hardon: Catchy isn't it, but that's not what I am talking about. Look at the bottom seam.

Grady: Trojan: Americas #1 Condom For Over 90 Years?

Hardon: We have our first ever sponsor, a company that brought in over $270 million in revenue last year alone.

Red actually smiles for the first time during this conversation, seeming to like the possibilities of where this could lead GCW's favorite duo. Hardon sees his opening, having slightly broken Red's shell, and seizes the opportunity.

Hardon: So, what do you say buddy. Reinvention is the way of the future. Big Red Hardon. The campaign that is destined to bring new found career wealth, and personal wealth to two kids from the scummiest parts of Southern Ontario.

Redding: Godliness is next to cleanliness, and them green backs can keep these hands cleans. And to think I was questioning where you were headed with this.

Hardon: Thatta boy!

A generic stage hand walks towards the men around the cheap table, who is immediately redirected by all three back to the doors. Confused, he walks back towards the door, knocks, and enters to the satisfaction of Big Red Hardon.

Stage Hand: Mr. Redding, your match is next, and Mr. Hardon, you'll need to start heading out for your pending street fight.

Red and Hardon both sit up from their chairs, and share a hearty handshake wishing luck to one another before parting separate ways. The stage hand checks out the blonde, but leaves knowing he has no chance with such a beauty, leaving her all alone with Grady.

Blonde: So, Sexton says you are like rich or something?

Grady looks directly into the camera, wide eyed with the slightest tear developing.

Grady: God bless you Sexton Hardon.

JB: Looks like Grady Patrick...


Back to Top

David Yale - This match is a Double Table match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 220 pounds, from Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, Alexander Redding!!! (crowd boos *******)

["Machine Gun Blues" by Social Distortion plays ]

David Yale - and his opponent, weighing in at 129 pounds, from Highland Park, Illinois, Vivica J. Valentine!!! (crowd cheers ***********)

["Image of the Invisible" by Thrice plays Alexander Redding walks around the ring. Vivica J. Valentine walks around the ring. (ding, ding, ding) Alexander Redding with an Aztecan suplex on Vivica J. Valentine sends her to the the mat. Alexander Redding gets up. Vivica J. Valentine gets up. Vivica J. Valentine comes from behind and bulldogs Alexander Redding. Vivica J. Valentine climbs to her feet. Vivica J. Valentine grabs Alexander Redding and applies an arm wrench. Vivica J. Valentine takes a slap to the face from Alexander Redding. Now Alexander Redding standing. Vivica J. Valentine uses a snap mare takeover on Alexander Redding. ]

James Bryan - Vivica J. Valentine executes a snap mare.

[Alexander Redding is up again. Alexander Redding hits Vivica J. Valentine with an atomic drop. Alexander Redding sucks chants start in the crowd. They lockup. Alexander Redding sends Vivica J. Valentine to the corner of the ring. Alexander Redding executes a huge gutbuster on Vivica J. Valentine. Now Vivica J. Valentine standing. Vivica J. Valentine uppercuts Alexander Redding. Alexander Redding executes a huge gutbuster on Vivica J. Valentine. Alexander Redding clotheslines Vivica J. Valentine. Alexander Redding slaps the face of Vivica J. Valentine. Alexander Redding climbs to his feet. Alexander Redding trys for a running neckbreaker drop but Vivica J. Valentine avoids it. Alexander Redding and Vivica J. Valentine move from the ring to ringside ]

David Yale - Is this a great match or what?

James Bryan - Yeah, you know it.

[Alexander Redding introduces a chair into the match. Alexander Redding attempts to hit Vivica J. Valentine with a chair, but she avoids it. Vivica J. Valentine kicks Alexander Redding in the stomach, making Alexander Redding drop the chair. Alexander Redding kicks Vivica J. Valentine in the gut, takes a few steps back, and scissor kicks her to the the ringside mat. ]

David Yale - What a scissor kick!!

[Alexander Redding introduces a ladder into the match. Alexander Redding sets up the ladder at ringside. Vivica J. Valentine uses a snap mare takeover on Alexander Redding. Vivica J. Valentine takes down the ladder. Vivica J. Valentine takes a slap to the face from Alexander Redding. Alexander Redding takes Vivica J. Valentine back into the ring. ]

James Bryan - It was a smart move to the ring. Vivica J. Valentine no longer has to watch out for weapons.

David Yale - This is how wrestling should be!

[They lockup. Alexander Redding sends Vivica J. Valentine to the corner of the ring. Vivica J. Valentine trys for a belly-to-back suplex but is unable to lift Alexander Redding. Alexander Redding with an Aztecan suplex on Vivica J. Valentine sends her to the the mat. Alexander Redding moves back to his feet. Vivica J. Valentine comes from behind and bulldogs Alexander Redding. Vivica J. Valentine moves back to her feet. Vivica J. Valentine grabs Alexander Redding and applies an arm wrench. ]

David Yale - Alexander Redding takes a arm wrench.

[Now Alexander Redding standing. Vivica J. Valentine takes a slap to the face from Alexander Redding. Alexander Redding with an Aztecan suplex on Vivica J. Valentine sends her to the the mat. Alexander Redding gets back to his feet. Vivica J. Valentine stands up. Vivica J. Valentine trys for a double underhook superplex but is not strong enough to lift Alexander Redding. Alexander Redding with an exploder suplex on Vivica J. Valentine. Alexander Redding gets up. ]

David Yale - Damn! These two are almost as good as me. Wouldn't you agree?

James Bryan - Nope.

[Alexander Redding sets Vivica J. Valentine up DDTs her into the the mat. Alexander Redding sucks chants start in the crowd. Alexander Redding chases Vivica J. Valentine out to the floor. Vivica J. Valentine is up again. Vivica J. Valentine uses a snap mare takeover on Alexander Redding. Vivica J. Valentine grabs Alexander Redding and applies an arm wrench. Alexander Redding is up again. Alexander Redding executes a huge gutbuster on Vivica J. Valentine. Vivica J. Valentine moves back to her feet. Vivica J. Valentine trys for a belly-to-back suplex but is unable to lift Alexander Redding. Vivica J. Valentine uppercuts Alexander Redding. ]

David Yale - uppercut!

[Vivica J. Valentine uses a snap mare takeover on Alexander Redding. Alexander Redding delivers a stiff inverted powerbomb send Vivica J. Valentine hard to the the ringside mat. Alexander Redding introduces a first table into the match. Alexander Redding tosses Vivica J. Valentine back into the ring and follows after her. ]

James Bryan - It was a smart move to the ring. Vivica J. Valentine no longer has to watch out for weapons.

[Vivica J. Valentine is up again. Vivica J. Valentine trys for a belly-to-back suplex but is unable to lift Alexander Redding. Vivica J. Valentine takes a slap to the face from Alexander Redding. Alexander Redding is up again. Alexander Redding with an Aztecan suplex on Vivica J. Valentine sends her to the the mat. Vivica J. Valentine comes from behind and bulldogs Alexander Redding. Vivica J. Valentine climbs to her feet. Vivica J. Valentine grabs Alexander Redding and applies an arm wrench. ]

David Yale - arm wrench!

[Vivica J. Valentine applies an arm wrench to Alexander Redding. Alexander Redding is back on his feet. Alexander Redding picks Vivica J. Valentine up in a fireman's carry and flapjacks her. ]

James Bryan - What an outstanding match!

[Vivica J. Valentine gets back to her feet. Vivica J. Valentine uppercuts Alexander Redding. ]

David Yale - uppercut!

[Alexander Redding executes a huge gutbuster on Vivica J. Valentine. Vivica J. Valentine trys for a belly-to-back suplex but is unable to lift Alexander Redding. Alexander Redding slaps Vivica J. Valentine in the face. Alexander Redding gets back to his feet. Alexander Redding with an Aztecan suplex on Vivica J. Valentine sends her to the the mat. Alexander Redding gets up. Vivica J. Valentine is back on her feet. Vivica J. Valentine nails Alexander Redding with a huge slingshot sommersault splash. Vivica J. Valentine chants start. Vivica J. Valentine chases Alexander Redding out to the floor. ]

James Bryan - Vivica J. Valentine can get a weapon at ringside.

[Alexander Redding executes a huge gutbuster on Vivica J. Valentine. Now Vivica J. Valentine standing. Alexander Redding executes a huge gutbuster on Vivica J. Valentine. They lockup. Alexander Redding sends Vivica J. Valentine to the corner of ringside. Alexander Redding introduces a second table into the match.]

James Bryan - Alexander Redding executes a weak move.

[Vivica J. Valentine comes from behind and bulldogs Alexander Redding. Now Alexander Redding standing. Alexander Redding slaps the face of Vivica J. Valentine. Alexander Redding gets back to his feet. Vivica J. Valentine trys for a fisherman suplex but is not strong enough to lift Alexander Redding. Vivica J. Valentine takes Alexander Redding to the top of the second table. Vivica J. Valentine knocks Alexander Redding off of the second table. ]

David Yale - I wish every match could be like this! Is that the greatest move ever or what?

James Bryan - Yeah, you know it.

[Alexander Redding picks Vivica J. Valentine up and executes a stomachbreaker. Alexander Redding takes Vivica J. Valentine to the top of the second table. Alexander Redding throws Vivica J. Valentine off the table to the ringside mats. Alexander Redding suplexes Vivica J. Valentine. ]

David Yale - Nice power move by Alexander Redding.

[Alexander Redding tosses Vivica J. Valentine back into the ring and follows after her. Alexander Redding sets Vivica J. Valentine up DDTs her into the the mat. Vivica J. Valentine stands up. Alexander Redding with an Aztecan suplex on Vivica J. Valentine sends her to the the mat. Vivica J. Valentine is back on her feet. ]

James Bryan - What an outstanding match!

[Vivica J. Valentine hits Alexander Redding with a superkick. The crowd is beginning to chant Vivica J. Valentine. Vivica J. Valentine stacks the first table on top of the second table. Vivica J. Valentine introduces a ladder into the match. Vivica J. Valentine sets up the ladder. Vivica J. Valentine climbs the ladder. Now Alexander Redding is standing. Alexander Redding climbs the ladder. Vivica J. Valentine takes a slap to the face from Alexander Redding. ]

James Bryan - Vivica J. Valentine is in a precarious position here.

[Vivica J. Valentine uppercuts Alexander Redding, knocking him off of the ladder and onto the top of the stacked tables. ]

David Yale - uppercut!

[Vivica J. Valentine ascends the ladder. Vivica J. Valentine hits Alexander Redding with The Second City Air Raid. ]

James Bryan - Vivica J. Valentine has won the match!

David Yale - The winner of this match, Vivica J. Valentine!!!

Back to Top


DY: Those are some badass puppies!

JB: Both these guys are basically dead. They left absolutely everything in that ring tonight in an absolute Pier 6 brawl!

DY: It looks like a bomb hit a Home Depot out here.

JB: Vivica rolls out to the floor! Redding props himself up in the corner! Vivica might have won this battle, but you've gotta think that the real winners are the other participants in the Dangerous Games match, because --

[Bryan's hyperbole is interrupted by the '80s-riffic guitars of Alice Cooper and Ke$ha's "What Baby Wants".]

She gonna come for you
And you can try to run and hide
No matter what you do
She gonna take you deep inside

JB: What's this?

[The flickering, disco lighting draws attention up to the top of the ramp, where the backlit silhouette of a young woman waits.]

JB: I'm not sure what--

DY: Do you not pay attention at all?

You're thinkin' (ooh-ooh!)
This could be a dream come true
But you don't really understand
She feeds on flesh and blood and boys like you
She gonna make you be a man

DY: I mean--

[There's no pyro, but the flashbulbs of photographers provide some fireworks of their own, as the lights come up to reveal Quinn Gregory standing there, a hand on her hip. Her smirk is small but sly as she steps out onto the stage.]

DY: Puppies! She's finally coming into her own!

JB: I'm supposed to give you a setup line here right?

DY: Instead of coming into my own!

She'll take your bleeding heart and your soul, no regrets

[Quinn steps out onto the ramp, flanked by the blond man and mahogany-haired woman we learned earlier were named Andreas and Siena van der Wal and trailed by the massive Mushmouth Man-Mountain named Roderick Ashe.]

JB: Quinn coming down to ringside with her legal advisors and her bodyguard... we don't know why?

DY: Well, she's had some problems with both Redding and Valentine but why do you need me to explain everything?

'Cause what baby wants (what baby wants, wants, wants)
Baby gets (she gonna, gonna, gonna get, get)
What baby wants (what baby wants, wants, wants)
Baby gets (she gonna, gonna, gonna get, get)

[Ashe steps on the bottom rope and pulls up the middle to allow the two ladies and the (let's face it) scrawny blond gent into the ring.]

JB: Apparently, we're going to hear from the Devil's Daughter - or rather her legal representation - here.

DY: Seriously, are you new?

It's Andreas van der Wal that holds the microphone, while his sister (or wife or cousin) stands nearby, preening over the girl like her continued employment depends on it - which... yeah, it probably does.]

AvdW: Before we begin... I beseech you, clear this refuse out of the ring. Our client may injure herself!

[Siena leans in, one brow raised. Her accent is even thicker than her brother/husband/cousin's.]

SvdW: She is a fragile young thing! You--

[She snaps her fingers at a ringside technician, pointing to a pile of refuse.]

SvdW: Do your job! You are causing emotional stress to this girl! We will sue you and all your families!

[As the ringside crew begin to clean, the participants in the hard-hitting TLC match recover at ringside. Redding and his manager linger at the base of the ramp, while Vivica leans against the barricade.]

AvdW: I want you to know that if it were up to us, this little chat would not have happened.

SvdW: It would have been handled by the firm hand of a process server, away from the... the...

AvdW: The unwashed masses of a hellhole like Kansas City.


AvdW: What is that smell? Is that supposed to be barbecue?

SvdW: As if there were barbecue outside of Memphis.

AvdW: As if.

JB: They're just baiting this crowd!

DY: No, really?

AvdW: As we were saying. Our client is a model citizen. A fine young woman.

SvdW: A credit to her mother.

AvdW: Indeed! And we do not say it just because she's paying our obscenely high salaries to look after her firstborn.

JB: Oh, I'm sure.

[Andreas steps to the far side of the ring, flicking his hand at Redding and his manager.]

AvdW: You two gentlemen are off the hook. Go. Go, begone. Your business with Miss Gregory is complete for the nonce. Oh, don't give me that look. I'm certain you can take any offense out on Quinn's mother during the Dangerous Games.

SvdW: I'd recommend against it, though.

AvdW: Yes, I understand your history of success against Alexandra is...

SvdW: Nonexistent?

[Redding clutches a hand to the back of his head, the product of one of the nasty falls taken through that match, but his glare is death as he heads up the ramp. Grady Patrick's response is a bit louder, and it's demonstrative with that cane.]

JB: So... their business isn't with Redding. Is it with Valentine?

AvdW: Now to address the... the common thug at ringside--

[Brief shot of Vivica at ringside, touching a hand to her sternum as if to say, "Me?"]

AvdW: Our client will now make her statement.

[Andreas hands over the microphone to the girl with as much gallantry as he can muster.]

QG: Thank you.

[She's reading from index cards.]

QG: I just want to thank each and every one of the fans who have expressed their concern in the last few weeks. As some of you may know, on the first of February, I finally turned eighteen years old--

[Despite the van der Wals riling up this crowd, she's still finally eighteen, and that means it's no longer creepy to howl at her.]

QG: That's right, I finally turned eighteen after a long, long three years of being a victim, a weapon against my mother and the woman she loves... but this did not pass without one last attempt - one last pitiful attempt by an untalented, underhanded, and above all, untrustworthy rival of my mother's to injure a seventeen-year-old girl to get at her mother.

[She glances to the Bulletproof Blonde, pointing a finger.]

QG: That's you, Vivica. You may have all these mouth-breathing Missourians fooled into believing you're some noble heroine because you won't fight my mom out of some misguided sense of respect for Amy - as if Amy Campbell of all people would respect somebody who didn't have the stones to answer a challenge. But you and I both know that you couldn't resist - you just couldn't possibly pass up - the chance to get one last shot in. One last insult to a woman whose jock you know you can't carry.

[Vivica blinks slowly, glancing over her shoulder to the crowd, as if she were asking, "I can't carry whose jock?"]

QG: For those of you who might have forgotten - God knows that GCW isn't on enough for it to be fresh on your memory - let me take you back to Denver when you willfully and with forethought tried to injure me in front of thousands of witnesses. If the brainiacs in the truck can figure out which button to--oh, there we go.

[We get a bit of the Vivica Valentine & Aimz vs. Alexander Redding & Phillip Kennedy tag match from GCW's Winter Classic. Kennedy is dazed in the ring and Quinn - who had been providing commentary for the match - is standing on the apron.]

QG: There I am, minding my own business, making sure that the referee is doing his job and --

[Valentine hits the ropes to spring into her Greyout submission, and in so doing, she sends the Devil's Daughter careening off the apron to the floor.]

QG: Bang! There you are, intentionally sending me spilling VIOLENTLY to the floor. Because you couldn't be bothered to--to consider my welfare in your ruthless pursuit of victory! You--

[There's a bit of a pop as the Fearless Phenom rolls under the bottom rope and comes to her feet in the ring.]

QG: Now, now, now! Wait!

[Quinn puts her hands up, backing into the corner.]

QG: You don't have to--

[Ashe steps in front of the girl, cracking the knuckles on his hand.]

QG: What are you going to do now, Viv? You gonna hit me? You going to smack me around because you can't take that you've been exposed as a fraud and a liar?

[Viv crosses over to the near-side ropes, beckoning to the ring announcer for a microphone. Ashe stays between Quinn and Valentine, hands at the ready.]

VV: Quinn Gregory... what in the blue hell happened to you?

[The crowd roars with approval, having been thinking the same thing for several minutes.]

VV: The moment I met you, I thought I'd met a girl who had learned from her mother's mistakes. The type of girl who would grow up to be her own woman out of her mother's shadow, not out here hiding behind suits of all things. Speaking of suits, for the representitive of a group claiming "Anti-Establishment", there sure are a lot of law degrees out here, don't you think?

QG: Oh, you'd like that, right? I should send everybody out of the ring again so you can callowly throw me down to the canvas again? You want to know what happened to me? What happened to me is I finally realized what kind of money I can make. I'm eighteen, I'm pretty much royalty as far as this business is concerned, and I am incredibly popular among teens. Hell, I actually had someone offer to release an album of me singing.

JB: Oh, god, no.

QG: And I almost had another birthday ruined by one of my mom's supposed "rivals"--

[Oh, yeah, she makes the air quotes.]

QG: Who don't have the stones to face her directly, so they pick on a girl.

VV: Anyone can obviously see that what happened last WorldWide was an accident, Quinn, and I'm sorry for "ruining your birthday."

[Vivica responds with air quotes of her own.]

VV: But what you... and him... and her... and everyone else you've ever met in your entire life need to realize is Alex's problems with me are exactly that, ALEX'S problems. I have no problems with her, as a matter of fact I think I've gone above and beyond the call of duty to put MY ass on the line for her. Terrence Kingsley ring a bell?

[Valentine finally steps between the ropes and into the ring, causing Quinn to step back towards the opposite ropes as Ashe stands tall.]

VV: My friendship with Amy Campbell means more to me than whatever has suddenly gotten into Alex's head. Instead of bringing this into the middle of the ring and making a big deal about it, we need to all talk this out like adults... being that you are one now. I'm not going to fight her, Quinn, and I'm not going to fight you. So let's get big Ashe out of the way here and shake hands, like big girls, and put this all behind us.

[Looking up at the mountain of man that stands in front of her Vivica, sticks out her hand in a show of peace.]

JB: Vivica J. Valentine wants peace with her would-be enemy's daughter.

[Quinn leaves the Bulletproof Blonde hanging there for a long moment while she consults with her legal team.]

JB: She needs to have legal advice for a handshake?

DY: Of course she does! She could be agreeing to some kind of heinous stipulation! A Quinn on a Pole match or something!

[Viv steps forward, and just off-mic, it's possible to hear her say, "Come on! It's just a handshake!"]

QG: Hang on, hang on, we're debating whether I can sue you if I catch something from touching you.

VV: Cute.

[Vivica pulls her hand back and puts her hands over her head in a sign of defeat.]

VV: Obviously, you had nothing in mind but coming out here and trying to stir up some trouble so I'm going to do the adult thing and remove myself from the situation.

QG: Now, I didn't say no. Just... okay.

[She takes a breath, and some of the bratty teenager dissipates from her countenance.]

QG: You want me to step out of the way, you want to avoid facing Mom some more, fine. Fine. All I want from you is an apology. Not the sarcastic air quotes apology. But an honest apology. Two years ago on my birthday, my mother and Aimz broke up. Last year on my birthday, Devin Shakur and his mealy-mouth thug threw me into my birthday cake and stepped on my glasses. This year...

[She lays a hand to her neckbrace.]

QG: Maybe it was a mistake, but... nobody likes spending time in the ER, Viv. That's all I want. Really.

[She taps Ashe on the shoulder, and the big man snickers, stepping back to the corner. With the mic down, Quinn's quiet voice is barely audible as she extends her hand.]

QG: [off-mic] It's all I want.

[Vivica looks off to the crowd, many of whom loudly implore her not to shake the girl's hand. She brushes her hand against her hip and steps forward.]

VV: If any apology is the first step to blowing all of this under the rug, I'll do it.

[She extends her hand again, and this time, the girl clasps her hand.]

JB: Well all right!

DY: Boo, civility.

[When Viv goes to let go, Quinn doesn't release, and instinct turns the Fearless Phenom towards Ashe, since he's the threat.]

[This means she doesn't see the Pearl Harbor Job coming from the other side.]

JB: Viv wrenches her hand free and turns--

[Siena van der Wal leaps headlong at Valentine, knees leading.]

DY: Wait a minute!

JB: SPIDER'S KISS! That... one of Quinn's attorneys just dropped Valentine with the Spider's Kiss! What is going on here? Valentine down! Siena waiting! Siena waiting for Vivica... Viv to her hands and knees--BITCHKILLER! Running punt to Viv's face! What is going--

[Siena looks down at Valentine, reaching up. A sharp tug pulls the brown wig off, revealing a shock of dark, rust red hair. There's a slow, curling smile as she peels off a prosthetic chin.]

JB: It's Desade! It was Desade all along! By God! Alex Pierce has attacked Vivica Valentine again!

[Quinn hands her mother the microphone, grinning ear-to-ear. Alex bends down, grabbing Valentine by the jaw.]

Desade: When you wake up, Viv... give me my fucking match. It's better for both of us if you do.

JB: Alexandra Pierce with another sneak attack on Vivica Valentine, and she used her own damn daughter to do it!

DY: Quinn attacked Searle in Denver - I don't know why this is a surprise.

[The Devil's Daughter steps back, propping open the top and middle rope for her mother to step through. That skirt is a little bit shorter than Alex is used to, but right now, it doesn't really matter.]

JB: Pierce with another heinous assault on Valentine! Alex wants that one-on-one match - will Vivica finally give it to her? Don't you dare touch that dial, business is picking up!

[In the ring, Vivica rolls blearily to her side, clutching at her jaw.]

[We cut away.]

Back to Top

[Today's professional wrestling is a bit more civilized. Controlled. Story-based. We think about things like logic and decency - or indecency.]

[But today, we're playing like this is the year 2000, and back then, sensationalism was king, which is why there's a hidden camera in the ladies' room.]

[Alexandra Pierce stands at the sink, leaning into the mirror as she touches up her make-up following her reveal and attack of Vivica J. Valentine moments ago. Yeah, big secret: Desade actually wears make-up, even in 2012. It's not heavy or garish, but a twist of the wrist still allows her to darken her eyelid, making those ghostly gray eyes stand out even more.]

[Even though we can barely see the Spider, it's clear she's in good spirits; something about the curl of her lips and her general demeanor makes her seem like the cat that ate the canary. The charade earlier has pleased our resident Sith Lord (Sith Lady? I don't know, too tired to look it up).]

[That's all about to change, however.]

[If there's anybody in the world who knows where to find Alex Pierce at any given time, it's the redhead who's charging through the door, little fists balled up. Pierce doesn't look worried about an attack, though, because she's facing down Amy Campbell - a terribly cranky looking one, at that.]

Aimz: Well?

[Alex screws her mascara back together, meeting the little redhead's eyes in the mirror.]

Desade: Well... I'm not sure.

Aimz: You're not sure.

Desade: Well, I made reservations for us to go out after dinner and celebrate after you clobber Frost, so you can't be mad at me for being a bad girlfriend...

[Men, women and children know from years of dealing with girlfriends, wives, mothers, grandmothers and just about anything else with a vagina - when they fold their arms, you're in for it.]

Aimz: Are you so sure about that? Because I'm not certain 'I've been beating up your friends like a coward the whole time you've been trying to focus on getting the US Title' is really justified by 'But I'm taking you to dinner!'.

Desade: I told you.

[She tosses the mascara wand into a small band, turning to lean her hip against the sink.]

Desade: It's not personal.

Aimz: Even if it wasn't - which I stopped believing right around the time you let Quinn involve herself to impress you - it's still disrespectful as all hell, Alex. We went over this.

Desade: She asked. She asked me if she could help. She didn't want anything else for her birthday. Didn't want a car or a necklace or anything. She asked me if she could plan that. It was her eighteenth birthday--
Aimz: Exactly! Eighteen! She shouldn't be planning your clever little bullshit attacks.

Desade: It was clever. I'm not going to apologize for it. Viv got what she deserved. Twice now.

Aimz: You REALLY couldn't put your foot down and get her a laptop like I did? Something even a little normal? Instead, you give the only friend I have under this roof a cowardly beating because YOUR ass-backwards sense of justice says it's what she deserves?

[Amy's brows are somehow furrowed and raised all at once in a look that's equal parts frustrated and confused.]

Aimz: And you STILL started this conversation telling me there's no way I could accuse you of being a bad girlfriend? Al, I love you - you know that - but right now you're kind of being a bad EVERYTHING.

[For a moment, there's a flicker on the Spider's lip - not quite a frown, not quite regret, but something.]

Desade: Let's pretend for a moment that I don't completely disagree with your assessment of your friends in GCW. Quinn and I are your friends -- hell, even Kathryn would probably say she was your friend if she was sure nobody would hear it. That aside, what you call a "cowardly beating" takes as much skill as any face-to-face fight. Quinn did great--

[Amy grunts something uncomplimentary.]

Desade: She did. She did great. I'm not going to tell her she didn't. Sure, I could have stood face-to-face with Viv, Aim. I could have. But I don't want pussyfooting Viv out to have a grand old time. I want Vivica to bring all that fire, all that passion that made her champion. I'm sorry that you're in this position, I really am, but I'm not taking it easy on her because she's your friend.

Aimz: And where does that end, exactly? You're not taking it easy because she's my friend, because she's in the way of your 'Best in the world' mantle. Let's say you hurt her, you get your win and continue on your road to beating everybody...

[She shakes her head.]

Aimz: So youre finished with people I care about, you've won it all. You know what the next stop is, because I see five blogs a day asking this question. When you say 'I'm the best in the world', they hear 'I know I'm better than Amy'. What happens when I'm the next bump in the road?

Desade: You'll never be a bump in the road. You could never be a bump in the road. I'm not fooling myself -- we're going to have to go face-up eventually. But this isn't about you, it's not the same situation -- it's not even close to the same situation. There's an acre of locker room between us before that day comes.

Aimz: But when it does?

Desade: Babe, the internet just wants to stir up shit. You've got people who want to see you and I go head-to-head sooner rather than later, people who want us at each other's throats because it keeps people like Viv safe, people who can't handle that two powerful, strong women could be friends, nevermind in a committed relationship. Don't listen to them. Listen to me. I love you. You're my Amy. That's all that matters to me. Well, that and getting some food, because I am starved.

Aimz: What should matter is that every time you keep some little scheme from me, every time you take a cheap shot at my friend, it hurts me. Fine, that's just business - whatever, right? Internet be damned, you know what really matters? The way it makes me feel to watch you out there, knowing I'm still here, telling everybody that you're the best wrestler in the world.

Desade: Aim--

Aimz: Don't 'Aim' me - and stop calling me 'Babe', will you? It's fucking degrading. This whole 'Best in the world' thing's a good slogan for business, though, am I right? That's what you'll say. You used to say never to mix business and pleasure, and you were probably right, because I'm not seeing much pleasure in the future with all this business of yours going on.

Desade: Sometimes I just don't know what you want from me. If I told you what we were doing, you'd either have to have been a party to it and not told her or you would have had to stop me. I don't like keeping things from you. I don't like this... this distance between us. But I told you I would never make you choose. Just... don't ask me to, okay?

[Campbell takes a step back, sighing.]

Aimz: Every day, you're coming closer and closer to making me choose, but I can't expect you to? After the shit I saw last week, the week before that, then again tonight? Alex, you need to start seriously considering whether or not this bullshit is worth the choice you're driving me to, because I think we both know what it is.

[She shrugs before Pierce can open her mouth.]

Aimz: As far as tonight goes... enjoy dinner. Some asshole's been beating on a friend of mine, so I'm gonna check in on her.

[This would be where your average wrestler would go for the last word, but Alexandra Pierce is many things, but "your average wrestler" is certainly not one of them. So there's an awkward, tense moment where Amy gives what might very well be called the stinkeye before she raps her knuckles against the sink and backs through the restroom door.]

[Alex watches after for a long moment, and it's not really that her expression is unreadable so much as it is blank. Except for the eyes.]

[Those are some angry eyes.]

[Cut away.]

Back to Top

David Yale - This match is a Street Fight Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 240 pounds, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada he holds the Unified Television and Hardcore title belt, Sexton Hardon!!!

["Sexy And I Know It" by LMFAO ]

David Yale - and his opponent, weighing in at 277 pounds, from New York City he holds the United States title belt, Brad Jackson!!! (crowd boos *******)

["Lies (JAX Remix)" by Evanescence plays. Cameron Wrigley checks Sexton Hardon's boots and knee pads. Brad Jackson checks out the ring. (ring, ring, ring) Sexton Hardon superkicks Brad Jackson. They lockup. Sexton Hardon sends Brad Jackson to the corner of the ring. ]

James Bryan - Sexton Hardon executes a weak move.

[Brad Jackson hits Sexton Hardon with a baba chop. Brad Jackson gets taken down with a corkscrew armdrag. Brad Jackson climbs to his feet. Brad Jackson piledrives Sexton Hardon. ]

David Yale - What a standing piledriver!!

[Sexton Hardon is back on his feet. Brad Jackson and Sexton Hardon go to the floor Brad Jackson throws a chair at Sexton Hardon. Brad Jackson uppercuts Sexton Hardon. Sexton Hardon executes the jumping sidekick on Brad Jackson. ]

David Yale - Brad Jackson takes a jumping sidekick.

[Brad Jackson is up again. Brad Jackson kicks Sexton Hardon in the back of the leg. ]

James Bryan - Brad Jackson with a kick.

[Brad Jackson puts Sexton Hardon on the top rope and executes a superplex. Sexton Hardon gets up. Brad Jackson trys for a slingshot bodyblock but Sexton Hardon avoids it. ]

James Bryan - This is quality sports entertainment!

[Brad Jackson puts Sexton Hardon on the top rope and executes a superplex. Brad Jackson gets back to his feet. Sexton Hardon gets up. Sexton Hardon executes a ropeflip hiptoss on Brad Jackson. Brad Jackson kicks Sexton Hardon in the stomach. Brad Jackson fist drops Sexton Hardon on the floor. ]

James Bryan - Brad Jackson executes a fist drop.

[Brad Jackson gets back to his feet. Sexton Hardon stands up. Sexton Hardon grabs Brad Jackson's head and DDT's him on the floor. Sexton Hardon gets up. ]

David Yale - I wish every match could be like this!

[Sexton Hardon clotheslines Brad Jackson. ]

James Bryan - Sexton Hardon executes a weak move.

[Brad Jackson uppercuts Sexton Hardon. ]

David Yale - Follows up with a uppercut.

[Sexton Hardon uses a closed fist on Brad Jackson. Brad Jackson hits Sexton Hardon with a baba chop. Brad Jackson puts Sexton Hardon on the top rope and executes a superplex. Brad Jackson gets up. Sexton Hardon moves back to his feet. Sexton Hardon spinebuster bombs Brad Jackson onto the floor. Sexton Hardon takes Brad Jackson into the ring. Sexton Hardon chokes Brad Jackson. ]

James Bryan - If Sexton Hardon keeps using moves like that choke he could win the match!

[Now Brad Jackson standing. Sexton Hardon and Brad Jackson go to the floor Sexton Hardon hits a spinning leg lariat on Brad Jackson sending him to the floor. Sexton Hardon clotheslines Brad Jackson. Brad Jackson hits Sexton Hardon with a baba chop. Brad Jackson uppercuts Sexton Hardon. Sexton Hardon uses a closed fist on Brad Jackson. Brad Jackson kicks Sexton Hardon in the stomach. Sexton Hardon gets up. Sexton Hardon hits Brad Jackson with the double arm DDT into the floor. Now Sexton Hardon standing. Brad Jackson moves back to his feet. Sexton Hardon is taking Brad Jackson to the casket. Sexton Hardon places Brad Jackson on the turnbuckle and executes the belly-to-back superplex. Sexton Hardon moves back to his feet. Sexton Hardon chokes Brad Jackson. Sexton Hardon chokes Brad Jackson. Sexton Hardon chokes Brad Jackson. Sexton Hardon clotheslines Brad Jackson into the casket!! ]

David Yale - Sexton Hardon has won the match!

James Bryan - Holy cow, I thought this was a street fight!

David Yale - So did I! But turns out Zeus Pro for whatever reason doesn't have a Street Fight setting, but DOES have a Casket Match setting!

James Bryan - Unbelievable!

David Yale - The winner of this match, Sexton Hardon!!!

Back to Top

[It's more of a make-up room than a locker room.]

[There's a line of lighted mirrors, each with a bevy of cosmetics products surrounding it and each with a stool set up in front of it. This is where the magic happens, where the ladies who are about to gallivant in front of the public in tiny strips of fabric connected with thin strings touch up places you probably don't want to know about before the dancing and the prancing begins.]

[And right now, it's remarkably empty.]

[GCW has a bevy of beautiful ladies, many of whom you see wrestle on a weekly (or biweekly or monthly or...) basis. None of these ladies are what you might call "models", so it should be no surprise that two of our nonwrestler types -- backstage interviewers Ayake Sonoda and Sally Ford -- are together gussying up for the event. It should also be no surprise that there is quite a bit of space between those two and the tawny-haired brunette we find backstage.]

[Kathryn Shaw is not exactly popular among her gender, not the least of which because she looks like she does, but mostly because she looks like she does and is entirely unashamed to make use of those looks. Shaw -- who, sorry, guys, is wearing a flimsy pink robe so we can't tell you what she's got on underneath -- leans in towards the mirror, swiping a blush brush across her cheek.]

[The camera man has no idea he's about to strike gold (or as close as it gets without somebody taking their top off), shooting these backstage glimpses that'll likely end up on some upcoming 'Ladies of GCW' DVD compilation. There's a knock just before the door creaks open an inch, a blue eye peeking in, presumably to make sure everybody's decent before potentially exposing them to the hallway and any cameras that might be following.]

[There's reason for that, too - the woman entering is usually trailed by cameras at these events, but not for the same qualities Kathryn Shaw might be. Amy Campbell steps into the room with a quick glance to Shaw, and a smile for Ford and Sonada.]

Aimz: Heyyyy, could I - oh, Jesus, there's a cameraguy - could I bother you two to just hang out in the hall for a few? I'd like to--

Sonoda: No problem.

Ford: We'll be just outside.

[Kathryn turns in her chair with a sigh.]

Shaw: Sally, I'm telling you. I've heard that if you rub some coffee grounds on your thighs and cover it with plastic wrap, it will do wonders for your little... problem.

[The look Ford gives the Siren is... uncomplimentary, to say the least. Amy skirts awkwardly past the two interviewers, muttering an apology. Kathryn seems unconcerned, her glittering hazel gaze skipping to Campbell.]
Shaw: Cellulite, you see. Such a problem for people like her.

Aimz: You mean Sally? The chick back there with a body just about anybody would find religion in?

[Fun fact: Makeup chairs normally have armrests on either side, and Kathryn's is no different.]

Aimz: C'mon, you're getting too old to still be picking on the cuter girls on the cheer squad.

[Side note: Said arms are generally there for comfort's sake, but also make a functional prison if someone - perhaps a professional fighter - were to walk up and sit on your lap.]

Shaw: Uh?

[There's a blink here, long and slow. Like in those old Aeon Flux ads, slow enough to trap a fly.]

Shaw: Does Lexi know that you've gotten... frisky? Are you drunk again?

[The tone is a kind of motherly sarcasm. Mock scolding.]

Shaw: Tsk tsk, Aim.

[It just takes one hand clamped just under her chin to quiet her - though that damn smirk doesn't fade.]

Aimz: Really isn't the night you want me to start hitting you, okay? I came to talk, and this just happens to be the most convenient means of keeping you here to listen, since you're damn sure not about to find a way to wrestle me off. I'm worried about herpes just sitting here - so don't worry, I won't stay long. You gonna keep fantasizing, or can we chat?

Shaw: Whatever you want, sweetheart. It's been a pleasant couple weeks not working for Lexi. I'm sure there's drama I've missed out on. So is Hawke still mysterious and probably gay?

Aimz: He's n--God, you're irritating. And you've been as much a witness to what I'm here about as anybody else. Alex is--she's just been--things just aren't exactly smooth.

[In a strangely fragile moment, Campbell tips her head down. The internet will caption it otherwise, but her eyes are definitely on the floor.]

Aimz: I think I'm losing her.

Shaw: Really? Look, I know I've been busy with Phil's stuff, but... look, I've looked at this up, down, left, and right. There was a time that I wanted nothing more than that, and there's pretty much no way that will ever, ever happen. You're, like... okay, this is gonna sound bad, but you two have too much of the other's venom in you. If you lose her, you'll die. Metaphorically speaking. She's the same way.
Aimz: I'm sure you would've said the same thing they year we broke up, so don't act like it ca--

Shaw: You two were miserable that whole time, and I don't recall it taking any convincing to get you back together.

[Amy shakes her head.]

Aimz: I can't go back to the headspace she's slipping into, or the stuff she's doing...

[She slips around to straddle the taller woman, though it's not nearly as sexy in her mind as it looks to the audience at home.]

Aimz: And that's where you come in.

[It would be hard at best to assume that Kathryn was unaware of exactly how this looks, especially when she slides a hand behind Campbell's back to keep her from falling. She doesn't let it show in her voice, though.]

Shaw: I'm not really sure how that's possible. I don't work for Lexi anymore...

Aimz: Right, just like I didn't love her when we were apart. You know that's bullshit - you've got as much of her 'venom' as I do, just a different sort. If she keeps this shit up, you'll be working for her again within the month.

Shaw: Not that I'd say no if she hired me, but she was pretty adamant. What do you need me to do?

Aimz: I need you to remember your place, and mine.

[Campbell moves in closer, grabbing a fistful of Shaw's well-preened hair to hold her there.]

Aimz: And the place of everybody else. Specifically, the places where certain people might appear, and the fact that I will blame you if they do.

Shaw: Ah, dammit--Amy!

[Kathryn hisses between her teeth, but remembers her place -- and makes an attempt to make use of the camera. She brushes the back of her hand against Campbell's cheek.]

Shaw: Mmmgod... looks like somebody really needs to find Lexi and take out some frustration.

[Amy's jaw is so stiff, those with surround sound could probably hear her teeth grind. When she twists her hand and forces Kathryn's to lean into where her hair's being pulled, they're near enough that noses almost touch.]

Aimz: I sat like this to lock you in and stay nice and close so we could really understand one another. You being a stupid whore was a risk, yeah, so go ahead and touch me again.

[There's a measure of defiance in the Siren's eyes, but she's also well aware there's a bikini contest in just a few minutes, and she's not about to go out there with a black eye.]

Shaw: I heard you the first time, hon. I haven't seen her since Vegas.

Aimz: So if you see her, even hear about her again, you make sure she stays away from my family. I've hit you in the past, yeah, but if I see anyone who even looks like they could be Drusilla Devonshire... well, did you see what Terrence Kingsley did to my eye that time? Both of yours. Your jaw, your... anything, actually.

[There's nothing even the least bit playful between them, and a quick glance from Amy is enough to back the cameraman up before she leans back into Kathryn.]

Aimz: Didn't really wanna have this talk on camera because I'm sure this'll eventually get me in trouble, but you're the one who always pulls that cunt back in. So if I see her again, I'll break everything I could possibly make snap on or in you, and none of our friends - you know who I'm talking about - could convince me not to. No games, no taunts or jokes right now - do you understand what I just said?

Shaw: That's what I--

[Amy clamps her hand around Kathryn's jaw, and the Siren actually whimpers. Her voice comes out somewhat muddled.]

Shaw: Yesh! All wight? Yesh.

[The little redhead smiles, sliding backwards and back to her feet as she releases Shaw.]

Aimz: I appreciate that.

[Kathryn waves a hand; the love-hate relationship means more to either woman than they'd admit, but it only works if neither of them actually admits it.]

Shaw: It's not like she's a friend, anyway. I am serious about you getting laid. You're way less tense when you're being regularly fucked.

Aimz: You still looking to get punched?

[Kathryn lifts both hands.]

Shaw: I'm just saying. So... no way you'll come out and sit on my lap during the bikini contest?

[As she heads to the door, Campbell utters a phrase she's getting entirely too used to.]

Aimz: Go fuck yourself, Kathryn.

[The Siren cups a hand around her lips, calling after.]

Shaw: You can try that yourself, too. Might work out some of the tension!

[She gets no response, and adjusts the fall of her frilly pink robe.]

[Cut away.]

Back to Top

["Hard Rock Hallelujah" by Lordi is wrapping up as we cut back to the ring. In the ring is Rikki Roxx, along with Sally Ford and Ayake Sonoda. Sally and Aki-San are in short robes, diaphanous without being fully see-through.]

RR: All right, all riiiiiiiight!

JB: Rikki Roxx in the ring to MC our bikini contest here at WorldWide 158!

DY: How does he get all the primo jobs?

RR: KAAAANSAS CIIIIIIIIIITAY! How's everybody doing tonight?

[Predictably, that gets us a big roar from the capacity crowd. Amazing how that works.]

RR: How's everybody feel about a little bit of little bitty bikinis?

[Yep, even louder.]

RR: Here's how this is gonna work. I've already got the lovely miss Ayake Sonoda--

[Aki-San waves a hand, covering a girlish titter with one hand. She draws some hoots.]

RR: And the lovely and TALENTED Miss Sally Ford--

[Sally's wave is a little bit pageantish, but she is a.) blond and b.) hot, so it doesn't matter. As we pan over the crowd, one of the appreciative people watching is one Mr. Daniel Francisco, better known as--]

JB: Dynasty! Dynasty in the crowd to get a closer look.

DY: And why not? Who WOULDN'T want to get close to that ring?

RR: And in a little bit, each and every one of the lovely and fiery ladies of GCW will come down that ramp hot to trot and ready to rock the Roxx... and then we'll have to pick a winner. Now, Lord knows they don't call me the Dragon-Eater for nothing, but the Maharajah of Rock, the Maestro of Metal, he got to thinking. Who better to decide which of the dangerous dames of GCW is the smokingest but each and every one of you lovely people out here in KAAAAAAAY-SEEEEEEEE!

DY: Kiss-ass.

RR: And the winner! The winner of this democratically decided determination of deliciousness wins... this.

[The trophy Roxx produces is every bit as cheesy as you might think it is.]

DY: What the hell is that?

JB: It's the prize for winning, apparently!

DY: It looks like he converted a... a bowling trophy!

[Rikki beams at his handiwork, setting it on the mat.]

RR: So let's get this ball rolling with--

[Cue up the beat of LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It". You know the song, even if you pretend you don't.]

DY: I don't know if that's anybody's song in GCW?

JB: Well it is one person's song!

[And that would be the bald-headed, bearded dude in the leopard print man-thong that comes out to, uh, wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-yeah. He gets a respectable cheer, even -- maybe because -- of the expression on Rikki Roxx's face.]

JB: The Van-Core-Vision Champion himself, Sexton Hardon!

DY: ...what is wrong with you?

JB: What? He's having fun!

DY: He's ruining this! We're supposed to have hot chicks out here! Aimz and Desade! LESBIANS IN BIKINIS, JB! Puppies that like other puppies! Not... not THIS!

[It would appear that Dynasty agrees with Yale's point-of-view, based on the disgusted face he's pulling.]

JB: Dynasty agrees with you, Dave...

DY: Of course he does. He's a -- oh, come on!

[Hardon slides into the ring, uh, wiggling up to Sally and Aki-San. And that's a lot of... personage... to wiggle.]

RR: Now that's not somethin' I wanted to see...

JB: The Tele-Core-Guard Champion up to the middle rope over by us and --

DY: I see scrot, JB! SCROT!

JB: Dynasty with a few choice words for the Hard-Van-Vision Champ on the floor!

[Hardon steps away from Sally Ford with a regretful smirk and a "just a sec" finger. He leaps out to the floor.]

JB: Hardon and Dynasty nose-to-nose!

RR: Now, fellas, this isn't the place--

[Sexton gives Dynasty the thrust you can trust.]

JB: The Bad Boy from Buffalo turns away with a smirk and--OH! Right hand! Dynasty over the guardrail! HARDON AND DYNASTY! HARDON! DYNASTY!

DY: Hardon Dynasty!

JB: Dynasty fightin' with a man in a man-kini!

[In the ring, Sally squeals, leaping back as the two men climb into the ring.]

JB: Dynasty springs to the middle rope! Springboard into a hiptoss! Hardon lands on his feet! Thrust kick!

DY: That gives a new definition to a "thrust kick".

JB: Dynasty spills out into the corner!

[Hardon with the slow turn.]

DY: ...oh no.

JB: Hardon revving up the engines! Sexton Hardon looking to have a Pants Party!


JB: Dynasty rolls out of the ring!

DY: Get that cretin out of here!

JB: Dynasty is leaving! He's headed up the ramp!

DY: I didn't mean him!

[Hardon celebrates with Aki-San and Sally in the ring.]

RR: Now that things are back under control, can we please get the--


[No, that's not Vickie Guerrero, but given the boos that rain down, it might as well be. For the second time tonight, the dark-haired Devil's Daughter, Quinn Gregory, "graces" the stage, flanked by her mammoth bodyguard. This time, Quinn is dressed in a long terrycloth robe, belted tightly at the waist.]

QG: I think that... that everybody here knows who's going to win this.

[She draws up short, casting a scathing look at the ring.]

QG: I mean everybody here who isn't high on meth.

JB: Why do they keep giving this girl a microphone?

DY: She's not wrong, JB!

QG: After all, I am just eighteen years old. I am younger than anyone in this contest. I am...

[She climbs up the ring steps, wrinkling her lips in a sneer at Sally Ford.]

QG: I am unsullied. Nubile.

[Ashe pulls himself up to the apron, sitting on the middle rope to pry them apart. Quinn makes sure that the back of her robe covers her derriere as she steps through.]

QG: I imagine there's not a single man out in this audience who doesn't want to see the slinky little thing I've got on under here.

[There's some booing -- let's face it, she's a little bit obnoxious -- but there's also some wolf whistles.]

QG: And while ordinarily, I wouldn't deign to so much as look at any of the men in the audience... that's a very nice trophy you've got there, Mr. Roxx, sir. It's big and shiny...

[Roxx had picked the thing up to make sure that the Hard-Tele-Guard Champion and Dynasty hadn't damaged it, and there's some preening here.]

QG: And I know that my biggest competition will come from my godmother, who's going to come out here and basically flash her tits at you, and, well, my mom and Amy would completely win if they went for it whole hog, because, hey, two hot redheads kissing, right?

RR: So they're not going to kiss?

QG: It's possible. You don't really want to let these fans decide, do you? They're liable to choose someone undeserving. Someone who I've heard is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway--

[She cuts her eyes to Sally.]

QG: Or someone whose off-screen kinks I'm told include letting grown men pee on them.

[And then to Aki-San.]

QG: Or, well, whatever that is.

[And she points at Hardon, who's holding Sonoda and more notably Ford back. There might be some groping.]

JB: Quinn Gregory not exactly endearing herself to the competition.

DY: She hasn't exactly told a lie yet, has she?

JB: Excuse me? She--gah!

[Her attention is focused again on Rikki.]

QG: You and I should work something out ourselves. To make sure a deserving--hey!

[Sexton stands behind Quinn, his hands on his hips, and he clears his throat. She spins and backtracks, a hand up.]

QG: Hey, now, back up. I don't know where that thing's been, so maybe you shouldn't--

[She backs into a corner. He gives her the Thrust. She's rendered speechless, spluttering. The crowd roars.]

JB: Sexton Hardon, ladies and gentlemen!

DY: She's practically royalty, JB!

JB: Hardon turns -- ASHE! Ashe with both hands around the Tele-Guard-Core Champ's Throat! Double-hand choke--no! Hardon slides out the other side!

DY: Bet that's not the first time that's happened.

JB: Hardon--chop block! Sexton... he's gonna try to lift him! Sexton Hardon going to try to put Mr. Ashe down with the Dirty Dangle! Can he get him up? That's nearly four hundred--YES! He got him up! THE DIRTY DANGLE ON RODERICK ASHE!!

DY: Where'd she come from?

JB: Alex Pierce was under the ring?

DY: Maybe she was going to make an entrance?

JB: Or else she was going to attack Vivica Valentine again! Now Pierce slips into the ring! Hardon turns--SPIDER'S KISS! DAMN HER! Hardon goes head-over-heels and--


JB: Desade was going to use this bikini contest to assault Vivica Valentine again and--






JB: Vivica drives Pierce back! Valentine with the Irish whip -- Pierce holds on! Valentine charges! Alex with the back body drop! VIV LANDS ON HER FEET! VALENTINE PULLS PIERCE OUT OF THE RING! THEY'RE CONTINUING THIS OUT ON THE FLOOR!

DY: This is dangerous for us!

JB: Pierce -- OH! Thumb to the eye! Thumb to the eye by Desade!

DY: The Greco-Roman ocular grab!

JB: And she's going for the Spider's--NO! Valentine holds on! Vivica holds on and--


JB: She drives Pierce into the steps! Those steps get broken in half! Valentine up to the top of, well, the bottom half of the steps! She's got the standing headscissors! End of Heartache on the floor?

DY: Quinn!

JB: Quinn begging Vivica! Quinn begging Valentine and--


JB: And there's just enough of a hesitation for the officials to storm the ring! GCW security and officials out here to separate the Bulletproof Blonde and the Spider in the Web!

DY: I wanna see them go!

JB: Pierce getting up to her feet and -- oh! A savate kick to David Fellows!

DY: AGAIN! That's like the third time she's kicked that guy!

JB: Pierce breaks free! Pierce breaks free and leaps at Valentine! Pierce and Valentine up against the corner of the barricade! Again, Alex is pulled away! I thought she said this wasn't personal, Dave?

[The look in the Medusa's eyes is death.]

JB: Sure looks personal to me! Desade being held back by GCW officials and ring crew! They're practically carrying the Spider away! Valentine pulls herself up! She swipes the hair out of her face and--OH! STRAIGHT RIGHT HAND FOR CAMERON WRIGLEY! Viv charges Alex and--

[There is the sound of headsets hurriedly being dropped as Valentine's flying clothesline carries them both over the announce table.]

[More punching follows.]

[More people follow. There's Kathryn Shaw, easy to pick out with her hair teased out in a pink robe. But she's not getting involved.]

[Somebody else is, though.]

DY: He-hello? Are we on? Are we on, JB?

JB: Amy Campbell out here! Campbell physically rips Valentine off her lover!

DY: So she chose Pierce!

JB: Aimz practically standing on the throat of Alexandra Pierce, so I doubt it!

DY: I will note she is ALSO not wearing a bikini, JB!

JB: I don't see how this matters.

[Both Vivica and Alexandra are breathing heavily. Both of them have been bloodied -- 0.1 on the Muta scale, just bloody lips, really. It's unclear whether even Aimz can keep them separated.]

[She doesn't have to do so for long.]

"Stop this! Stop this right now!"

[Christian Zenith storms out through the curtain, trailed at some distance by the mountainous Rasa II.]

CZ: I have had just about enough of this! There will be no more attacks, no more GCW personnel injured, no more wreckage. There will be no more, do you hear me? The next one of you two that throws a punch at the other is OUT of the Dangerous Games match!


JB: Christian Zenith throwing his weight around here, Dave!

DY: As he should!

CZ: This was supposed to be a... supposed to be a good time for our fans! A hearkening back to a better day! You two... I know both of you have decided you're going to win Dangerous Games, and you may well. But first... before that happens... there will be one more match on the Dangerous Games card. One more match, and it will feature Alexandra Pierce... taking on Vivica J. Valentine!


JB: Valentine and Pierce one on one at Dangerous Games!

[By now, Amy has relented enough to allow Alex to come to her feet, though she's keeping herself firmly between the two.]

CZ: One more thing! One more thing! Since neither of you seem to have any respect for the GCW officiating staff and since nobody else can keep either of you in line, I'm going to appoint a special guest referee for your match!

[That comment is the first time that Vivica J. Valentine turns her head away from Alexandra Pierce, even a little.]

CZ: And that special guest referee will be none other than...

[Zenith is still a showman, so he lets it linger.]



[Zoom in on the little redhead's face. Her eyes widen. Her jaw drops a little.]

JB: Aimz has been caught in the middle for weeks now, and she'll LITERALLY be in between them come Dangerous Games!

[We get a shot of Zenith's arrogant grin as he backs up. Behind him on the MegaTron, Alexandra Pierce and Vivica Valentine seethe at each other, with the Red Raver caught between them.]

JB: Well, this wasn't much of a bikini contest fans--

DY: Who won?

JB: But it sure has been--QUINN! Quinn from behind on Rikki Roxx! Low blow! She stole the trophy!

DY: She probably would've won anyway.

JB: Alex stepping sideways to her daughter, who leaps into Roderick Ashe's arms like she'd actually taken off that robe!

[Aimz stays carefully between them.]

JB: Pierce turns to Aimz... she waves the little redhead over! Viv calls to Amy! Both Valentine and Pierce want Aimz to come with them!

[The little redhead's brow wrinkles, she gives both a pained look.]

JB: What's Aimz gonna do? What's she gonna--

[Amy backs away from both of them, cutting through the ring to the ramp. She knots a hand in her hair.]

DY: What kind of choice is that?

JB: Aimz not ready to choose either of them! Pierce and her daughter and that thug of theirs retreat through the crowd... what a war we're in store for at Dangerous Games.

[Brief shot of Viv looking from Amy on the ramp to Alex in the crowd.]

DY: Aimz wouldn't... she won't choose Viv, right? I mean, they're inseparable.

JB: That... remains to be seen. Speaking of wars, we've still got that Hell in a Cell match yet to come, but I'm told that there are MORE goings-on backstage?

Back to Top

[How come the interviewers always know where to find their subjects?]

[We cut to one of the concourses, as Alexandra Pierce leads her daughter and her daughter's bodyguard out of the sea of humanity and up onto the walkway. Yes, this means that Quinn is still wearing what amounts to a tightly wrapped bathrobe, but hey, she's got a trophy.]

[And somehow - SOMEHOW - Kevin Jacobs is still waiting for them. He catches them mid-conversation. Well. He catches most of them in mid-conversation.]

QG: I think it's nice.

RA: Looks like y'bought it at a flea market.

QG: He probably did. But seriously. I've been eighteen for, what, two weeks, and I've already won my first bikini contest.

RA: Said that like it's a good thing, kiddo.

QG: I know. But it kinda is. Oh, hey, look, it's Cueball.

[Jacobs steps forward, mic leading.]

KJ: Alex, Quinn... I have to ask what just happened out there.

QG: Well, it looks like I just won a bikini contest there, bucko.

KJ: Really? Because it looks like you stole the trophy after you hit a guy from behind following what I can only describe as a fracas between your mother and Vivica J. Valentine.

QG: That's one interpretation of the facts.

KJ: So what I want to know -- what the GCW fans deserve to know -- is what happened out there. And I don't mean with a chintzy dime store trophy.

QG: I think what happened is that...

[She looks to her mother, who's staring blankly and stonily, not at Jacobs so much as through him.]

QG: Well, obviously, Mom came to my rescue when that... that man he--

KJ: Sexton Hardon, the GCW Vanguard, Television, and Hardcore Champion.

QG: Yes.

[She gives a little shudder.]

QG: And so Mom came to my rescue.

KJ: From under the ring.

QG: Yeah, well... it was part of her entrance for the bikini thing.

KJ: She wasn't wearing a bikini.

QG: She was... underneath. It's not like she could walk out in a bikini and not have everybody notice. Try to keep up here.

KJ: And then Viv--

QG: Completely overreacted. Ran down like some kind of--of--

RA: Savage.

[The girl snaps her fingers.]

QG: Yes, a savage.

KJ: Yeah, because her anger would have nothing to do with the attack you perpetrated earlier in the evening. Look, Alexandra, I appreciate you letting your daughter have the chance to... to learn the business, but you owe it to your fans to--

[Alex's hand snatches out, grasping Jacobs by the shirt collar.]

Desade: My fans? My fans?

[She's in his face and she's seething.]

Desade: I suppose I'm supposed to be scared. I have to face Vivica J. Valentine one-on-one in the middle of a ring and she's mad. I'm supposed to stand here cowering. Like I didn't want this. Everything I have done. Everything I have asked others to do. Everything over the last few weeks has gotten us to this point. Has gotten me to this point.

[Even though she's let go of Kevin's collar, she's still backing the man up as she advances.]

Desade: When I say I'm the best in the world, it's not some clever marketing gimmick. It's not something I do to aggravate my colleagues, and it's not to plaster across the back of a t-shirt. I say it because I believe it to be the truth.

KJ: But you're the Queen of Lies.

Desade: Every good lie is seeded with truth. If I told you the sky was green, you wouldn't believe me. If I said it was aquamarine, you might, because you know it's already blue.

KJ: I'm not sure I follow.

Desade: Of course not. Lie detectors don't work if the subject believes they're telling the truth. I believe I am the finest wrestler -- not grappler, not brawler, not high flyer, not strategist, not plotter, the finest wrestler -- on this planet. But I can't prove it to you, to the simpering mouth-breathers watching on television, unless I get a chance to pit my skills, my plans, my self against the best this company has to offer. Now I will.

KJ: That's it? You've done all this because you want a match with Vivica? This has nothing to do with Viv being friends with your girlfriend? This isn't a personal issue?

[She stops her advance, brushing a hand down Kevin's lapel.]

Desade: No. No, no... I've told Amy this, told her before that this wasn't personal between Vivica and I, and it's not. This hasn't been about tricky beatdowns or trying to injure Vivica. I want my shot, my chance, my opportunity at the top of the mountain. I've held little titles, I've won some big tournaments--

KJ: So then wait your turn, maybe? If you're so good, why do you have to go through the shortcut of attacking an innocent--

Desade: Don't. Don't you fucking dare tell me that Vivica J. Valentine is an innocent. You don't get to where she got without running down people. You don't get to where I got. You don't get to where Amy or anyone else who has been at the top of a wrestling federation and retain your virtue.

KJ: That's not an answer to my question.

Desade: It's not, no. It doesn't matter why I decided not to wait. It doesn't matter why I targeted Vivica. It doesn't matter why I have allowed my daughter free rein to say whatever she wants. All that matters, all that you should think about, all anyone should consider is what happens when Dangerous Games rolls around. Whether it's tomorrow, next week, or next month, when the Scottrade Center in St. Louis fills and all those fans pack into their seats, some eighteen, nineteen, maybe twenty thousand of them, and they're chanting her name - and when I still go out there and pin her shoulders to the mat and each and every last one of them is left gasping for air at just how brilliant a spectacle they just watched... that is what matters.

[She steps back, giving Jacobs breathing room for the first time.]

KJ: Just like that? You're going to go to Dangerous Games and outwrestle Vivica J. Valentine, sure bet first ballot Hall of Famer and the face of this federation?

Desade: Yes. But maybe not in the way you're used to.

KJ: And what about the fact that your girlfriend - that the woman you purport to love - will be the referee? Does that weigh in at all?

[That earns him the dreaded Medusa's stare, and she turns away.]

KJ: Nothing? Nothing at all to say about the fact that your... your strategy, your plots, your deceptions that have gotten you so many wins will now have to take place against someone who knows you, who loves you. Are you ready to lie, cheat, steal, and outmaneuver the woman you lay beside at night?

[Again no response, though her steps -- heretofore silent -- now ring out a little on the marble floor. Quinn trots up to Jacobs, digging in her bag.]

QG: Hang on, I need to give you something from her and I - both of us, really. Where is--ah-ha!

[She pulls out an empty hand, turning it over to raise her middle finger.]

QG: Have one of these. And maybe...

[She flips the bird from the other hand.]

QG: One of these, too. I fucking can't stand the smarmy assholes around this place who think that this is always about more than just the actual wrestling, like it's life or--

Desade: [not turning] Quinn.

QG: Okay gotta go bye.

[The girl trails after her mother, and Kevin Jacobs turns back to the camera.]

KJ: Well, there you have it, fellas. Alexandra Pierce still claiming that everything she's done to Vivica J. Valentine is purely business, but completely unwilling to discuss the personal matter of her longtime lover serving as special guest referee at Dangerous Games. Back to you.

Back to Top

"Do you smell what The Roxx is cookin'?!"



"Do You Smell What The Roxx Is Cookin'?" by GCW Generic Themes, Inc. plays over the Kansas City crowd sending them into a controlled frenzy (haha, wrestling pun). They rise to their feet as The Roxx appears and begins his march down to the ring. The usual cheesy grin appears long gone from his stubbled face. No power slides. No ALLLRRRIIIGGHHTS. No air guitars. Just The Roxx, a motif, a hot pink headband, half of a jean jacket, way too tight stonewashed jeans, and his mullet.

"The Roxx says... The Roxx says... The Roxx says..."

Bryan: Well I'll tell ya... The Roxx, I don't know what he has on his mind here, but he is dressed for battle Dave. The Great One. The People's Champion. Well I'll tell you what it's been an unbelievable day, an unbelievable night, it's X:TV night as we head into Dangerous Games.

Yale: We'll be on all week on X:TV!

Bryan: Yep, The Roxx hammered on last week by Shaman.

The Roxx is already in the ring, pacing back and forth, looking for the words as his horribly creative entrance theme fades into the reactions of the crowd.

The Roxx: Shaman. The Roxx says you're pretty much free. The Roxx says if you have any fortitude in them little itty, bity things you call balls...


The Roxx: Then tonight, in front of all of The Roxx's fans, you will go ONE... ON ONE... WITH THE GREAT ONE.


Bryan: Wow, laying down a challenge to Shaman tonight.

The Roxx: Then go and check your fat ass directally into the Smackdown Hotel!

Bryan: The end of the millennium is here!

Yale: Five! Four! Three!

Bryan: We're counting it down!

Yale: TWO! ONE!

The lights go out. Multi-colored accent lights flicker arond the MegaTron as the crowd anxiously awaits the beginning of a new millennium. The pulsating base comes to an end. Silence. Darkness.


All I wanna do is... DANCE.

"Blow" by Ke$ha plays over the arena as a graphic showing the name ELISE ARES appears on the screen of the MegaTron. Below an athletic, short female has her arms out and her back to the audience in a silhouette. Spinning around she turns to face the audience with a smirk across her face like the cat who just ate the canary. The crowd gives a generally mixed reaction as the lights

Elise Ares: WELCOME TO... WORLDWIDE... IS... SWAGGERTOWN! Population, me! And all of you too... because you're around me... and that's the important part. ME!

Bryan: I think you're losing em, Elise.

Yale: I like her!

As The Roxx simply paces back and forth in the ring as Elise has the attention of the crowd, but probably not because of her undeniable mic skills. The Swaggeriffic One has a different kind of charisma, one that can only be defined by the purple bikini-like top she was wearing.

Ares: I am the beautiful and talented Elise Ares, and I am the new millenium of Global Championship Wrestling!

Confused silence.

Ares: I was in PRIME? Wolves of Slaughter? Won the 5*Star Championship... was the undefeated SWAGGER Champion? Hello?

The once confused silence is now splattered with boos.

Ares: Boo?

She cocks her head sideways as the rest of the crowd remains silent, now leaving the splattered boos to be more prominent.

Ares: Oh... then that wasn't me. I hated that chick. Total bitch, she was.

Bryan: It looks like the crowd isn't the only ones confused right now.

Yale: I'm sure she gets that all the time.

Bryan: What do you know about this Elise Ares, that makes you like her so much.

Yale: That top is all I need to know.

The Havana Harlot simply shrugs her shoulders and continues on, as The Roxx waits impatiently in the ring.

Ares: As many of you know, I left for the life I deserve. A life of fame and fortune on the silver screen, where I can entertain so much more than "wrasslin" fans. Women, men, and children from all over the world have flocked to their local theaters to see me... Elise Ares if you didn't catch it, entertain you the only way I know how, and BOY do I know how. But I've since seen the error of my ways, that leaving behind my "wrasslin" roots is alienating a substantial demographic of my fan base.

Bryan: The only people who know who you are?

Yale: Me! Is it me?!

Ares: 18-to-35 year old men who aren't familiar with them "movin pictures" they got in them "fancy cities." It is time for you all to fall in love with me again, just as you had before. They say if you love something let it go, and when it comes back to show.. that's how you know.

Bryan: Did she just quote Christina Aguilera?

Yale: I'm sorry, I'm not paying attention to anything that anyone is saying right now. She wins my bikini contest.

Ares: We all know that whenever I set my mind to something I want... I always get it. Movie roles, wrestling championships, Hawaiian Tropics beauty pageant trophies... they're all things of the past. What I want now, ladies and gentlemen is a second chance with the great fans of professional wrestling. All of you. Truly all I want now, is your hearts...

She flashes said million dollar smile.

Ares: And your wallets. The key to this gorgeous heart is TICKET SALES, cold... hard... cash. For you see, it wasn't Christian Zenith who bought the shares that Triumph Frost left behind, no no no.

Bryan: Oh no.

Yale: Yes! Yesssssss!

Ares: Guilty!

Elise Ares raises her hand in the air.

Ares: It was me. I did it... and in my first act I suggested that Christian Zenith be allowed to resume the incredible role he's established as an unbiased authoritarian, and regardless of your feelings abou tme you can't deny the fabulous job he's done so far.

Yale: Ehhhh...

Bryan: I have to agree with her, I was as iffy on Christian Zenith as the next guy around here, but so far I can't complain about the job he's done other than keeping that creepy masked Rasa around.

The Roxx shakes his head in the ring.

Ares: The second act... hire the tremendously talented ELISE ARES to the active roster, and I am more then proud to announce that she has accepted the contract and is here right no--



The Roxx: How dare you little jabronette come on The Roxx's show and not even have the class to introduce yourself... what is your name?

Ares: I only said it twice and it's still in huge letters right above my he--



Yale: Oh boy.

The Roxx: The Roxx says you talk about your Y2J plan...

Ares: I didn't talk about that at all, is there a script I didn't get for all of th--

The Roxx: Well The Roxx has a little plan of his own, it's called the K-Y Jelly plan, which...

Dramatic pause.

Yale: OH NO.


Ares: Wait, wait, wait, wait. That wasn't me. I think you got confused when I started talking about movies, that totally wasn't me... she just looked like me! It was my sister! I don't do THOSE kind of movies...

The Roxx: Which means The Roxx is going to lube his size 13 boot real good...

Ares: 13? I think you're over-compensating for something.

The Roxx: Turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass!


Ares: Alright, that DEFINITELY wasn't my movie.

The Roxx holds the microphone to his lips and takes in the cheers from the millions...


Elise Ares watches with one eyebrow arched as The Roxx moves his head around in all kinds of strange directions.

The Roxx: What The Roxx...


The Roxx: Is... cookin.

"Do You Smell What The Roxx Is Cookin'?" by GCW Generic Themes, Inc. plays over the arena as The Roxx looks directly back into the camera and flashes the people's eyebrow. A capacity crowd goes ballistic as The Roxx climbs on to the top rope and throws one first into the air with eyes closed, taking in the electrifying atmosphere all around him.

Bryan: Well The Roxx gets the last word over Elise Ares, that'll give Elise Ares something to think about over the next few days, King.

Yale: King? My name is David Yale... what in the hell is going on here? It's like I'm part of a pre-determined series of events that I'm not fully-aware of.

Bryan: Watch it, you're about to break the 4th wall there.

Yale: My bad... puppies! Puppies, JB!

Elise Ares simply shakes her head and turns towards the back as The Roxx enjoys his 15 minutes of fame, and takes in the only relevence he'll have until next year's throwback show.

Back to Top

David Yale - This match is a Hell in the Cell. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 150 pounds, from Nova Scotia, Canada, Aimz!!! (crowd cheers ********)

["Makes Me Wanna Die" by the Pretty Reckless plays. ]

David Yale - and her opponent, weighing in at 256 pounds, from the Pacific Heights section of San Francisco, CA he holds the World HeavyWeight title belt, Triumph Frost!!! (crowd boos **************)

["What Does Your Soul Look Like (Part 2" by DJ Shadow plays. Triumph Frost stands at the entrance, and a cage with a cloth over it is wheeled in behind him.]

James Bryan - What's this all about?

[Triumph Frost holds up a microphone.]

Triumph Frost - Tonight's retro night or whatever, and that's stupid and shit. Also, this bitch has friends that cheat and stuff. So I brought along insurance.

[Triumph Frost pulls the cloth off of the cage.]

James Bryan - Dear lord! Triumph brought a cage full of Juggalos!

[Sure enough, there's about ten to fifteen rabid stank-ass white-faced Juggalos snarling and foaming at the mouth, smashing their heads into the cage and grunting and whatnot.]

David Yale - Man, I hope they don't get loose.

[Triumph gets into the cage. Aimz places Triumph Frost on the turnbuckle and executes a front-layout suplerplex. Triumph Frost places Aimz on the turnbuckle and executes a front-layout suplerplex. (the bell rings) Aimz pokes Triumph Frost in the eyes. Triumph Frost hits Aimz with a rolling elbow smash to the face. ]

James Bryan - Triumph Frost with a rolling elbow smash.

[Aimz gets back to her feet. Aimz trys for a gutbuster but is unable to lift Triumph Frost.Triumph Frost rakes the face of Aimz in attempt to make a come back. ]

David Yale - Aimz takes a face rake.

[Triumph Frost gets caught with an elbowsmash to the face. Aimz trys for a spinning backbreaker but is unable to lift Triumph Frost.Triumph Frost hits a spinning leg lariat on Aimz sending her to the mat. Aimz gets taken down with a corkscrew armdrag. Aimz gets back to her feet. Aimz trys for a cobra clutch suplex but is not strong enough to lift Triumph Frost.Aimz puts Triumph Frost in the double reverse chinlock. Josh Briggs asks Triumph Frost if he quits. ... Triumph Frost trys to escape. ... Triumph Frost trys to escape. Aimz breaks the hold. ]

David Yale - I wish every match could be like this!

[Aimz tackles Triumph Frost. Triumph Frost chops Aimz. ]

James Bryan - Triumph Frost executes a chop.

[Triumph Frost mule kicks Aimz. ]

David Yale - Follows up with a mule kick.

[Triumph Frost rolls onto Aimz connecting with a knee. Triumph Frost grabs Aimz and applies an arm wrench. ]

David Yale - Aimz takes a arm wrench.

[Aimz moves back to her feet. Aimz trys for a backspin DDT/Miavia Hurrcane but Triumph Frost avoids it. Aimz applies a nerve hold on Triumph Frost. Josh Briggs asks Triumph Frost if he quits. ... ... Aimz tightens the hold. ... Triumph Frost escapes. Triumph Frost puts Aimz on the turnbuckle and executes a belly-to-belly superplex. Triumph Frost gets up. ]

James Bryan - My God!! What a match!

[Triumph Frost executes a corkscrew legdrop on Aimz. ]

David Yale - corkscrew legdrop by Triumph Frost.

[Triumph Frost stands up. Aimz moves back to her feet. Aimz short clothslines Triumph Frost. ]

James Bryan - short clothesline!

[Aimz grabs Triumph Frost and applies an arm wrench. ]

David Yale - Triumph Frost takes a arm wrench.

[Aimz fist drops Triumph Frost on the mat. ]

James Bryan - Aimz executes a fist drop.

[Aimz moves back to her feet. Aimz puts Triumph Frost in an arm grapevine submission. Aimz executes a corkscrew legdrop on Triumph Frost.]

David Yale - Those Juggalos are making me nervous.

James Bryan - Me too.

[Triumph Frost is back on his feet. Triumph Frost picks up Aimz and hits him with a Back Suplex. Triumph Frost is up again. Aimz gets locked in the painful STF. Josh Briggs is checking for a tap out. ... ... ... ... Aimz is fighting the hold. Triumph Frost breaks the hold. ]

David Yale - Triumph Frost is taking it to Aimz.

[Triumph Frost puts Aimz in an arm grapevine submission. Triumph Frost takes a slap to the face from Aimz. Triumph Frost bounces Aimz off the ropes and faceslams her onto the mat. Triumph Frost hits Aimz with an elbowdrop. Triumph Frost is up again. Aimz gets hit with the shooting star press from Triumph Frost. Josh Briggs counts. ...1 ...2 Aimz kicks out. ]

David Yale - He should have just stayed on the attack.

[Aimz moves back to his feet. Aimz punches Triumph Frost in the gut. ]

James Bryan - Aimz with a fist to midsection.

[Triumph Frost with a high crossbody on Aimz. Aimz gets hit with the shooting star press from Triumph Frost. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 Aimz kicks out. ]

David Yale - You just can't win this early in a match. Especially with an opponent like Aimz.

[Now Aimz standing. Aimz trys for a running powerslam but is not strong enough to lift Triumph Frost.Aimz and Triumph Frost move to ringside. Aimz throws the steel steps at Triumph Frost. Triumph Frost gets taken down with an armdrag takedown. Triumph Frost tackles Aimz. ]

James Bryan - football tackle!

[Aimz gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Triumph Frost. ]

David Yale - Aimz takes a diving elbow smash.

[Now Triumph Frost standing. Triumph Frost fist drops Aimz on the ringside mat. ]

James Bryan - Triumph Frost with a fist drop.

[Aimz stands up. Aimz hits Triumph Frost with a baba chop. ]

David Yale - Follows up with a baba chop.

[Triumph Frost executes a jawbreakeron Aimz. Triumph Frost is up again. Aimz is up again. Aimz trys for a standing piledriver but is not strong enough to lift Triumph Frost.Aimz takes Triumph Frost out of the cage. ]

David Yale - I wish every match could be like this! Is that the greatest move ever or what?

James Bryan - Yes sir!

[Aimz trys for a fisherman suplex but is not strong enough to lift Triumph Frost.]

David Yale - Ha!

[Aimz bounces Triumph Frost off the ropes and faceslams him onto the concrete. Aimz is back on her feet. Now Triumph Frost standing. Triumph Frost pokes Aimz in the eyes. ]

James Bryan - Triumph Frost executes a eye poke.

[Triumph Frost applies the clawhold on Aimz. ]

David Yale - Follows up with a clawhold.

[Triumph Frost throws Aimz off the ropes and hits him with a diving shoulder block. ]

James Bryan - Triumph Frost executes a diving shoulder block.

[Triumph Frost stomps Aimz's head. Aimz stands up. Triumph Frost throws Aimz off the ropes and hits her with a cross-body block. ]

David Yale - Nice cross-body block by Triumph Frost.

[Aimz moves back to her feet. Aimz executes a jawbreaker on Triumph Frost. ]

James Bryan - Triumph Frost takes a jawbreaker.

[Aimz is up again. Triumph Frost gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Aimz. Now Aimz standing. Aimz kicks Triumph Frost on the concrete. ]

David Yale - stomp by Aimz.

[Aimz rolls onto Triumph Frost connecting with a knee. Aimz hits Triumph Frost with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle. Aimz knees Triumph Frost and rolls back to his feet. Triumph Frost knocks Aimz out with a tilt-a-whirl powerslam. ]

James Bryan - That tilt-a-whirl powerslam was very good.

David Yale - This is quality sports entertainment!

[Aimz gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Triumph Frost. ]

James Bryan - diving elbow smash!

[Aimz gets back to her feet. Aimz trys for a fireman's carry but is unable to lift Triumph Frost.Aimz hits a spinning leg lariat on Triumph Frost sending him to the concrete. Aimz puts Triumph Frost in an arm grapevine submission. ]

James Bryan - Triumph Frost takes a arm grapevine.

[Aimz fist drops Triumph Frost on the concrete. Aimz stomps Triumph Frost. ]

David Yale - Follows up with a stomp.

[Triumph Frost is up again. Triumph Frost grabs Aimz's head and hites him in the face. ]

James Bryan - face bite!

[Triumph Frost superkicks Aimz. Aimz gets back to his feet. Triumph Frost goes for a head and arm suplex but Aimz dodges the attack. Triumph Frost takes Aimz to the top of the cell. ]

James Bryan - Triumph Frost is doing quite well at this point in the match.

[Triumph Frost hits Aimz with the crotch slam. Triumph Frost measures Aimz up and drops a closed fist. ]

David Yale - fist drop by Triumph Frost.

[Aimz stands up. Aimz grabs Triumph Frost by the arm and breaks it over his shoulder. ]

James Bryan - armbreaker!

[Aimz hits a kneeling headbutt to Triumph Frost's groin. Triumph Frost is up again. Triumph Frost executes a huge gutbuster on Aimz. Triumph Frost executes a corkscrew legdrop on Aimz. Triumph Frost stands up. Triumph Frost puts Aimz in an arm grapevine submission. ]

James Bryan - Triumph Frost with a arm grapevine.

[Triumph Frost rolls onto Aimz connecting with a knee. Triumph Frost drives a forearm into Aimz. Triumph Frost gets back into the match with a jumping neck snap on Aimz. ]

David Yale - Aimz takes a jumping neck snap.

[Aimz gets bounced off of the ropes and hit with a backdrop diver by Triumph Frost. Triumph Frost climbs to his feet. Triumph Frost with a falling splash on Aimz. Triumph Frost stands up. Aimz dives off the cage. Triumph Frost climbs down to ringside. Triumph Frost short lariats Aimz. Triumph Frost climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and executes the diving headbutt on Aimz. Triumph Frost gets back to his feet. The fight has moved into the cell. Triumph Frost and Aimz climb into the ring. Triumph Frost scoops Aimz up and drops him on the tacks. Triumph Frost uses a lariat on Aimz. Aimz is up again. Aimz gets hit with a back heel kick.]

James Bryan - Wait! Who's that running down to the ring?

David Yale - It's Scott Stevens!

[Scott Stevens makes obligatory appearance. Scott Stevens jumps into the cage and clotheslines Triumph Frost and then clotheslines Aimz.]

James Bryan - Scott Stevens is a house of fire!

[Scott Stevens poses, until from under the ring Bishop Steele appears.]

James Bryan - OMG! Bishop Steele returns!

David Yale - He was under there the whole time!

[Bishop Steele has a chair, and he smashes Scott Stevens over the head. Bishop Steele poses, and then more people run down to the ring.]

James Bryan - It's Micah St. Claire and the Saints! They're ganging up on everyone!

David Yale - What are those Saints guys names again?

James Bryan - I don't know. Who cares.

[Micah St. Claire an the Saints attack everyone, until everyone gets the upper hand and beats the crap out of them and stuff. Suddenly, more people from the past appear.]

James Bryan - That's Slash! And Dead Cool! And Dr. John Danner! And Playboy Johnny Davis! And The Marauder! And Aaron Rain! And Double Cool Rock Hard Steve Boston! And the Illustrious Face Eater! And The Stockbrokers! And Futureshock! And Rollin' Large!

David Yale - Do we know these people?

James Bryan - I don't know. Who cares?

[It's pandemonium in the ring. Bodies fly everywhere, and it's madness and whatnot. Suddenly...]

James Bryan - Is that...? It is! Jesus Christ has returned to earth! The lord and savior--

David Yale - He's got a steel chair!

[Thwack! Jesus Christ hits Triumph Frost with the chair in the head, and then hits everyone in sight, including Aimz, the Saints, and whomever else that was probably mentioned. I don't know. Who cares.]

James Bryan - This is madness! Someone has to stop this!

David Yale - Referee Josh Briggs left, like, five minutes ago.

James Bryan - Will anyone stop....wait. The cage! It's open! It's empty!

[Sure enough, the cage is empty. Which means...]


[The Juggalos rushed to the cage like a pack of wild animals looking for a piece of fresh meat. The spectators screamed before evacuating en masse, with the wrestlers in the cage trapped in their potential mesh-weaved tomb. It only takes them a matter of moments to burst through the doors.]

James Bryan - This is insanity! We're leaving! For David Yale, I'm James Bryan saying...God help us all!

[The ring is enveloped by the Juggalos. They climb the sides of the cage and get inside. Everyone except Aimz and Triumph Frost is engulfed by the Juggalos, the latter two teaming up with chairs to make a path to freedom.]

James Bryan - C'mon, Dave! We gotta get the hell outta here! Dave? DAVE, LOOKOUT!

[A Juggalo approaches David Yale, who's entrenched in fear. He can't say anything. Only the Juggalo says anything.]

Juggalo - How do fuckin' magnets work?

David Yale - Wh...what?

Juggalo - How do fuckin' magnets work?

David Yale - I...I don't...

James Bryan - Dave! We have to leave now!

Juggalo - How do fuckin' magnets work?

David Yale - I...I'm scared!

James Bryan - Dave!!

[James Bryan grabs David Yale and yanks him away, and they barely escape. Meanwhile, the Juggalos feed on the ones not lucky enough to make it out of the cage. Suddenly, they've multiplied. And the mantra of the Juggalos fills the arena.

How do fuckin' magnets work? How do fuckin' magnets work?

Echoing through the halls before the show faded to black...]

[The Juggalos would move swiftly from the arena into the Kansas City metroplex, traveling like an airborne virus. Their mantra filled the streets. "How do fuckin' magnets work? How do fuckin' magnets work?" By dawn, they had taken residence in the entire eastern part of the city. When the army was finally called in, the final toll was a few minor injuries to the unaffected, and an undetermined number of Juggalo casualties that some say ranged in the tens of thousands.

Not a single one was missed.

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WorldWide 158 Credits

Results compiled and archived with Backstage V2.