The sound of jingle bells fills the arena as the crowd begins to roar. Red and green fireworks explode from the stage and the Toyota Center goes wild.

Bryan: Welcome everyone to a packed house in Houston, Texas, as GCW presents to you Christmas Chaos! Eight years ago at this event, Tristain Mayhem defeated Octavian, Badger Benandanti and Jason Dread for the GCW World Championship! Tonight, Christmas Chaos returns as GCW prepares for NC-17! Hello, everyone, I'm James Bryan at ringside as always with David Yale, and Dave, we have no idea what to expect tonight!

Yale: That's right, JB, we have no clue what matches we'll be seeing, we have no idea what's going to happen! We know that nearly the entire GCW roster will be in combat tonight, but even they won't know what they're in for until the moment arrives.

Bryan: This is going to be an exciting, unprecedented night for Global Championship Wrestling. And we've got more than just wrestling in store for you! Tonight we'll have some sneak previews of NC-17, and we'll also be revealing the 2009 GCW Awards Winners!

Yale: What a huge night, JB. But I have to lodge a formal protest that GCW still has not given out an award for best on-air color commentator. Robbed yet again.

Bryan: My broadcast partner's insecurity notwithstanding, the votes have been cast and the awards winners are going to be revealed. But perhaps even bigger than that is the fact that NC-17 is just a month away!

Yale: I can't wait, JB. Last year's event was the biggest in GCW history, and this year we're going to top it. And what better place to host it than JerryWorld-- err, Cowboys Stadium in Dallas?

Bryan: We were just there this week for a walkthrough of the new palace in Dallas, and fans, there are no words to describe it. We're expecting a crowd of well over 100,000 for NC-17 this year, and this event should be unlike anything we've seen in professional wrestling before.

Yale: But that's assuming we even make it out of this night alive, JB. We've been given no preparation for this event, we have no timelines or storyboards, we have no idea what will happen from moment to moment.

Bryan: There is one thing we know for sure. And that's that somewhere backstage there is a Markus Stone: Molester Edition Action Figure, and whoever finds that doll tonight becomes the new American Dream holder!

Yale: I'm inclined to go back there and look for it myself, JB, but I wouldn't want to throw off the competitive balance of the United States Title division.

Bryan: At any rate, we'll be following the search as the entire roster has a chance to get a US Title shot! It's an historic night for GCW, let's get Christmas Chaos started!

Back to Top

Yale: What the Hell?!

Bryan: Um, for once I concur. What in the world?

The camera focuses on the announce table to reveal two small animals shuffling their way along the top of table. They appear to be ferrets, one dark and one white. The dark one wears shiny pink squarish glasses and the white one wears a multi-colored clown color. Between them, they’re carrying and ipod touch.

Yale: Why are their small furry animals on our table, JB? I really can’t work under these conditions.

Bryan: Well, it is Christmas Chaos. And I guess this qualifies.

The two ferrets carefully set up the ipod and poke the buttons with remarkable dexterity as the camera zooms in and the crowd laughs and points as they’re shown on the Megatron. Through the tinny little speaker, the opening guitars and horns of a familiar holiday song are picked up by the mics…

Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad
Prospero Año y Felicidad.

The ferrets dance a perfectly synchronized little dance, hopping and rolling their paws over in time.

Yale: It’s too early in the show for my brain to be exploding like this.

Bryan: Aw c’mon, they’re kinda cute.

Yale: My ass!

Yale takes a swipe at the ferrets, but they duck in a sweeping bow and in the process raise their rumps in Yale’s direction and shake them vigorously in time. The crowd goes wild and Yale splutters.

Bryan: Now that’s entertainment right there.

Yale: Oh shut up!

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas
From the bottom of my heart.

The ferrets skip and rhumba through the stanza and make a sweeping finish with their little paws over their hearts, to cheers and applause. Then they turn and bow to the announcers and exit, with the ipod between them, running up the aisle.

Bryan: Well, that’s a new and different way to start things off!

Yale: Hopefully not an indication of things to come.

Back to Top

The camera cuts to an area rarely explored by any of those employed by GCW, the main fan entrance. Standing directly outside of the entrance in a makeshift Santa’s Workshop, coupled with a customary Christmas tree, is Tessa Windsor clad in a tiny green Santa’s helper dress that complemented her hourglass figure just as much as her legs. Beside her to the left is a line occupied by a couple dozen sharpie yielding children, and of course their parents. To the other side of her stands a barrel filled with decorated boxes, wrapped with ribbons and bows.

Bryan: I can’t say I’m surprised to see Tessa Windsor getting into the holiday spirit.

Yale: I want to know what she’s giving away.

As if on command, the camera zooms in to a small cluster of kids who had just received their gifts. Rabidly taking to the wrapping paper, the smallest boy among the bunch who looks to be about five, curls his bottom lip out as he immediately begins to pout.

Boy: I don’t want a Bishop Steele action figure!

The group of children around the boy appears to be equally as disappointed as they open their own boxes. The girl behind him shouts as she pulls her toy out of the package.

Girl: Who is this guy? I don’t even know him!

One of the other girls around her chimes in.

Girl # 2: I think that’s a janitor.

Upon the camera’s further inspection, the camera reveals the action figure to truly be Arizona, former member of the B&E~! entourage. The little girl hardly seems humored by her gift. In fact, she shoves it off to the other girl.

Girl: Ewww. It smells!

Both girls pinch their nose as they walk away with the action figure at hand.

The next little boy that walks away from Tessa with a gift in hand seems to be struggling to hold the package he is holding. All of the kids eyes widen in amazement as he places his gifts down on the ground to open it, obviously assuming that the biggest is the best. Instead, it ends with another disappointed face.

Boy # 2: Not Kimbusa!

Tessa hears the racket caused by the child and finds it damn near impossible to hide her flustered face, even underneath the giant green elf cap she is wearing. As authentic as they were, obviously these toys were nothing more than items that could likely be found, and probably came from, the clearance isle of the local Wal-Mart. She sighs under her breath.

Windsor: Guess I should have order these things myself.

Unwillingly disregarding the disappointment of the children around her, Tessa hands the next gift off to a little blond boy with shoulder length hair who looks to be about ten. The boy wanders off after getting her autograph, hoping she will be luckier than those before her. This time, it seems to have finally paid off.

Boy # 3: ALRIGHTTTTTTTTT! Rikki Roxx!

Tessa’s relief is shown through a smile that last only but a second before things fall apart again, this time quite literally. The boy shrieks in anger as he looks down at the ground at his broken Rikki Roxx action figure that is missing several of its appendages. What’s even more troublesome than the boys shrieking is the man who suddenly lurks into the scene, Santa hat atop his head.

Looking down at the broken action figure, Markus Stone of course has to make a wise crack.

Stone: Look at that, even his action figure does the J-O-B.

Hearing his voice, Tessa turns her attention away from the children in line and over toward Markus Stone.

Windsor: What are you doing here?

Stone: Why I’m just seeing what my favorite little elf is up to.

Even in the presence of children Tessa is unable to disguise the anger boiling over inside of her at the very moment.

Windsor: You’re trying to get under my skin.

Stone poorly feigns innocence by snaking his arm around Tessa’s shoulders as if the two were still good friends.

Stone: Now why would I do that during the holidays Tess? Especially with all these kids around.

Knowing better than to fight off his grip, Tessa responds only with a hushed snarl.

Windsor: I know the kind of games you play Markus. Save it for later. I’d hope that even you would be aware that this is not the time or the place.

Stone: Lemme know when you want to meet up then Tessie darling, and I’ll be glad to show up, jingle bells on.

Tessa refuses to comply as she slowly slides away from his arm.

Windsor: You’re not clever or even remotely funny Markus. When I said later, I meant later.

Stone: Ah come on sugar plum, no kiss under the mistletoe?

On cue Markus pulled a stem of mistletoe from his back pocket and held it over both of their heads.

Windsor: Don’t make me gag.

Stone: WHOA Tessie! Let’s not move on too fast. Though there’s plenty of other things we can do that don’t involve……

Windsor: Stop right there Markus or I swear!

Markus realizes he has her there and grins ear to ear as he lurks closer to her again. He asks ever so seriously.

Stone: You swear what? I know you don’t condone violence in your own children’s morals; do you really want to encourage it in anyone else’s by beating me up right here in front of all these innocent little kids?

Windsor: Quit the games now.

Stone flat out ignores her as he provokes further.

Stone: You never answered my question.

Windsor: It doesn’t deserve an answer.

Stone: So you would beat me up. Because that’s just the kind of person you are. You don’t care about these kids, you care about your image. You’ve got to mop up the mess I’ve created for you. Prove to the world that Tessa Windsor is more than a self righteous little lady who sleeps her way into people’s hearts.

Windsor: You’re full of it Markus.

He provokes again with his sick little grin.

Stone: Full of what?

Windsor: You know exactly what I’m thinking.

Stone: They don’t though.

Pointing out towards the remaining kids, Markus hovers over Tessa to whisper his own words of ‘wisdom’.

Stone: One day, they’ll realize you’re a fake. What are you going to do to prove to them otherwise?

Tessa pulls away from him and calls for the next kid in line.

Stone: The truth won’t dissipate into thin air the same way that boy of yours did. Don’t let them learn the hard way Tessa.

She finally snaps, turning to face him with reddened cheeks. She venomously spits at him.

Windsor: There is no truth to begin with Markus. It’s all a game to you. You trying to make me feel like I’m in the wrong for some crazy scenario you’re crafting in your head. You just can’t handle being alone.

Stone: Oh believe me Tessa, I can handle it. It’d just be that much better with you by my side. I’d forgive everything you’ve ever done wrong.

Windsor: It’s not happening.

Stone: Then take the hard road Tess. Just don’t say I didn’t offer you a chance to avoid everything coming your way.

Tessa turns away from him in hopes that he’ll grow tired of his own yapping and finally disappear. He does seem to do so, but not without having to add in one last thought.

Stone: Oh and Tessa….

She turns only slightly to acknowledge him. Just that little distance is enough for him to grab her by the forearm and force her to face him, mistletoe still in hand. He hangs it over them as he forces her again by the arm close enough for him to plant a deep wet one straight on her lips.

Stone: Merry Christmas sugar plum.

Instead of swinging like she should have, Tessa immediately marches off in disgust, leaving a small group of now even more disappointed children behind.

Bryan: How much more of a jerk can Markus Stone be?

Yale: What are you talking about JB! He’s totally into the holidays. I should have used his idea and brought some mistletoe along with me.

Bryan: You know Tessa did not want to kiss him!

Yale: Of course not. But maybe she’d kiss me instead...

Bryan: Make sure to add that to your Christmas list then, because that’s about the only chance you’d ever have.

Yale: It’s still much better than yours. But let’s move on to our next bit.

Back to Top

Backstage in the Church of the Unholy’s locker room, the two men are scheming and plotting what to do in regards to the scavenger hunt for the Markus Stone Christmas Molester action figure hidden somewhere in the arena. Varga knows this and wants it for himself so he can be the new American Dream winner. However he’s been plotting and scheming about this for weeks and has a plan.

Varga: I ordered some fake action figures to hide in the arena to throw everybody off. None of these scumbags will be able to tell the difference between these fake ones I ordered and the real one.

The Count seems amused by this.

Count: This is going to be unholiness at its finest.

Varga: I know. That’s the best part. I want to hear women and children screaming and crying over their heroes losing out to a nasty bastard like myself. This is going be a nightmare for GCW when the American Dream becomes, literally, the American Nightmare. I’ll cash it in when the champion is at his weakest and capture the United States championship just to show all of these hypocrite fans who the REAL captain of the Original Church of the Unholy really is.

Count: That AXEL Action is a menace.

Varga: We’ll deal with him later. For now, we deal with Mortifera, the Schizophrenic Demonoids, and System-X. After that, the skies the limit. With both the tag titles and the American Dream, we’ll control the landscape of GCW.

The Count and Varga look at each with knowing looks before quickly walking out of the locker room. The plan is now in motion. Only time will tell if it will work.

Back to Top

Are you feeling Christmassy yet, viewer?

No?

Well, you will be in a minute.

Backstage and we’re in Andy Murray’s locker-room, although the festive décor makes it look like Wal-Mart’s tinsel department. Over-decorated to the point where it’s completely garish and entirely tasteless, the room is a wonderland of foil decorations and twinkling fairy lights. In the corner of the room sits a stack of unopened gifts by a grand, gold-coloured throne, and repetitive Christmas jingles drift from an old CD player.

Perhaps the most eye-catching sight, though, are the two sheep that occupy a pen in the opposite corner. Both are white and fluffy, with fake red noses slid across their own and sets of felt reindeer horns slid over their heads. They bleat contently to one another, completely oblivious to the Scottish King of Cool’s winter wonderland.

Murray: Here we are, boys.

The GCW World Heavyweight Champion steps into the scene, although it’s not Andy Murray was we know him. Tonight he’s dressed from head to toe in red and white, with a big fake beard and a large belly beneath his festive attire. Andy Claus steps towards the sheep’s pen and cuts open a haggis, before sprinkling the Scottish delicacy’s warm innards across the pen. The sheep sniff the questionable foodstuff curiously, before nibbling at it.

Murray: Much better than grass and weeds, eh lads?

Yale: What the heck is going on?

Bryan: Andy’s getting in the festive spirit, Dave.

Yale: I can see that -- I was talking about the sheep!

Bryan: Oh, heh. Yeah… I guess he couldn’t get any real reindeer or something. They’re a hot commodity at this time of year, you know.

Looking pleased with himself, Andy Claus smiles and looks around the room. All is seemingly set for a night of festive fun, until he hears the bathroom door slowly creaking open.

Valentine: I’m still not really on board with this idea...

The camera swings round and immediately it’s evident why Vivica J. Valentine is concerned. Against her own wishes, she’s dressed as an elf. A small, green hat’s perched on her head and two plastic, pointy ears have been slid across her own. Not only that, but her green and red shirt is sleeveless and her skirt’s at least two inches shorter than she’d like.

Yale: Oh. Oh my.

Bryan: Andy Murray must be the most persuasive man in the universe to convince Vivica J. Valentine, of all people, to dress like that…

Murray: It’s Christmas, V! The one time of year where you don’t have to dress like a pissed-off little rock chick.

Valentine: It’s not really the outfit, more the lack of it... don't you have something more... I dunno... more something?

Murray: Get outta here, you look stunning.

Valentine: I look like a slutty Legolas.

The Fearless Phenom looks down awkwardly at her outfit, tugging at the bottom of her shirt and cringing.

Valentine: I don’t know, Andy. I get that Christmas is your thing and I’ll happily help you out tonight, but can’t I just wear my normal clothes? This just isn’t me; I look like an idiot. I feel like I should tell the world that they're taking the hobbits to Isengard. And I hate hobbits.

Murray: How many elves do you see walking around in jeans and a t-shirt?

He steps towards his uneasy partner.

Murray: Let’s just have some fun tonight, eh? There’s so much shit going on around us and we gotta fight each other in a couple of weeks, but tonight’s a great chance for us to just kick back, relax, and enjoy ourselves without having to worry about any of that crap. Besides, it’s gonna be funny as shit watching some of these goon’s faces drop when they see their gifts.

The King places a calming hand on Valentine’s shoulder.

Murray: One night. Just do this for me, okay?

She nods sheepishly.

Valentine: I guess...

Murray: Besides, if any dudes come up in here and try to hit on you, I’ll punch them in the fallopian tubes.

Valentine: Andy, guys don’t have fallopian tubes.

Murray: ... they don’t? Shit.

Just as Andy Claus is about to rethink his strategy, there’s a knock at the door. Startled, Murray jogs across to his throne and sits down as Valentine takes her position by the pile of gifts.

Murray: Ho ho ho! Please, come in!

The door slowly creeks open and GCW’s face-painted former Television and United States champion steps through the doorway. At first he’s somewhat taken aback by the splendour of Murray’s grotto, but soon he gets used to it. Apart from the reindeer sheep �" ain’t nobody getting used to those motherfuckers.

Murray: Well if it isn’t my old acquaintance Shaggy 2 Dope! Come hither, dear boy.

AXEL: Ummm, I’m not Shaggy 2 Dope.

Murray: My apologies, Gene Simmons. Come on in.

AXEL: Dude, seriously. It’s AXEL.

Murray: Okay, Ronald McDonald.

Giving up, AXEL finally walks into the grotto fully, although he’s not alone. Behind him waddles a short, portly woman wearing far too few clothes for a woman of her size. AXEL beckons her into the room and she does so with all the grace of a hippopotamus as Andy and Vivica stare on, bemused.

Murray: Ummm. What the hell, dude?

Yale: … exactly what I was thinking.

Bryan: Has AXEL got a new sidekick or something?

Yale: If the man was going to hire a female sidekick, he'd at least make sure she was pretty.

Smirking, AXEL drapes an arm around the shoulders of the rather rotund woman next to him. Looking back and forth between Andy Claus and his elf, he can't help but chuckle.

AXEL: What are you talking about? Don't you guys remember Mrs. Black?

Andy and Vivica narrow their eyes, attempting to figure out just what is going on. Sighing quietly, AXEL shakes his head and points to the woman's belly. It was much larger than normal.

AXEL: Remember earlier this year when I vowed to make Big D's mom carry my child if I won the Television Championship? Well, here she is in all of her chunky glory; Mrs. Black. Ain't she a beaut'?

Murray: Whoa, whoa. Back-up a second. You impregnated Dan Black's mother?

The former United States champion nods his head.

Murray: What the hell were you thinking, man?! One Big D is bad enough! The last thing we need is another little Hershel running around the place spinning dreidels everywhere. Hang your head, man; you've let humanity down.

AXEL (shrugging): Well it pissed Black off. That's all I was thinking about.

Valentine thinks about muttering something but decides against it. Instead, she tries her very best to not feel uneasy as the drooling monstrosity that is Mrs. Black stares blankly at her. She leans towards Andy.

Valentine: I think she's planning on eating me, I don't like that look in her eyes.

Murray: Me neither. Oi, you! Dan Black's mom!

The Scottish King waves towards Mrs. Black, who turns her expressionless, drooling face in his direction. Andy Claus recoils as if Medusa's just locked eyes with him.

Murray: Jesus Christ, AXEL! Make it stop, make it stop!

AXEL: It's cool �" I'm always prepared for situations like this.

Suddenly AXEL pulls out a folded-up, brown paper bag from his back pocket. Quickly unfolding it, he places the bag atop his baby momma's head and turns back to Andy, who takes his hands away from his eyes.

AXEL: Voila.

Valentine: Thank Christ.

Murray: Tell me about it; I thought I was about to turn to stone or some shit.

A shiver judders Murray's spine before he eventually remembers the purpose of the evening's festivities.

Murray: Anywho, where was I? Ah yes! HO HO HO! Welcome, little boy, to Santa's grotto. And what would you like for Christmas?

AXEL: Uhhh, I don't know. I haven't really thought about it, to be honest with you; just saw all those shiny lights from down the corridor and thought I'd take a look.

Murray: They are wonderfully shiny, aren't they?

AXEL: The shiniest I've ever seen.

The King smiles.

Murray: So you haven't made your list yet? That's no problem, young sir. Luckily for you, Santa has already got you a suitable gift.

The GCW World Champion whistles towards his elf, and immediately Valentine sticks her hands into the pile of gifts. It takes her a few moments to rummage through them, but eventually she comes up with an oddly-shaped package labelled “Shaggy 2 Dope”. She hands the gift to Andy, who in-turn hands it to AXEL.

Murray: Here you are, my boy.

Yale: I wonder what it it, JB.

AXEL glances the long package curiously, before carefully peeling the paper away. Within a few seconds it's all but removed, and in his hands he finds a full-scale replica of the GCW United States Championship constructed entirely of coloured foil.

AXEL: Is this what I think it is?

Murray: Your very own GCW Championship Belt! Now you don't have to worry about any pesky virgins jumping you post-match and taking it away from you any more, my son. But wait! There's more! Why don't you tear away some of that foil...

Shrugging, AXEL Action does as he's advised and pulls back a section of foil. The corner below is brown; he raises it to his nostrils and sniffs.

AXEL: Is this...

Murray: … chocolate? Why, yes it is!

Figuring he probably doesn't have much use for a fake GCW US Title belt anyway, AXEL shrugs and takes a massive bite from the chocolate belt. Andy, meanwhile, rises from his chair and looks across to Dan Black's mother.

Murray: Now Mrs. D, I had no idea you'd be “gracing” us with your presence tonight so I haven't really got you anything, but I'll gladly give you ten dollars to by some contraception. Please, stop having children, it's not fair on the rest of the human race...

No verbal response comes from beneath the paper bag.

AXEL: She isn't one for talking.

Murray: So I've noticed. It's probably for the best.

AXEL: Yeah. Well, uhhh. Thank you for the candy, I suppose.

Murray: Andy Claus never lets his people down, son.

With that, AXEL turns and leads Mrs. Black out of the room as fast as the waddling mother can manage. When Murray turns around, Vivica's already scowling at him.

Murray: Oh come on, that was fun.

Valentine: If that's your idea of “fun” then I'd rather go home, I'm even more embarassed now than I was before. Plus I think I just got gawked at by Dan Black's mother. That isn't how I was planning on starting my night.

Murray: You're just jealous 'cause you think I'm gonna run away with Big D's mom, aren't you? I mean, you're pretty hot and all, but the way all that flab just hangs from her bones? Dreamy. Just dreamy.

The King pauses.

Murray: Yo, pass me that bucket. I think I'm gonna be sick.

Vivica J. Valentine raises a hand to her mouth and laughs.

Valentine: I'm not surprised.

Back to Top

Bryan: Coming up next, folks, we have quite the contest for you. It's the Dysfunctional Family six man tag team match!

Yale: It's a match that will put three people that have differences with each other on the same team, forcing them to face off with another team under the same circumstances.

Bryan: Looks like we're ready to get things underway, so let's send it to Joey Andrews, who will be introducing our competitors.

The lights go out in the arena and the sound of thunder rolls over. Over the speakers "Hollow" begins to play and a bolt of lightning strikes down on the center of the stage.

Andrews: Introducing first, weighing in at a combined weight of 735 pounds, the team of Donny Diamond, SurReal and Lori Equinox!

Emerging from behind the curtains and stepping out onto the top of the ramp, the three men receive a mixed reaction from the crowd. Making their way down to the ring, they climb in and make their way over to their respective corner, awaiting the arrival of their opponents.

Bryan: Those three are the epitome of the phrase, �strange bedfellows�, so to speak, Dave. It'll be interesting to see if they can keep it together and remain a cohesive unit tonight.

Yale: I don't know, J.B. They've been at each others' throats lately and I wouldn't be surprised to see it all break down in the middle of the ring tonight.

Strobe lights mounted to the Megatron begin to flicker in unison with the first stacatto notes of "Re-Education (Through Labor)" by Rise Against.

Andrews: Now on their way to the ring, at a combined weight of 495 pounds, the team of Cheap Labor, Daria Ngozi and Kris Michaels!

As the lead guitar starts undercutting the quarter notes with the song's main riff, the strobe slows to a stop as the drum fill crescendos into a climax. BOOM! A wall of yellow pyro erupts across the entrance ramp and Cheap Labor leaps through this barrier, landing squarely on his feet and hitting the ground running. He is racing to the ring like a hooker runs from a baptism. Leaving the others in the dust, Labor slides into the ring, propelling himself halfway across the ring via his own momentum. He gallivants around the ring, trying to stir the crowd which responds with a round of cheers.

Ngozi and Michaels bring up the rear, both climbing into the ring to join him as they try to plan their first course of action. The referee starts patting down all three members of both teams, checking to make sure no one has any foreign objects on them. Once both sides are declared clean, the referee signals for the bell to start the match.

Bryan: And here we go! The first two competitors in the ring are Kris Michaels and SurReal.

Yale: It should be interesting to see the contrasting styles of both Michaels and SurReal in action, J.B.

As the sound of the bell echoes throughout the arena, Michaels heads straight toward SurReal, attempting a double leg takedown which the Tribal War Machine quickly sidesteps. Quickly getting to his feet, Michaels makes another rush at SurReal, only to be met with an armdrag that is quickly transitioned into an armbar. Twisting and cranking on the contorted arm, SurReal places his knee into the ribs of Kris Michaels, using it as a base for leverage.

Bryan: And SurReal applies an armbar! Smart strategy here by the Tribal War Machine. He's working the arm in an attempt to weaken it.

Yale: If he takes out the arm, Michaels will lose out on a large part of his offense and also won't be able to apply his signature guillotine choke.

Using his flexibility that was gained through years of stretching and martial arts techniques, Michaels fires off with an overhead kick, one that causes SurReal to break the hold as that foot connects with the side of his head. Falling over onto his backside, SurReal shakes his head in an attempt to clear the cobwebs before getting up and heading over to make the tag to Equinox, who climbs into the ring.

Bryan: SurReal makes the quick tag to Lori Equinox. It seems that shot to the head really rattled him.

Yale: I can't say I blame him, to be honest. If I'd been kicked like that, I'd want to get the Hell out of Dodge, too.

Walking around, shaking his arm in an attempt to get the blood flowing through it once more, Kris Michaels turns around only to be floored by a clothesline from Equinox. Picking Michaels up to his feet, Equinox scoops him up and plants him on the mat with a scoop slam. Making a charge for the ropes, he bounds off them and plants an elbow to the sternum of the Executioner with an elbow drop. Scrambling to his feet, he drops another and another, landing five of them before he gets up and turns to taunt Michaels' teammates.

Bryan: What is he doing, Dave? He knows better than this!

Yale: Ah, let him have his fun, J. B. He's just letting the other team know whose boss.

While Equinox has his back turned, Michaels employs one of the most basic of wrestling moves, the Schoolboy Roll-up. Pinning Equinox's shoulders to the mat, Michaels' piles all of his weight on top of Equinox. The referee slides into position as his hand starts to slap the mat.



1!








Tw- No! Equinox kicks out before the two count!

Bryan: Michaels catches Equinox by surprise, but it wasn't very effective.

Yale: No one does the Schoolboy anymore. What's next, the figure four? No, no, no, how about the camel clutch? Yeesh! 

Both Equinox and Michaels scramble to their feet. Equinox falls backwards into the rope for momentum and goes for the quick clothesline. Michaels drops to the mat, catches his feet around his opponent's ankles and Equinox crumbles to the mat courtesy of a drop toe hold. Michaels reaches for the tag to Ngozi, and then sits on the back of the fallen Equinox.

Yale: The camel clutch! Did I call it or what?

Bryan:  Ngozi will see action for the first time today!

Yale: From what I've seen, Ngozi's all about getting the action� IF you know what I mean.

From the ring apron, Ngozi grips the top rope and springboards herself onto it. She goes airborne -

Yale: Holy ssssshhhh---

-- And dropkicks a neutralized Equinox squarely in the face. The force from the blow also sends Equinox's head careening backwards directly into Kris Michael's man-sack. Michaels breaks the submission and rolls backward, clutching his bean bag in utter agony. He rolls under the bottom rope and collapses into a pile on the arena floor. The referee checks on a motionless Equinox. Ngozi stands proudly in the center of the ring and smiles at the carnage.

Bryan: Daria Ngozi could have just broken Equinox's neck!

Yale: At least Equinox is unconscious. Poor Kris Michael's will be singing falsetto for the next month.

The camera pans down to Equinox who is bleeding from a freshly opened gash in her forehead. Ngozi studies her fallen prey and looks to Cheap Labor who is standing on the ring apron casually gnawing on his cuticles. With a sinister look on her face, Ngozi tags Labor in unexpectedly and drags Equinox's carcass to the �DWO corner.� Donny Diamond, leaning between the ropes, tags the lifeless Equinox on the shoulder and pulls himself to the ring.

Bryan: Ngozi just threw Labor to the wolves!

Yale: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, JB.

Bryan: Right you are! Ngozi was narrowly defeated by Cheap Labor for the Television Title not long ago.

Diamond charges Labor with a full head of steam and spears him in the midsection followed by a series of closed-fisted punches to the noggin. The referee splits up the tussle quickly but The Living Nightmare stays on the offensive. He pulls Labor up by his neck and delivers a stiff kick to the stomach, setting up Labor for a powerbomb. He lifts Labor onto his shoulders and begins to push him downward to the mat, but Labor bends backwards and shifts the momentum, arching back between Diamond's legs and landing a devastating hurricanrana. The Television Champion is first to his feet and launches himself into the ropes, but is tripped up by the now-stirring Lori Equinox who is laid out on the side of the ring. Cheap Labor struggles back to his feet and peers at what he tripped over. Donny Diamond seizes the opportunity and slings two arms around his opponent and launches him backwards onto his neck with a release German suplex. Diamond, undoubtedly the stronger of the two, pulls Labor to his feet again and whips him into the turnbuckle. The Living Nightmare begins barreling toward the corner for the splash, but Labor does the only thing he can do to save himself.

Bryan: Oh no, Labor just pulled the referee in front of him!

Yale: Zebra sandwich, incoming!

The referee is slammed between the two wrestlers and is crinkles to the mat like a limp French fry. Diamond stares the ref and momentarily ignores Labor, who has perched himself onto the top turnbuckle. As Diamond looks up to his assailant, he finds himself in a front face lock and has his head driven into the mat.

Bryan: Tornado DDT by Cheap Labor!

Yale: Is Labor really trying to get the pinfall right now? He just took out the ref!

True enough, Cheap Labor is covering Diamond for the count. The referee lies groggily next to them. With the referee down, and with Equinox back to her feet with a blood splotch on her forehead, the �DWO corner� decides to storm the ring. Labor is met with a big boot by the head by SuRreal and breaking the faux pinfall. Seeing 3-on-1, the �GCW corner� decides to the storm the ring as well.

Bryan: With no referee all hell is going to break loose!

Yale: Someone call Terrell Owens and tell him to GETCHA POPCORN READY!

The former MMA fighter Kris Michaels is the first to SurReal. He picks up the Tribal War Machine and nuts him with his knee via an atomic drop. The now standing Diamond meets a similar fate thanks to Daria Ngozi. Equinox is the last into the ring, and Labor picks her up and slams her down onto his knee is well. The world stops.

Yale: Did Labor just try the atomic drop on a chick?

Bryan: For the sake of continuity it was the right thing to do.

Equinox is completely unfazed by the attack. She rebounds into the ropes and leaps at both Michaels and Ngozi, hooking their heads underneath her arms. Equinox swings her legs backward and then forward with increased momentum, driving both of her opponents down into the mat with a vicious double DDT.

Yale: � more DDT's in this match than there was in the crops during the �80s.

Labor rushes Equinox, who easily launches the Television Champion over her back and sends him careening to the mat and once again squashing the referee.

Bryan: Oh my god!

Yale: Not a good day to be a ref, I guess.

All the competitors from both teams are woozily getting back to their feet and stand on opposite sides of the ring in a stare-down. In one swift movement, Donny Diamond punches Equinox in the gut and picks her up over his head for a body slam. He launches his teammate at the opposing trio and sends them all down to the mat. The Living Nightmare once again preys on Cheap Labor by setting him up for another powerbomb attempt. As Kris Michaels gets back to his knees, he is sadistically kicked in the back of the head by Lori Equinox. Diamond powerbombs Labor directly onto the fallen Kris Michaels and both men are writhing in pain. Ngozi is left by her lonesome to face both The Living Nightmare and The Tribal War Machine.

Bryan: This 3-on-3 tag has suddenly turned into a handicapped match!

Yale: These two men will most assuredly have their way with Daria Ngozi and we get to watch!

SuRreal starts on The Daring Diva with a simple lock-up and she is easily forced into a headlock. SuRreal scoops her up to his side, drops her across his knee with a backbreaker, and holds his opponent in this perilous position. Donny Diamond gets a running start and extends his leg across Ngozi's throat with a leg drop adding further injury to insult.

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH

SurReal lazily lays his back over the broken Ngozi and waits for the three count.





NO COUNT









STILL NO COUNT----







Donny Diamond is shaking the referee back to reality but it's a slow process. SurReal slaps the mat in unabated anger. All members from the DWO corner start pampering the referee and try to arouse him back into consciousness. Meanwhile, Kris Michaels and Cheap Labor have arisen once again without notice of the other team and are murmuring amongst each other.  

Bryan: Looks like Michaels and Cheap are back on their feet.

Yale: They'll need to get in their quick if they want to salvage this! Diamond, SurReal, and Equinox are on-top, despite their displeasure for one another.

Bryan: And it looks like the referee's showing some signs of life.

SurReal unceremoniously yanks the referee to his feet and tries to shake the grog from his head. Miraculously, it seems to work. The ref's head lolls from side to side before he's able to straighten himself up. Immediately, Equinox ducks away from the group and covers Ngozi.

Bryan: Here we go!

The referee hits the deck, but before he can make the first count SurReal snarls and pulls his partner away from the fallen Ngozi. He takes his adversary's place, hooking the leg.

...1!

No! This time Donny Diamond pulls SurReal away. All three members of the ex-DWO team bark at one another furiously.

Bryan: These guys just can't decide which one of them should get the three-count.

Yale: Oh dear. I knew this team just wasn't going to work out as soon as I saw their names together on the card. Look at Equinox - he looks like he's about to rip SurReal's throat out!

Bryan: Wait, LOOK OUT!

Suddenly Michaels and Cheap charge, taking advantage of their opponents' bickering. The MMA star bundles SurReal out of the ring, with Cheap drills Equinox with a DDT. Recovering quickly, Donnie tries to charge Michaels, only to walk right into a spinebuster!

Bryan: BIIIIIG spinebuster from Michaels!

Yale: And what's this? Cheal Labor's going up-top!

Labor takes a few moments to steady himself on the top rope before eventually flying off with a picture-perfect Shooting Star Leg Drop.

Bryan: The Labor Strike on Diamond! This one's over.

...1!

...2!

...3!!!

DING! DING! DING!

Bryan: That's it, it's over. A hard-fought match between two very game groups of athletes, but at the end of the day the animosity between Diamond, Equinox, and SurReal was far too great for them to overcome. A well-deserved victory for the Television Champion and his two accomplices.

Yale: Labor better keep his eyes open, though. Ngozi, Equinox, SurReal, Diamond, Michaels - all five of them remain in the hunt for the GCW Television Title, and tonight the target on his bag will only have grown bigger, especially among the ex-DWO contingent.

Bryan: Maybe so, but for tonight at least, Cheap Labor , Daria Ngozi, and Kris Michaels are victorious!

Back to Top

Christian Zenith sits in his office, which is notably bereft of any Christmas decorations, in a crisp gray suit, tapping away lightly at a slim ergonomic laptop resting atop a slim ergonomic glass and steel desk. A sharp tap at the door breaks the concentration the commissioner, apparently an unexpected visit breaking up his mountain of paperwork and phone conferences.

Zenith: I'm busy, so make it quick...

No answer is forthcoming. Zenith eyes the door in annoyance and returns his gaze to his screen. The knock comes louder and more insistent causing him to jump.

Zenith: Are you just going to stand out there all day, or are you going to come inside?

He glares at the door with a gaze that would seem to bore holes in it, but there is no answer and no one enters. He looks around, almost warily, straightens his jacket collar and sits back in his chair again.

The third knock is loud and pounding and insistent. Zenith stands straight up and strides toward the door with a cool fury etched across his features and throws the door open to find… no one.

He leans out the door and looks from side to side. First one way, then the other, then as his head turns back the other way, something sails toward him from the left and hits him in the back of the head!

Zenith: What in the...!

After grabbing the back of his head he steps out into the hall, and looks the direction from whence the object came, but the hallway is empty. He looks down and stoops to pick up the object that hit him… a large round ball of sparkling pink candy on a little stick. The lollipop is wrapped in iridescent cellophane and is large enough to raise quite a welt.

Zenith: I really don't have time for these childish games.

He slams the door and stalks back to his chair. He drops the lollipop into the wastebasket along the way and seats himself, taking a deep breath and smoothing his lapels.

Once again, a knock is heard at the door. This time Zenith levels his gaze at it, but doesn’t move.

Zenith: If you knock on that door, God help you, I'll have security take you right out of this arena. That is, if I don't get ahold of you first...

The door opens slowly and a tallish black man going slightly gray at the temples steps in, looking slightly confused. He is dressed casually in dark gray khakis and an argyle sweater of olive and a lighter gray. He smiles warmly at Zenith in spite of the lack of welcome.

Man: Excuse me, I hope I have the right office. Are you Mr. Zenith? Christian Zenith?

Zenith: I am, were you the one knocking on my door?

Man: I was. I just got here though.

Zenith: Very well then...

The man steps forward offering his hand.

Man: Eli Holden. A pleasure to meet you sir and a very Merry Christmas to you.

Zenith stares at the man, not rising from his seat. Mr. Holden seems a little put off, but soldiers on.

Holden: I’m with the Boy and Girls Clubs of America and I just wanted to come by in person to thank you for your generous donation and personally welcome you to the William Edwin Hall Society of Corporate donors of which you have made Global Championship Wrestling a member with your very generous donation.

Zenith raises his eyebrows and seems to size up Holden and perhaps his sanity.

Zenith: Generous donation? I am afraid I don't follow Mr... Holden, was it? First the knocking, the lollipops and now this? I'm a busy man Mr. Holden. I don't have time for games. I don't know if it was Clyde Fox, Cheap Labor, or The Pope who put you up to this but I have very important matters to attend to so that this show runs smoothly.

Now Holden looks to be assessing Zenith’s sanity. He retracts his hand, but still looks more amused than annoyed.

Holden: No. No, not at all. I assure you, I have no idea about any of that. But I’m sure, in your line of work, practical jokes are the norm. I was the only one at headquarters who knew a little something about wrestling when we got word of your donation. That’s why they sent me. I’ve actually seen the show and know the insanity you must have to deal with.

He chuckles and gives Zenith a knowing nod. Zenith seems to relax ever so slightly, well as much as Christian possibly can, perhaps at least convinced the man isn’t a lollipop wielding fiend.

Holden: But like I said, the Boys and Girls Clubs are grateful for your generous donation. And with it your federation joins the likes of Turner Broadcasting, NFL Charities and Walt Disney Company to name a few.

Zenith: Really? Well… I had no idea I had done such a… generous… thing.

Zenith rubs his temple and closes his eyes.

Zenith: And precisely how generous am I?

Holden: Oh it was one hundred thousand dollars, like all corporate donors of that level. You… don’t remember?

Holden smiles warmly at Zenith who merely blinks. His hands twitch.

Zenith: Well, I can never quite keep track, you know. Busy all the time, so many matters cross my desk... and all the humanitarian work and charities...

Zenith sits and removes from his briefcase a checkbook. Slowly and deliberately he opens it and removes a sleek silver pen from inside his jacket, not visibly shaken but absolutely floored on the inside, his hand shakes just the slightest bit as pen touches paper.

Holden: Er, Mr. Zenith… you also, already made the contribution itself electronically.

Zenith looks up at Holden questioningly as Holden nods.

Zenith: I... what now?

Christian folds his checkbook up and looks questioningly up at the man.

Zenith: When would I have had time to do that?

Holden: Well, just two days ago. It was transferred from one of your expense accounts I believe. I can email you the transaction record if you’ve misplaced it.

Zenith nods slowly and then affects a stiff smile which comes across as more of a forced smirk, trying deeply to hold back the shock and fury that lies behind his cold, cadet blue eyes. Anyone who knew Christian personally would almost think that this moment was traumatic, but always the consummate professional he goes on with that forced smile.

Zenith: That would be helpful. A busy man like yourself can certainly understand the day-to-day chaos that goes on with running a business and managing another. Sometimes things get crazy and you have other people take care of some of the work. But as always, you can count on Global Championship Wrestling. Our generosity knows no bounds.

Looking down Christian takes a deep breath, and speaks behind it.

Zenith: ...Apparently.

Holden grins broadly and offers his hand once again which this time, Zenith shakes, still looking vaguely traumatized by the expenditure, but putting a brave face on it.

Holden: Thank you Mr. Zenith. And a Merry Christmas to you!

He departs with a wave and leaves Zenith to his thoughts. Christian sits slowly and stares at his computer screen. He blinks and his eyes widen. In his right hand he crushes the ink pen removed from his pocket with shattering forced. Gritting his teeth, he holds back the primal scream that's rising from within. The camera pans around and we are treated to what he sees.

Way to spread the love this season, Christian!
XOXO
The Ghost of Christmas Past

Zenith looks around the room again as if someone else might be in there and then settles back and utters three words.

Zenith: Christmas... bah humbug.

Back to Top

The lights in the arena illuminate the already glowing crowd. James Bryan and David Yale wait patiently as the local Texans settle into their seats. Suddenly, ‘Ghost Town’ by Shiny Toy Guns rips through the arena...

RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Bryan: Whoa! We all know who that is!

Decked out in a homemade Elf costume, Clyde Fox wiggles his way to center stage.

Bryan: I now know what its like when a crowd goes from dead silent, to erupting in cheers.

Yale: My eardrums haven’t adjusted yet JB! I think I’m going deaf.

Bryan: The crowd noise isn’t that bad Dave.

Yale: No it’s not that. I mean they haven’t adjusted to Clyde’s high-pitched voice.

Clyde waves emphatically to his fans as he rolls into the ring and requests a microphone.

Bryan: Notice the six podiums surrounding the ring Dave? I believe it might be time for a very special holiday treat from our local neighborhood back scratcher... Clyde Fox.

The crowd settles as Clyde pulls out crumpled piece of paper.

Fox: Heto! HETO EVERYONE! I seeeeeeeee yooooooooooou! Tee hee!

The crowd goes into a frenzy as Clyde waves shyly at his fellow warriors.

Fox: Now I know some of you already know what this is allllll aboot because you saw Kal El and myself cutting out color invitations last week. Well folkies... IT’S THAT TIME! WELCOME TO CLYDE FOX’S CHRISTMAS CHALLENGE... BIG TIME!

RAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Yale: Dear lord. I can only imagine what is going to go down JB.

Fox: Now I’ve sent out six very special-wecial invites to six very deserving stupidstars to take part in the first ever Christmas Challenge. Before I invite my buddies to wingside, I must explain the rules.

Fox takes a deep breath before motoring through the fine print on his page.

Fox: This challenge is for promotional purposes only and can not, and will not be reproduced in any way, shape, form or matter in which that does not comply with the standards and practices of GEE CEE DUB enterprises incorporated registered trademark thingys.

RAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Yale: I know what he’s trying to do... and I hate it.

Fox: The Clyde Fox Christmas Challenge Winner will be rewarded with a very special gift from yours truly. To win the challenge, one must survive three rounds of pure heck! Round One is the trivia round. It’s simple, if one of the stupidstars answers even one question wrong, they are eliminated. Round Two is called ‘What’s In The Box?’ This is where we will move to an undisclosed location and have each contestant put his hands in something icky and then guess what it is!

The crowd faintly laughs at the chaos that could ensue.

Fox: Lastly... Round Free.

Yale: Three.

Fox: The remaining stupidstars will have to navigate through a chocolate maze where their prize awaits them at the end. Tee hee! SO LET’S GET STARTED SHALL WE?

RAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Fox: Introducing first, from Candycaneville, Arkansas; AXXXXXXIE ACTION!

Yale: That’d be Tokyo, Japan.

AXEL Action walks out to cheers as he takes his position at a podium.

Fox: Annnnnnd next we have the bluest stupidstar ever; ZOOOOOEY!

Zoey dances down the ramp and slides into place beside AXEL.

Fox: Introducing nexty next, from the corner of Gumdrop Boulevard and Black Jelly Bean Way; JORGE AND SHAMAMAMAN, MOOOOOOOORTIFERA!

Shaman and Jorge calmly walk down to their respective podiums.

Fox: Otay... and introuducing...

BOOM! BOOM!

‘I Against I’ by Massive Attacks pulses through the arena as everyone rises to their feet to scream obscenities at the man emerging from the back.

Fox: FROM THE VALLEY OF FAIRYTALES AND MUSKRATS; KAL EL!

LeStatt Knight slaps on a crooked smile as he waltzes down to his spot.

Just as Massive Attack fades, ‘Established’ kicks in.

Yale: WHAT?

Bryan: It’s... IT’S THE BOSS DAVE!

Fox: AND INTRODUCING LAST, HAILING FROM CANDY APPLE ISLAND; MISTER STEVEN CAAAAAAAALDERA!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Steven Caldera, festive tie and all raises his palms to the sky as if asking ‘Why wouldn’t he be invited.’ They all take their places. AXEL with Zoey on one side of the ring, Mortifera dominating their own side, and Caldera with Knight posted up on the final side.

Fox: Otay! So you’ve all been briefed on how this works. SO! LET’S PLAY THE SUPER GUMDROP MASTER QUIZ!

Some scary violin music plays as the light dim intensely.

Yale: Jeez, I’ve lost track with how many names Clyde has for things.

Bryan: Don’t worry about that right now Dave, we should try and play along too.

Fox: The random, who goes first generator has selected Mr. Caldera to go first.

A spotlight casts itself on the all-powerful owner.

Fox: Mr. Caldera, what is two plus two?

Yale: You have got to be kidding me right?

Almost stunned that he’s been asked that, Mr. Caldera can’t help but chuckle a little bit. He then leans into his podiums microphone and answers.

Caldera: Two Clyde... two.

Fox: EEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNN! YOU’RE WRONG! HAHA!

Yale: What?

David Yale’s reaction was duplicated by the crowd.

Fox: The answer is that it’s a math question silly! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THE CANDY! BYE-BYE!

The spotlight turns red as Caldera is just left there with a WTF look across his face. It takes him a second before he notices a pudgy little kid running down the ramp.

Fox: OH LOOK! It’s Elimination Dexter! He’s come to take you away! Bye-bye Mister Caldera. Better luck next time.

The fat little guy latches onto Caldera’s arm and pulls him backstage.

Yale: Clyde hired some kid to take the contestants off stage?

Bryan: He’s got his bases covered Dave.

Fox: Otay. KAL EL! You are next!

Suddenly... BOP! Out from nowhere, a lollipop falls from the rafters high above and bumps Clyde on the head.

Fox: What was that?

Knight quickly leans into his microphone.

Knight: A lollipop.

Clyde straightens up as he realizes what just happened. He kicks the lollipop out of the ring and admits to his defeat.

Fox: Otay, otay. I’ll let that one slide. You got it right.

Yale: And now it’s raining lollipops JB. What’s next?

Fox: Otay, Shaman. You are next. The square root of a pertinent monocular omnipoint is exactly how many kilograms away from the sun?

The crowd is left buzzing with unfamiliarity as Clyde finishes the question.

Yale: Five?

Shaman: Okay lemme see how many pints of blood and liquids will spill out of your body if I beat you over 12 days straight.

Bryan: That sounded more like a threat than an answer.

Fox: Ummmmmmmmmm. DING, DING! You got it right!

Yale: This is a joke JB. Shaman and Knight get lucky by The Boss gets canned so quick?

Fox: Otay, Jorge. Your turn. Eggnog is a drink consumed during which holiday season?

Crowd: CHRISTMAS!

Yale: Damn crowd beat me to it!

Jorge’s head begins to sweat, as he doesn’t want to get it wrong.

Jorge: I’m going with the crowd. It’s Christmas. But that Eggnog better have rum in it!

Fox’s eyes widen, as his precious eggnog was included in an alcoholic reference.

Fox: EEEEEEEENNNNNNN! No! That’s not nice Jorge! Eggnog is just fine by itself! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THE CANDY! BYE-BYE!

And with that Elimination Dexter rolls down the ramp again, much to the comedic relief of the crowd. He grabs Jorge’s hand, but before they can move, Jorge spins and and smashes his podium to bits. Dexter somehow tangles the angry Jorge as he takes him to the back where he and Mr. Caldera can be assumed to be kidnapped.

Fox: Otay. Two eliminations and two more people to ask questy questions to. ZOEY! This is your question! If you bred a Gaelic and an Italian together, what would you get?

Zoey thinks hard as David Yale shouts his answer into his headset.

Yale: Garlic! You’ll get garlic!

Bryan: Calm down Dave, you’re not actually competing in this thing.

Zoey: Gaelic? Like Gaelic (Garlic) bread? I guess that would give you Guido Gaelic Bread. Vampires will surely stay away from you then!

Fox: GOSH DARN IT! ENNNNNNNNNN! WRONG! You’d get an Italic. You know, like the style of writing! Cheese whiz... I’m going to have to pay Elimination Dexter overtime for this.

Just as Fox says his name, the rotund ball of child, sweaty armpits and all, shuffles down the ramp and gladly grabs Zoey. Instead of shying away from Dexter, Zoey grabs his pudgy arms and starts dancing with him.

Zoey: NA NA NA NA! HEY, HEY, HEY! GOODBYE!

Bryan: He’s certainly got nifty moves there.

Yale: Nifty? He just got eliminated JB!

Fox: Wait. Wait.

Dexter stops as Zoey looks up at Clyde with puppy dog eyes.

Fox: Those were cute moves. You can stay if you promise to be good Zoey.

Like a loyal dog, Zoey flaps his head up and down until Dexter returns him to his podium.

Yale: HEY! That’s no fair! He does a silly little dance and gets to stay in the game?

Bryan: You have to admit, it was quite the little dance.

Fox: AXXIE Action. This is your question! If you were a monkey, where would you hide a banana?

AXEL blinks in thought, tilting his head to the left in the process.

Action: In a banana hammock.

THUD!

Clyde drops his mic in astonishment. He quickly scrambles to pick it up as the crowd eagerly waits his verdict.

Fox: Hokey smoke. How did you know that?

Yale: A banana hammock? Really?

Fox: DING, DING! AXEL is correct! Good job man! I thought for sure I had you. But now it’s time for the end of Round One where I get to hand pick one more person and do something called rapid fire! Tee hee.

Bryan: I think we might have a Dexter sighting soon.

Fox: KAL EL! What is the name of Kal El's father?

Fox points down to Knight who has his face firmly planted in his hand.

Knight: Jor-El.

Fox: Dammit! Does Superman wear a cape? And if so, what color is it?

Knight: Like I wouldn’t know. Yes, it’s red.

Fox: DANG IT! What is Superman's weakness?

Knight: Superman's weakness is Kryptonite... but I could probably kill him too!

The last line gets a rise out of the crowd as Clyde nearly throws a fit.

Yale: Is it just me or has this become a Clyde versus Knight showdown?

Bryan: It’s funny because I think it’s getting under Clyde’s skin. I’ve never seen this before.

Fox: FINE! You win. You all win. Shaman, Zoey, AXXIE, Kal El. See you in the next round.

Clyde tosses the mic down and slides out of the ring as Knight arrogantly watches him all the way up the ramp. The camera fades as Zoey dances with Dexter.

Back to Top

The camera zips backstage to the bowels of the Toyota Center where (appropriately enough) two turds have gathered. Cheap Labor is shown rummaging through a vacated concession stand, continuing his determined search for the Markus “Molester of Men and Small Mammals” Stone action figure. Labor disappears beneath the counter to fumble around and food service paraphernalia goes airborne. As James Varga approaches the commotion, he must duck sideways to dodge a jumbo bag of popcorn kernels which has been carelessly thrown in his direction.

Varga: Cheap Labor?

The hubbub ceases. Tossed napkins flutter slowly to back to earth, settling on the countertops and elsewhere within the blast radius. Cheap Labor sits very still beneath the counter and tries not to make a peep, thinking that this person might just leave him alone if he pretended like he wasn’t there. It’s true: Cheap Labor is not much smarter than ostrich with its head in the sand.

Varga: Excuse me, Cheap Labor? Is that you under there?

Cheap Labor: (muffled underneath the counter) No, sorry. No Cheap Labor here.

Varga: This is important, Labor. Stand up boy!

Like a scolded juvenile, the top of Cheap Labor’s head pops out from his hiding place. His eyeballs remain at counter level as he scans the cloaked figure before him.

Cheap Labor: Who are you?

Varga: I am James Varga and I have a proposition for you.

James Varga’s calming tone, not unlike a sexual predator, does not erase the look of concern and horror that has creased Cheap Labor’s brow.

Varga: I’m glad I have your attention. Now, Labor, you strike me as a lad that has a need for attention and admiration. You have earned that from me, which is why I am here now.

Labor, who is still only visible from the eyeballs up, blinks dumbly in a non-verbal display of utter confusion. Varga slaps on his plastic smile and turns up the charm.

Varga: You’re a good boy. You mean well and you are put in terrible situations for no good reason. With the proper direction, the world could be your oyster.

Cheap Labor: Gross! I don’t like oysters.

Varga: Oh... Well, the world could be your playground then.

Cheap Labor: What would I need a playground for?

The plastic smile on the prognosticator begins to wilt around its edges.

Varga: You’re missing the point. Hear me: if you had someone to focus and center you, you could hold the world in the palm of your hand!

Labor chuckles and rolls his eyes. Varga sighs like a father whose pre-teen daughter has just asked his permission for a tongue piercing.

Varga: … no, the world will not physically fit in the palm of your hand. How can I say this? Labor, I am appointing myself as your agent. It’s my Christmas gift to you and it will ensure you a very happy new year.

This is when Cheap Labor, heart-of-a-lion-and-mind-of-a-child, erupts as spontaneously and as violently as a meth-filled volcano named Amy Winehouse. He explodes from behind the counter with venom coursing through his veins.

Labor: NO! NONONONONO! You will not be my agent, there is no possible way! Agents are bad people! If it wasn’t for those low-down, dirty, pigheaded, greedy, bold-faced lying, pus-sucking, yellow-bellied, dirt-eating--

Varga crosses his arms over his chest. A solemn expression crosses his face and dams the torrent of laughter stuck in the back of his throat.

Labor: -- anal-retentive, jerk-faced, slimy, unfair, manipulative, soul-destroying, dreams-stomping, shit-eating, good-for-nothing--

Varga pulls up the sleeve on his cloak and checks his wristwatch.

Labor: pieces of garbage, this world would be a better place! Bastards, every last one of them! Ugh! I hate agents! I hate them! IHATETHEMIHATETHEMIHATETHEM!

He Who Throws Tantrums has run out of steam. He huffs and puffs like an obese kid in an obstacle course. Varga weathers the storm like Helen Hunt in Twister.

Varga: Labor, you’re right. Agents are vile little creatures, aren’t they? All I want to do is help you make the best of yourself. You’re absolutely deserving. I mean, look at your belt--

Labor, who totes his title with him everywhere like a toddler does a favorite blankie, hugs his cardboard and tin foil TV Title replica.

Varga: You won that belt fair and square. You earned it and they took it away from you. That doesn’t sound fair to me. And this isn’t even about me; it’s not fair to you! We need to prevent this from happening again. Labor, I’m not here to be your agent. It’s such a degrading word. I’m not going to charge you anything. I’m your buddy. Consider me your mentor. And, frankly, I need your help as much as you need mine.

The mentor grabs the rogue bag of popcorn kernels from the floor.

Varga: Want to make some popcorn and talk this over, champ?

Cheap Labor, belittled and loving it, nods with approval.

Varga: Okay. Now, there’s something I need you to do for me tonight…

James Varga hops behind the concession counter and begins to fumble with a vacated air-popper. As he lifts the lid of the machine's metal hopper, he is nearly kissed by the white mammal that stretches out toward his face. Varga hits the ground like a soldier ducking enemy fire. He clutches his chest, trying to hold his pained and panicked heart in his bare hands.

Varga: OHMIGOD! GOD DAMNIT! IT’S A RAT!

Labor laughs hysterically and scrambles to his feet. With one smooth move, Labor plucks the mammal out its napping place and cuddles it.

Cheap Labor: It’s not a rat, dude. It’s a ferret.

Varga: What the fuck is a ferret?

Cheap Labor: A ferret is a domestic mammal of the type Mustela putorius furo. Ferrets are sexually dimorphic predators with males being substantially larger than females. They typically have brown, black, white, or mixed fur, have an average length of approximately 20 inches including a 5 inch tail, weigh about 1.5 to 4 pounds, and have a natural lifespan of 7 to 10 years.

Varga: Wait, you just knew that off the top of your head?

Cheap Labor: Doesn’t everybody?

It’s Varga’s turn to blink dumbly.

Varga: What the hell is a ferret doing in a popcorn machine?!

Cheap Labor: I don’t know, but whoever put it there left a note for you. It says: Peek-a-boo, Varga!

James Varga’s eyes grow as wide as dinner plates.

Varga: We need to get out of here. Now, right now! We can look for the Marcus Stone doll and pop popcorn somewhere else. Let’s go!

The scene fades to black with Varga throwing an arm around his new client’s shoulders and maneuvering them briskly away from their current locale.

Back to Top

Bryan: Well, fans, here we go with the first set of awards for 2009! Let's take a look!

2009 GCW Awards Winners

Most Missed Former Wrestler:
Garbage Bag Johnny
Jordan White
Kiljaden Kincaid
Bill Banse
Scott Stevens



Face of the Year:
Clyde Fox
Andy Murray
Vivica J. Valentine
Zacharia Taylor
Tessa Windsor



Heel of the Year:
Chris Bagwell
LeStatt Knight
Jay Terror
Digital Mortality
Mortifera



Radio Personality of the Year:
Jeff From Northern Ohio
Shaman
Eddie Fowler
The Wolfeinator



2009 Segments of the Year:
Garbage Bag Johnny
Clyde Fox
FishBough
System-X
Church of the Unholy




Bryan: There's the first five awards so far! Any immediate reactions, Dave?

Yale: Other than the fact that I absolutely do NOT miss Garbage Bag Johnny? Those are some quality winners there. Jay Terror made a late push for Heel of the Year, but how can you argue with LeStatt after that hellish feud with Andy Murray early in 2009?

Bryan: That was unforgettable, and Knight was no doubt at his sadistic best. Andy Murray, after the incredible year he's had, might sweep every category he's nominated for. He's picked up his first win tonight, though I'm told Clyde Fox wasn't that far behind.

Yale: The fans obviously loved Clyde's work behind the scenes, but it's tough for anyone to argue with Murray as the company's best goodie two-shoes of the year. Though we know of at least one person who might take issue with that one...

Bryan: Well, if you're referring to Vivica J. Valentine, I can only hope that she's willing to gracefully pass the torch to Murray, despite their impending matchup at NC-17.

Yale: Keep dreaming, JB. I think that award is something Valentine covets almost as much as the GCW World Title, and Murray may have to answer for it before the night is out.

Back to Top

The Toyota Center has never looked more alive as the night progresses on! Every fan is decked out in some kind of Christmas Holiday gear, whether it is the Santa T-Shirts or the hot selling Markus Stone T-Shirts where he is wearing a Santa hat, the crowd has it all! A night of festivities isn't even close to being done, and this match will prove to be as Chaotic as Christmas Chaos can possibly be.

Bryan: Well, we are still going through the night and it is surprise after surprise!

Yale: That is right! Tonight is truly chaotic as the name lives up to the event. I don't think we have ever had a crazier night here in GCW!

The fans go ballistic and candy canes and Christmas edition Peeps fly out from the cheering crowd.

Bryan: I have no idea what match is going to come up next, but I can assure you that it will be just as crazy as the last!

Yale: I can't even begin to guess what they are prepping the ring for!

The camera focuses on the center of the ring with event staff drilling holes and covering them with stainless steel supports. They all seem to be making a circle around the true center of the ring. The braces are tested with a solid pull from the staff and then they back off to the edges of the ring before stopping and looking up the ramp. Three men carrying ladders enter the ring with the assistance of other crew and they patiently wait.

Bryan: Do you have any idea what they are doing?

David Yale looks into the ring squinting and opens his mouth, but words fail him.

Yale: No idea...

Bryan: Ladders, braces, I have no idea what the hell could possibly be going on. Wait, what is he doing?

There is a man in the center of the ring waving his hands while he focuses above the ring.

Yale: JB, look up!

As the two announcers look up, there is a pair of Tag Team Belts hanging from a wire high above the ring. The arena explodes with anticipation as they have some idea of what is about to come. The event staff makes the stopping motion and the belts dangle in the center.

Bryan: Oh MAN! Does this mean a ladder match for the TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP BELTS????

Yale: It would seem that way, but I am not so sure that it will be a traditional ladder match with the mind of Stephen Caldera behind the make up of this thing.

Suddenly, the arena hoots, hollers, and laughs as focus changes over to the ramp. About fifteen men are carrying a massive tied up Christmas tree to the center of the ring. David Yale and James Bryan stare at one another with disbelief and then childish grins fall upon them as they look on with wonder.

It takes the whole staff to get the tree into the ring and then another man waves on a harness from above which is then attached to the top of the tree and then brought up. The men position the tree and then brace it down with the steel in the center of the ring. The men give it a couple big jolts but the tree doesn't move. They begin to cut the rope securing the tree and the branches snap into place, taking up nearly the entire ring!

Bryan: Oh this is great! There is nearly no room whatsoever for them to wrestle! This is going to get interesting!

Yale: We still don't even know who the hell is going to come out for the match! Is it going to be two teams? Three? Or more?

Bryan: I love it already!

Staff moves quickly to decorate the tree which only takes about five minutes considering how much staff is out there operating machinery and ladders. Huge strands of lights, garland, ornaments of all different shapes and sizes, and popcorn and cranberry strands everywhere! This is every child's dream! But the best is what is up top, not the angel, not the star....but the tag belts!

Bryan: As the final preparations take place we look to Andrews for the official announcement of the match.

The crowd gets quiet as Andrews stands on a ladder near the announcing table to give his instructions and introductions.

Andrews: Up next, we have GCW's first annual five way tag team Christmas Tree match! The rules will be the same as a traditional ladder match, but anything goes! All that is needed is for one member of a tag team to reach the belts to be declared the victor.

The crowd reacts to the announcement and beings to act a fool.

Bryan: WHAT? Five teams?

Yale: How are they all going to fit?

Andrews waits for a moment for things to settle before announcing the teams. He takes a deep breath and looks down at the card.

Andrews: Announcing first, from Las Vegas, Nevada... at a combined weight of 530lbs, CCCCHHHHUUURRRCCCCHHHH OF THE UNNNHHHOOLLLLYYYYYY!

Bryan: Oh man! This is going to be good!

James Varga and Count Von MacAbre come out onto the ramp holding sleigh bells in their hands and being their decent in a gallop. The crowd reacts with boos and laughs as they look like damn fools bouncing their way down. Varga stops at the bottom of the ramp and looks up at the tree in all its decadence and then focuses in on the belts at the top. He looks around with MacAbre and sees the event staff leaving into the crowd. Varga laughs and points to a single ladder that is left behind.

Bryan: It would seem like Varga is already planning out a strategy!

Yale: How can you tell? I can't see a damn thing with this tree in the way!

Bryan: Big screen my friend...

Yale: Oh yeah...

Church of the Unholy walks slowly around to the side where the ladder is and then climbs into the ring, declaring their side. Andrews sees they are settled and then looks back down at his card.

Andrews: Introducing second, from their honeycomb in Newark, NJ....at a combined weight of 420lbs...IN THEIR DEBUT MATCH, THHHHHEEEE HHHIIIIVVVEEEEE!

Bryan: You've got to be kidding me! Killer Bee is back in action!

Yale: I'd like to get me some of the pollen that Bumble Bee has on her!

Bryan: Oh come on!

Christmas music begins to play as the loveable tag team comes down the ramp. Killer Bee is hopping around and bowing to the cheering crowd as Bumble Bee is curtsying left and right as she follows Killer Bee to the ring. They look up at the tree and laugh at one another and take a stroll around the tree observing it. They finally settle on taking the side of the ring that is closest to the announcing table. David Yale nearly gets out of his seat to see Bumble Bee.

Bryan: Calm yourself!

Andrews: Announcing next...coming from the Mojave and Trondheim... with a combined weight of 730lbs....I give you MORRRRRRRRTIFERRRRAAAAAA!!!

The crowd goes nuts as the huge mammoths of GCW make their way to the ring. Shaman looks dead set on James Varga as he makes his way down to the ring. Varga laughs slightly and gives him the finger as the camera quickly cuts off of Varga. Shaman and Samuelsson make their way down to the ring and smile and shake their head as they look up at the huge tree in the center of the ring. Samuelsson motions to the left side, opposite of Church of the Unholy and they wait for their last opponent to be released.

Bryan: You know what I was just thinking, David?

Yale; How amazing Bumble looks?

Bryan: No, I was thinking how it is going to be very difficult for Shaman and Samuelsson to make their way to the top of the tree! I mean, that tree is pretty strong, but can it really hold all that weight?

David Yale sits there for a moment in contemplation and then looks back at James Bryan

Yale: I really don't care! You know that they are going to do everything in their power to get to the top of that tree, whether it be via ladder or climbing that thing. I don't know...

Bryan: I think I would have to say that they are going to have a tough time, but not impossible. But damn tough time I think.

Andrews raises the card once more.

Andrews: Alright, announcing next, from Madison, Wisconsin and Joliet, Illinois... at a combined weight of 425lbs....THE SCHHHHIIZZZOOOPHHRENIC DEEEEEMMMOOOOONNNNOOOOIIIDDDDSSSS!

The crowd cheers heartily as Kenny Mercury and Manalishi come out onto the ramp and make their way to the ring. They raise their hands to their fans, and just as every other team has, they stop in awe at the tree before them. They look around at the prying eyes of their opponents and laugh to themselves as they jump up into the ring and get on the only side left available for them. Mercury pulls on a branch and tests its durability. As it doesn't move, he nods in satisfaction.

Bryan: Alright well, one team left. Who do you think it will be?

Yale: Well, I know that it was talked about last week, but it can really be anyone! I mean, will FishBough come back?

Bryan: I think they are done for to be honest, so I can't see them coming back...

Yale: Well, I think that only leaves one team left...

Andrews clears his throat and then continues to the final team.

Andrews: And finally, introducing last....

The Christmas music goes full blast to the point where you can no longer hear the crowd. Everyone holds their ears and Andrews nearly loses his balance on his ladder. Toad and The Jhub make their way to the ramp and cross their arms in pleasant surprise as the entire arena cheers. The music lowers and The Jhub raises a microphone to his lips.

Jhub: Well, hellllloooooo everyone! It is so good to be here, I just had to come out and say...that is one mighty fine tree we have in the center of that ring!

Bryan: Ha, this is why The Jhub is everyone's favorite!

Jhub: Toad, would it be too bold to say that GCW has some serious wood right now?

The arena breaks out in a humungous roar of a laughter and Toad just stands there and shrugs at The Jhub.

Jhub: Ah, look who we have waiting for us!

The Jhub looks around the ring and the enormous tree to see who is hiding. Many faces look upon them with eagerness and dread...

Jhub: Varga and the always so sweet Cunt von..

Bryan: JHUB!

The Jhub looks around as if he has no idea why everyone is laughing, booing, and moaning at the name, but he know...oh, he knows...

Jhub: Ah, the bumblebees in the back, nice to see you, and Wow! Lovely to meet you...

The Jhub and toad run over to the back of the ring where Bumble Bee is. She begins to blush as Toad and The Jhub get in front of her, nearly worshiping the ground she walks on.

Jhub: Well, well, well!

Toad grabs the mic from The Jhub.

Toad: I feel like Romeo, yelling from the balcony to my Juliet! My love...

Toad leans in towards the ropes when a very sexy, sleek leg comes flying through the ropes and nails Toad right in the face signaling for the start of the match!

Bryan: If that wasn't a ringing of a bell, I don't know what was!

Yale: The entire ring just exploded at first blood!

Bumble Bee's kick heard �round the ring sets everyone off. The tree yanks and thrashes in all four directions as everyone but Bumble Bee and System X jump onto the tree to climb to the top. Varga is on the tree first, spring boarding from the second rope and grabbing about eight feet up on the massive tree. Count Van Dyke is right behind him, climbing the branches like scattered pieces of rope.

Bryan: Wow, look at Varga go!

Yale: Well, at least he's good at something besides running his mouth!

Both of those that make us the Schizophrenic Demonoids jump simultaneously and the tree pulls in their direction. Now it is a race to the top between Church of the totally Unholy and the Schizophrenic Demonoids! They grab branches left and right, knocking off small balls of Christmas Joy in the process..

Yale: HA! Look at Mortifera! Those big dumbasses can't even get on the tree!

Bryan: They might just be too big!

The camera focuses in on Shaman jumping up and grabbing a branch, just to see it break off or fall without supporting his weight. Jorge Samuelsson does the same thing but comes up only with broken branches in his hands. Out of frustration Shaman begins to shake the tree.

Bryan: Well, I sure am glad they took the time to bolt this thing into the ring, otherwise, there is no way anyone would be getting to the belts!

Yale: I guess these guys never knew the concept of physics, huh? Of course if they jump up to the branches they will break due to shear weight!

As Shaman breaks off another branch and throws it at the Viking who is losing his temper, the camera shifts over to The Hive as they are getting into it with System X! Bumble Bee is pulling the ropes together to keep Toads head stuck while The Jhub is pinning Killer Bee to the tree, using branches to whip back and smack him in the face. Bumble Bee knees Toad in the face and then wraps the bottom rope around his neck, pinning him in place. Toad tends to his face as he struggles to breath. Killer Bee turns quickly but meets the grueling hands of Jhub and struggles against his grip.

Bryan: We may have a winner already!

The camera focuses onto the top of the tree where Varga begins to reach for the belts! The crowd awes as his fingers dangle for the belts, but Kenny Mercury is right on his heels and reaches up for Varga instead of the belts. He grabs a hold of his arm and yanks it hard enough to make him adjust his footing, but the swaying of the tree is too much and he falls backwards off the tree! He begins his decent down the tree...

Bryan: Wait! His foot is stuck on garland about half way up the tree!

Yale: We now have a james Varga pi�±ata in the GCW Ring!

Count Van Apples savors only a moment to see if Varga is ok and then makes it further for the top of the tree where Mercury now reaches for the belts with Manalishi right behind him. The two stretch now, as the tree begins to bend away from the belt due to the weight of the two men. Count Von Macintosh begins to climb around the tree to get a good reach at Demonoids but the tree bends too much...

Bryan: Manalishi just fell off the top of the tree!

Yale: Right into Shaman's arms! What a couple. He fell from heaven for him!

Shaman throws Manalishi out of the ring and looks up as Kenny Mercury falls onto him, knocking both men out of the ring with a loud thud. Jorge Samuelson begins a hearty laugh and points to them out of the ring as Count Von MacAbre falls and hits him over the ropes as well.

Bryan: It looks like The Schizophrenic Demonoids and Count Von MacAbre just took out Mortifera!

Yale: Now body is at the top except the upside down James Varga!

The camera pans around the tree where the bottom is very thin near where Mortifera attempted to climb. Varga still struggles up high to untangle his foot, knocking ornaments all over the ring. The crowd laughs at his misfortune as the other half of the crowd roars on as the battle wages on between System X and The Hive!

The Jhub has lost his dominance over The Hive and is out of the ring as The Toad is in a standoff with The Hive!

Bryan: Well, looks like they were able to muscle The Jhub away, but let's see how they fair against our historic Hardcore Champion!

Toad grabs a hold of two large candy canes on the tree next to him and rips off a foot and a half section of garland and begins to tie the candy canes together. He shows The Hive his creation of candy cane nunchucks. Killer Bee pushes ahead of Bumble Bee and motions for the tree. Killer be nimbly jumps to the tree and begins to climb, but keeps a cautious eye on the fight about to break out below.

Killer Bee inches forward, pushing Toad back, but Toad begins to swing his creation in the air. Suddenly, Killer Bee lunges forward, but Toad is ready, and he gets clocked right on the head with the massive candy cane. He instantly falls to the ground and The Jhub meets Toad in the ring. The Jhub laughs at the creation and gives him a high five. Killer Bee looks down at the two men and quickly scales the tree.

Bryan: Wow, how innovative of Toad! He really is showing that he deserves to be a hardcore champion!

Yale: But this isn't about innovation, it is about precision and resilience! They need those belts!

Bryan: Right you are, David. And it seems that Killer Bee is making her way up slowly, but surely.

The camera goes closer to Killer Bee in her cautious assent and then twists around to a grueling battle between Shaman, Mercury and Manalishi. Count Von MacAbre is now in the ring with Samuelson in close quarters in the small section of ring cleared out in a climbing attempt. MacAbre has wooden cranberry garland, swinging it about in quick deadly motions. Samuelson is keeping his distance but is still getting hit left and right. Varga is calling down to his partner giving him tactical advice from a sky view.

Mercury runs in with Manalishi and they both give Shaman a clothesline, but the superior Shaman catches their arms and tosses them back while coming in with deadly forearms. Mercury takes the brunt of the attack and saves Manalishi but only for the moment. Shaman kicks the still standing Manalishi in the gut and gets him into a massive powerbomb. Shaman lifts him up high over his head, turns to where Mercury is standing and slams his partner right down on top of him, seemingly knocking him out cold. The crowd roars with excitement!

Bryan: Man, I don't think he's going to be doing a whole lot of wrestling after that!

Yale: They are tough, but I'm not sure they have it in them to face off against Shaman right now!

Shaman looks over at Count Von MacAbre wrapping the cranberries around Samuelson's neck. Shaman immediately jumps into the ring to help out his choking partner. Count looks up and lets go of the choke and reaches for something else on the tree. He begins to grab glass ornaments off the tree and proceeds to throw them at the Terminator-like Shaman. Nothing seems to work, so Count jumps for the tree and begins to climb.

On the other side of the ring, Toad is climbing, nearly side by side with Killer Bee, taunting her with crude comments. The Jhub, in all his ring wisdom, goes over to the ladder that is resting against the barrier and sets it up inside the ring under Killer Bee. As he climbs up he looks straight up...straight up her dress. He smiles wildly and begins to yell to Toad who laughs. Toad nearly falls off in the tree with the laughter, but catches himself. Killer Bee comes back up into the ring and climbs to the turnbuckle. His actions go unnoticed as the focus is on Bumble Bee.

Bryan: This can be dangerous!

Killer Bee Launches through the air and cross body blocks Jhub off of the ladder, sending the ladder out of the ring and The Jhub with it. Toad falls off in surprise, but grabs onto Bumble Bee's foot as he falls, dragging her with him. All four wrestlers lay in and out of the ring, motionless.

Bryan: It was a sacrifice, but at least it kept System X from getting the belts, and getting Bumble Bee!

Yale: What do you mean at least? At least nothing! I would love to see them as champs!

Bryan: Really?

Yale: Better than Mortifera or Church of the Unholy!

Speaking of them, on the other side of the ring, Varga is still hanging upside down while Count attempts to help him out of the garland death grip. Shaman is still ripping sections of the tree away as he tries to climb up to get them, but Samuelson has a much smarter idea. Samuelson heard the ladder fall from the ring and he already has his hands on it. He is making his way back to the ring!

Bryan: I don't think that these guys can win this match!

Yale: Why not?

Bryan: They can't even get three feet onto the tree, how are they supposed to climb to the top?

Yale: With Mortifera, there is always a way to win it!

Bryan: Not two seconds ago you wanted to see Mortifera lose...

Yale: When?

Samuelson motions to Shaman to move and he lifts the massive ladder above his head.

Bryan: What is he doing?

Yale: Looks like he's doing WORK!

Samuelson waits for Shaman to move and then he all out heaves the ladder over his head and nails a fleeing Count Von MacAbre and a dangling James Varga. The crowd gasps as MacAbre slams on his back into the ring, but Varga remains dangling on the garland. Count Von MacAbre just narrowly misses the ladder as he falls, much to the delight of Shaman who continues to walk towards him.

Shaman lifts Count up into the air and launches him over to Samuelson who steps out of the way, letting MacAbre fall into the ground. They share a look of strangely sexual tension and then smile it off and climb into the ring.

Bryan: Much like any match, it looks like Mortifera has leveled the competition! Every single wrestler outside of their Tag Team is on the ground!

Yale: Not all! You can't forget the ever so elusive James Vagina!

Bryan: David!

Yale: I'm...sorry...I don't know how that happen...

Bryan: Get your game in the head!

Yale: And you say I'm semi retarded...

Samuelson lifts up the ladder and puts it in the vacant spot next to the tree. Shaman takes to the sky and climbs up to the top of the ladder. He is now eye to eye with James Varga. Shaman reaches back for a wind up much to the excitement of the crowd! He thrusts his hand forward when suddenly James Varga opens his eyes and screams at the top of his lungs, surprising the twenty foot Indian, causing him to fall backwards off the ladder and into the ring. Varga's chest heaves up and down in the sensationally frightful moment.

Yale: Leave it to James VARGA to do something like that!

Bryan: Well, I don't think he meant to do it, honestly.

Yale: Whatever, either way, it looks like Shaman is down and Varga remains to be the closest to the belts!

Varga looks around dazed and confused and attempts to get to his feet to release them. Watching him try to get to his feet is like watching a fat kid do a sit up...it's not happening...

Shaman gets up to his feet and pushes Samuelson as if he was supposed to catch him or something. They continue to argue over the fall when the tree begins to shake. The camera shifts over to the other side as Kenny Mercury is seen climbing!

Bryan: How did we miss that? Right in front of us!

Yale: Well, he is making his way to the top, but it looks like he's not getting away that easily.

Toad gets to his feet, nunchuks in hand, and he gets into the ring. He looks around quickly and notices a dangling strand of wooden cranberries at his feet. He puts the garland from the nunchucks in his mouth and pulls the cranberries into what looks like a lasso. He begins to swing it over his head and eyes up his target before whipping it out and around Mercury's neck.

The Jhub: You rassel that pig!

Toad struggles to pull back to get Mercury off the tree, but Mercury won't have it! The Jhub cheers his partner on and begins to walk backwards towards the announcer's table.

Bryan: What is he?

Yale: Oh great!

Someone hands him a microphone and they set up a chair next to James Bryan.

The Jhub: Look at him go! He's going to hog tie that pig!

Bryan: Shouldn't you be wrestling?

The Jhub: Well, you see, at Dangerous Games I didn't do too much wrestling, and I did pretty good. I think with Toad out there, we got this thing in the bag, so I get to sit back and give the fans a little insider information as it goes down!

The fans cheer on The Jhub as he talks, but focus is back in the ring as Shaman makes his way towards Toad. Toad sees him coming, but still continues to pull on the cranberry garland to pull Mercury off. Shaman raises his big ol' Indian hands and goes for Toad, but he is too quick and Toad evades him. Shaman goes again, this time charging like a bull, but Toad outsmarts the Indian and wraps the cranberries around his head a couple times before jumping out of the ring. Shaman begins to twist and pull like a bull let out of the gate and Mercury would be the cowboy.

Mercury is being wretched back and forth but still holds onto the tree, struggling against the force of Shaman. The tree begins to sway as Mercury is tossed, causing ornaments to fall all over the place. Glass balls of Christmas Joy and Fun fall and shatter in and out of the ring. Small wooden toy ornaments fall and break on fallen wrestlers, and the tail ends of garland come loose off the tree and sway with the force of Shaman.

The Jhub: I wonder if that Indian can levitate those orbs around the ring like he can with those energy balls!

Yale: What are you talking about?

The Jhub: I think it's kinda like that show Dragon Ball Z...

Bryan: Watch out Toad!

In their dialog, Samuelson snuck around the tree and James Bryan's warning is spoken too late. Samuelson grabs a hold of Toad and DDT's him into the mat on top of the broken ornaments. Toad rolls over quickly showing his forehead bleeding with shards of small glass sticking out of it! The crowd gasps and cries out in excitement.

The Jhub: Wow, that must have hurt!

Bryan: That is your guy out there! You're not going to do anything?

The Jhub: He's got this! Hey, do you think I can get a wireless Bluetooth mic or something? Can you make that happen?

Stage crew runs away towards the Video and Audio cart while attention focuses back onto the ring. Shaman is still wrenching back and forth while Mercury struggles to hold on. Samuelson raises Toad up and clotheslines him over the top rope, sending him to the ground on top of Killer Bee and Manalishi. Toad pulls the glass out of his head and points to the blood dripping down his face to The Jhub.

The Jhub: I know! I see! Go show them how hardcore you are!

Toad throws the glass and then runs to the side of the ring and looks under the apron. Meanwhile, Killer Bee gets up and looks around dazed. He looks up, surprised at what is going on with Mercury, but then looks at Toad as he scrambles for weapons. Killer looks to his left and sees Bumble Bee in the ring laying there, still out from the fall. He rushes to her side.

The Jhub: Truly touching, really, but I don't see their relationship lasting. With guys like me and Clyde Fox in GCW, there is far too much competition for Killer to keep her!

Yale: I'll tell you something, I wouldn't mind getting some honey from that...

Bryan: Can we focus on the task at hand?

Yale: Oh, I'm focused!

The Jhub and David Yale fist pound before they look back at the action. Count Von McDonalds is now on the ladder trying to get to a struggling James Varga, but he can't get to the garland from the ladder. He takes a lunge for the tree, but fails to grab a hold of a branch and slides all the way down with a loud bang. Killer Bee looks over at him quickly before trying to revive Bumble.

Samuelson walks up to Shaman, clearly frustrated by his struggling and pulls extremely hard on the cranberry garland, ripping Mercury off the tree and onto the top rope where he bounces off and lands hard on the outside. The crowd �ohhh's� as he hits but they cheer as Killer Bee gets in on the action.

He takes advantage of the estranged Shaman and spears him into the ground from the back. He quickly kicks Samuelson in the gut, bending him over, and DDT's him into the mat, sadly missing the broken ornaments. The crowd goes wild.

Bryan: It looks like Killer Bee just took out Mortifera!

Yale: He just flew in there to take care of business!

The Jhub: Was the pun intended?

The Jhub and Yale laugh as Bryan looks on with disgust and focuses back on the action.

Killer Bee goes for the tree, desperately trying to get up the tree when Shaman grabs a hold of his back and suplexes him back to the mat. He doesn't go down easily, as he struggles to get up from the mat, but Samuelson delivers a boot to the face which stifles his movement. Shaman picks him up and gets him in a powerbomb. With the assistance of Samuelson, they crush him into the mat, shattering some unbroken ornaments under him, laying him out clean.

Bryan: It was a good effort by Killer Bee, but it doesn't look like he will get up after that!

Count Von MacAbre comes from around the corner with the ladder and sneakily maneuvers on the outside, getting behind Shaman and Samuelson. He plants his feet and then tosses the ladder into the ring, catching Mortifera by surprise, sending them to the mat along with the ladder. Count Von MacAbre surveys the damage all around him with surprise, seeing all everyone that is downed. He looks over at the announcer's table and is surprised to see The Jhub sitting there. The Jhub waves at him with an odd smile and the points to the right. Toad, now equipped with a kendo stick, swings into MacAbre's stomach, keeling him over. He bends over and looks up in time to see the kendo stick crushing down onto his head.

The Jhub: Oh it is on now! That is one of his favorites! The ring is going to explode!

Yale: if I were a betting man, I would put all my money on Toad!

Bryan: Yes, he is dangerous with the Kendo Stick, but it isn't a hardcore match, this is a ladder match. He needs to climb that tree and get those belts!

They all look up at the massive tree. In most ladder matches, the wrestlers are able to reach the belts by standing on the top of the ladder, but the tree is huge, and the ladder won't help them here. Even if Samuelson, the biggest guy in GCW were to stand on the top of the ladder, he wouldn't be able to reach the top of the tree! The tree is close to 20ft if not more!

The Jhub: Yeah, I'm no woodsman, believe it or not, so I don't think I will be able to get up there!

Yale: You're not?

The Jhub: No sir...

Toad stands, kendo stick in hand, looking up at Mortifera. Count is crawling away from Taod, struggling to deal with the pain. Killer Bee is crawling away from Mortifera holding onto his back and face, getting close to a siring Bumble Bee. On the ground, Mercury and Manalishi are checking on one another. And with the tree shaking, a very frustrated James Varga is struggling to get loose...still. Everyone is getting ready to get back into this match, and it is all on the verge of blowing up.

An audio guy walks over to the announcing table with a shit eating grin on his face as he hands an earpiece and mic to The Jhub and beings to describe it to him.

The Jhub: I can hear and talk with this?

Bryan: Oh man.

Yale: Are we going to get in ring interviews?

Bryan: Seems that way...

The Jhub puts it into his ear and clears his throat with a big smile. He points to his ear and then walks out towards the ring.

Mortifera waves on Toad, but Toad suddenly becomes distracted as The Schizophrenic Demonoids get to their feet and stare down Toad. The split up and take to two different sides of Toad. Toad twists around his kendo stick and tries to focus on both guys, but then smiles at Manalishi. He gives a confused stare back at him until suddenly The Jhub has him in a full nelson. Moans and groans are now heard in The Jhub's mic as he pulls tighter on Manalishi.

The Jhub: Can you...tell me...Manalishi...how do you...think the....match is...going right now?

Manalishi: Ugh...get...off...of...me....

The Jhub: You didn't answer...my question!

Manalishi: Not...well...at ...all...

The Jhub: I think it's going alright.

The Jhub maneuvers his hands and then choke slams him into the ground. Mercury charges at Toad, narrowly avoiding a hit in the face from the kendo stick, and slides in behind him. He lifts toad up with and German Suplexes him into the ground, throwing the kendo stick towards a retreating Count Von MacAbre.

The Jhub: Uh oh! Someone thinks they can take out Toad and get away with it?

As the Jhub walks closer, Manalishi throws out a foot to trip him up..

The Jhub: Oh shit...

The stumbles right into a waiting swing from Count Von MacAbre! He twists to the side before flying into the barrier. The crowd is heard over his mic and he grunts to get back up and stand, facing MacAbre.

The Jhub: I'm ok, I'm ok! But Cunt, you're mine!

The Jhub runs towards MacAbre but he suddenly disappears as Shaman elbow drops him from the ring apron. Jhub stops suddenly and looks at the massive Indian standing before him.

The Jhub: How!

Bryan: This is getting ridiculous!

Yale: He's just speaking to him in his native language...bahahahaha

The Jhub: Look, Shaman. We need to talk about something. Do you have a minute?

Shaman lunges forward and grabs the Jhub by the throat.

The Jhub: I guess...that's... a no...

Shaman lifts The Jhub up with both hands and goes to choke slam him, but he can't get The Jhub's feet out from under him. He just lifts him up, and then puts him down back on his feet. Shaman attempts at it again, but the Jhub kicks forward and nails Shaman in his small Indian testicals. Shaman groans and falls to the ground.

The Jhub: Don't be so rude next time in an interview and that won't happen!

Bryan: It's a match, not an interview!

The Jhub: You are just jealous!

Samuelson jumps through the air, trying to use the element of surprise, but he grunts a loud, strange sound as he jumps, alerting The Jhub that he is coming. The Jhub takes a comical step to the right and watches Samuelson crash to the ground with a very loud thud.

The Jhub: Well, the Vikings never really perfected flight then, huh?

Yale: Stick to boats and, and, and, and rape! Ahahaha

Bryan: Really? Grow up! This is a Christmas Show!

The Jhub: Vikings don't celebrate Christmas...they are heathens!

The crowd laughs hysterically and the match turns ugly again as the Schizophrenic Demonoids take on Toad once again. This time, Toad is armed with his nunchucks again, and Mercury has the wooden cranberry garland that was wrapped around his neck. He begins to swing it at Toad when Killer Bee comes out of nowhere and pumphandle smashes Mercury to the ground. Toad takes the time to turn around and swing the nunchucks at Manalishi, crashing it down on his head, shattering the candy cane in a million pieces. Manalishi falls limp to the ground and Toad walks over to him and puts the other candy cane in his mouth and pats him on the back of the head.

The Jhub: Very gentlemanly of you Toad!

Yale: There is your Christmas Spirit JB!

Bryan: What was that?

The Jhub: A candy Cane!

Bryan: No, not that!

The Jhub looks in the direction of where Bryan is pointing. The tree stops moving and James Varga creeps around the tree looking mad with pine needles all over him and garland hanging from his foot. He creeps to the ropes and looks around wildly. Count gets to his feet in excitement to see his buddy up...well, down...He looks to his right and sees Bumble Bee next to him rising.

Bryan: I think we know his first victim!

Varga lifts her up and pins her in the corner. She looks genuinely scared as the first thing she really sees after being knocked out is James Varga's face. Personally, I would be terrified, so she is handling herself well. Varga backhands her across the face and her hair goes flying with the jerk of her head. She slowly looks back at him and he smacks her in the other direction. She begins to get teary eyed and he goes in for the finishing blow...a kiss!

The Jhub: Oh my God! I hope his herpes aren't inflamed.

Yale: Oh man, I am completely turned off to her now...

Killer Bee runs towards the ring after him, but Count catches him off guard and nails him in the gut. He bends over as Count holds onto his antennae and begins to punch him repeatedly in the face.

Bryan: Church of the Unholy is really beating down The Hive right now!

Yale: He's still kissing her...

The Jhub: I feel like I'm frozen in place...I can't move...I'm in total shock...I think I'm going to be sick...

Yale: Please...stop..

Bryan: Both of you are like children...

Toad runs over and pushes The Jhub out of the way in his shocked state before a massive arm belonging to the dumb Indian can connect with him. Toad in turn takes the brunt of the damage. The Jhub readjusts himself and waves his hand in the way as if to say he surrenders but Shaman charges after him. The Jhub goes to evade him, but is cornered by the barriers. Shaman lands three huge punches on The Jhub before kneeing him in the gut. He bend over when Shaman takes a step back and lifts The Jhub in the air in a pile driver.

The Jhub: (in air) I think this is going to hurt really, really bad. The Jhub, signing off...

As he finishes his sentence, Shaman slams The Jhub into the ground. The microphone makes a sound before breaking in a couple pieces on the ground. Shaman turns around and sees Samuelson getting up.

Bryan: Well, there goes out other color commentator for the evening.

Yale: Well, he went out in good spirt!

Bryan: Right...

Varga lets go of Bumble Bee who looks dazed. He laughs it off and leans back when she suddenly drives her knee into his groin. She yells out in pain and pushes Varga back who begins to laugh. He knocks on his crotch which seems like he is wearing a cup.

Bryan: Smart thinking!

Yale: She can hit me in the...

Bryan: enough!

Varga wastes no more time and looks over at Count still punching Killer Bee who is now all bloodied up. Varga easily lifts up Bumble Bee and tosses her over the ropes at her partner who takes a final shot by MacAbre before slamming into the ground. Varga waves MacAbre on and they both race up the tree. Shaman looks livid and jumps into the ring. Samuelson, still slightly recovering waves him on and he makes his way to the ring, but rests his arm down on the apron.

Bryan: Look at this! It is a race to the top! And it looks like Church of the Unholy is going to win it!

Yale: But wait! Kenny Mercury is on the other side climbing, and he's further up than they are!

Bryan: I forgot about him! Manalishi was down, but I forgot he was still up!

The three race to the top as the tree sways back and forth with every stride. MacAbre makes it closer to Mercury and begins to take ornaments off of the tree and throw them at Mercury. Ornaments fly off into the crowd as some miss while others shatter against Mercury's head. Varga gets further up, nearly at the top of the tree when the tree shakes violently as Shaman leaps off of the top rope and grabs a hold of the tree!

Bryan: It looks like Shaman finally found a way to get onto the tree without breaking it!

Yale: It looks like the tree is ready to break!

Shaman makes his way slowly up the tree as Varga stretches for the belts, but he is still several feet away. Mercury is now desperately trying to hold his ground as ornaments fly his way. MacAbre sees that its not working out so he pulls on one of the branches hard and snaps it off. He begins to smack Mercury with it as pine needles go all over.

Bryan: This is going to be close. Church of the Unholy against half of Mortifera and half of the Schizophrenic Demonoids!

Yale: Look out Samuelson!

Toad comes in hard with his kendo stick and nails the onlooking Samuelson across the back. He stands up straight in pain but Toad comes down once more with it on his face, seemingly knocking him out cold. Toad tosses the stick to the side and climbs into the ring. He looks up as needles and ornaments fall all around him.

Bryan: This tree started off majestic, and now it is totally destroyed!

Yale: Oh, it's not that bad!

Varga climbs around the tree slightly to get a hold of Mercury, still holding on for dear life. He pulls hard on Mercury, nearly knocking both of them off, but they both catch themselves. Varga signals to MacBre and they both grab onto Mercury's back. Varga counts down from four and then they pull, hard. Mercury loses his grip and falls to the ring, hitting every branch as he falls, slowing him down, but he still slams with a very loud thud. Toad looks at him, only a foot away and smiles. He begins to climb, but can't seem to get his footing.

Bryan: So it seems it is Church of the Unholy to take it!

Yale: Don't count Shaman out!

Shaman is only a few feet from Varga and MacAbre and he is reaching for their feet. The tree is bending terribly to one side as all three of them are pretty much next to one another. Varga slowly tries to go up the tree, but it bends more, further away from the belts.

Bryan: How are they going to get the belts?

Yale: I think that tree has had enough!

Bryan: Pine Trees are very strong, Dave.

Yale: Strong enough to hold them?

Bryan: Well...

Shaman shifts over a little more to get closer and then takes one more lunch and grabs a hold of MacAbre's foot. Suddenly there is a very loud crack and pop and the top five feet of the tree breaks off. The Crowd gasps, making the arena silent.

Bryan: Oh My God!

The top of the tree and all of the ornaments come crashing down right on top of the climbing Toad, knocking him to the mat once again. Varga, MacAbre, and Shaman all fall in different directions. Shaman falls backwards but somehow catches a hold of a branch and doesn't hit the mat, but instead hangs four feet from the mat. Varga falls to the right into the clearing where Mortifera devastated the tree in an attempt to climb. MacAbre fell with the tree, down on top of Toad. Toad and MacAbre can barely be seen on the mat under the top of the tree.

Bryan: How did Shaman keep a hold?

Yale: I don't know, but I don't see how they all survived!

Bryan: Well, I hope that MacAbre and Toad are alright!

Shaman struggles to hold on as he wraps his feet around the base of the tree. He heaves big breaths to stay calm and maintain his position. James Varga begins to stir and he gets to his knees to the cheering of the crowd. The match has taken a turn for the unpredictable, and they are loving it!

Bryan: Now, how do you expect them to get those belts?

The camera focuses on the broken top of the tree. The break was a clean break, looking as if it were cut with precision. The belts hang about five feet or so from the top of the base now. The camera switches over to Shaman who slowly, very slowly begins to climb once more. He still has about 15 feet till he gets the belts. The camera then pans out to reveal James Varga climbing out of the ring and going under the apron.

Bryan: Sadly, James, I don't think a ladder will help you right now!

Yale: What can he be thinking? He's wasting time!

Varga, still looking mad with the pine needles and pieces of branches in his hair, comes out from under the apron with a crazy smile.

Bryan: What could have him so excited?

Yale: OH NO!

Varga quickly jumps into the ring and gets to where all the broken branches are in the clearing and begins to saw at the base of the tree!

Bryan: What is he doing?

Yale: I guess he thinks if he can't have the belts, nobody can!

Bryan: He is insane!

Varga begins to laugh loudly as he uses the handsaw on the tree. Shaman hears the devastating sound and hastens his climb.

TEN FEET TO GO!

Wood chips fly out from the saw as the tree shudders and shakes with the sawing. Varga sawing begins to slightly slow, but is still at a good speed.

EIGHT FEET TO GO!

Bryan: He is going to kill Shaman! Is there anyone to stop him?

Yale: Well, Mortifera will be no more! Does that make it �Tifera�?

SIX FEET TO GO!

Varga begins to grow tired and struggles to keep pace.

Shaman reaches where the tree broke off. He stares up at the belts which are about five feet away. He looks around for a way to get them but comes up with nothing. The tree begins to shake more and more as the blade makes its way through the base of the tree. Varga slows down to a chilling rhythmic pace. The tree slightly cracks at the base, but not enough to cause it to fall.

Bryan: What is he going to do?

Yale: I need popcorn!

Shaman panics at the sound of the crack and hurries up the tree further and gets his feet on the second to last branches and desperately tries to maintain balance as he very slowly raises into the air. The tree sways slightly and he quickly holds onto the tree once more for balance.

Bryan: ALL HE HAS TO DO IS STAND UP!

Yale: COME ON VARGA!

Varga pulls and pushes as hard as he can, struggling to saw faster, but he is totally spent. He pushes one last time when...

*CRACK*

Bryan: SHAMAN!

The tree cracks and begins to fall towards the crowd. Shaman quickly stands up and the tree falls away from him. Shaman latches onto the tree and takes the ride down into the crowd!

Bryan: WATCH OUT!

The crowd runs out of the way as the tree falls towards them. Panicked screams accent the loud cracks and lurches of the tree. The tree finally hits and everything goes silent. Medical crews rush into the crowd for Shaman and others run to the aid of the downed wrestlers whom were all out of the way.

Bryan: OH MY GOD! IS EVERYONE OK? WHERE'S SHAMAN?

Crews give the thumbs up to security that the crowd is ok while others rush over to the top of the tree where Shaman is.

Bryan: Is he...

Yale: I don't even see him...

The crowd is absolutely silent as crews come in with saws and begin to cut the fallen tree in sections to remove it. Varga stands on is tippy toes looking out into the crowd at his aftermath with a slight smile.

Bryan: Anything?

At this point, most of the wrestlers are on their feet or just rising. They all look on to see if there is any progress as crews work all over the arena. Nothing can wait, and more must go on for the night. Even event staff is taking apart the ring to replace everything back to brand new.

Yale: Well, the Indian died in a tree...Who saw that coming?

Bryan: DAVID!

Samuelson rushes the barrier and jumps over to get to the top of the tree. He slows as crews work at the top. He looks on and then falls to his knees. Over his shoulder there is an arm sticking up with two belts in its hand. The crowd roars with celebration! Varga looks up at where the belts once hung and then throws the saw down and stomps out of the ring.

Bryan: HE DID IT!

Yale: Mortifera are champs?

Bryan: HE DID IT!

Shaman rises out from the debris of the tree and slowly walks towards Samuelson. Their music hits over the PA and they unite with the belts held high in the air. Shaman hands one over to Samuelson and they instantly put them on. The crowd pats them on the back as they begin to swarm them.

The ring breaks apart and crews quickly work to clean up the arena. The tree is nearly completely removed and crews work at installing the new ring and cleaning up all the wood chips and broken ornaments faster than a pit crew can change tires. The arena is BUSY!

Bryan: I can't believe that he got it! He's ok! They are Champs!

Yale: Great...

Bryan: Can you at least be happy that he's ok?

Yale: I'm happy that he is, but this is going to be an interesting reign...

Bryan: Yes it is, I am sure Varga is going to come back with a new plan...

Yale: I hope so...

Bryan: We will be right back!

Back to Top

Everything in the hallway is a complete and utter mess. People are running around crazy, Christmas decorations are in piles if not on the walls all over. The world looks like it has turned upside down. It seems that the only one not in the Christmas spirit…Kris Michaels.

Kris makes his way down the hall with a scowl on his face that can melt Frosty the Snowman. He marches down towards the locker rooms when someone crosses his path.

Ngozi: Hey, hey Kris is it?

Kris looks to his right and grimaces before quickening his pace.

Ngozi: Kris, right?

Daria Ngozi catches up to Kris and keeps pace.

Michaels: I’m not interested!

Ngozi: Interested? You don’t have to be interested to…

Michaels: Look, I don’t have time to…

Ngozi: Why not? It will only take a second!

Michaels: Honey, I take a lot longer than a second!

Bryan: Whoa! Michaels has his head in the gutter!

Yale: Actually, I like where his head’s at. Sometimes you need to mix business with pleasure!

Bryan: Grow up!

Kris quickens his stride and turns the corner, running into a midget dressed up as an elf. Candy Canes and red and green M&M’s go all over the hall, nearly causing the two wrestlers to slip to the ground. Kris catches himself and sends bullets in the direction of the elf. He marches down the hall, crushing every piece of festive candy on the ground out of frustration. Ngozi catches up and keeps pace once again.

Bryan: wow, someone hates Christmas!

Ngozi: Kris, I think you got me all wrong!

Kris takes out his wallet and delivers a $100 bill in the direction of Ngozi, stopping her in her tracks. She looks confused at the money at first, but then looks at Kris and smiles.

Michaels: What, is this too much? How much are your prices? Look, I just want you out of my hair, leave me be.

Yale: Ahahaha

Ngozi: Kris, I’m not a hooker! I’m just looking for the action figure! I wanted to know if you knew where it was! it is the Markus ‘The Molester’ Stone: Creepy Christmas Edition Action Figure! Do you know where it is? Is that where you are hurrying off to?

Ngozi’s eyes widen up at the tail end of the question. Kris stares at her with disbelief and then opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He pauses once more and then looks up at Daria.

Michaels: You want to molest me?

Ngozi’s eyes drop and she looks madly disappointed.

Ngozi: Really? I said all that and all you heard was molest? Wow, typical guy. Get out of my way before I put you on the ground.

She storms away from Kris, still holding out the $100 bill. He looks truly perplexed.

Michaels: Err, you want to get a room?

Ngozi storms out of the hall and out of site. Michaels looks around and then puts the money back into his pocket.

Michaels: Shit, maybe this Christmas isn’t going to be so bad after all…Now why would she be looking for an action figure?

Back to Top

Strutting down the halls still clad in the bitty green Santa’s Helper uniform she wore earlier in the evening, Tessa Windsor marches down the halls backstage filled with plenty of intent.

Yale: You don’t Tessa is on the hunt for that limited edition Markus Stone action figure as well, do you?

Bryan: If she is, it’s likely only to destroy it.

Yale: Because she knows she can’t take on the real deal.

Bryan: I doubt that.

Whether or not that is the case, Tessa attention diverts to Andy Claus grotto, which to the pint sized diva was something far more interesting than the creepy figure everyone else so desired. Curiosity overtook Tessa and led her to sneak a glance inside.

Windsor: Glad to see someone else that is not incredibly creepy getting into the holiday spirit.

Somewhat caught off-guard by the contrast in aesthetics between Tessa and his previous female visitor, Dan Black's Mother, Andy struggles for words.

Murray: Holy Moses, Tess. Where did you come from?

He composes himself. Standing up, smiling, The King steps forward.
Murray: You come to help us out here? Love the outfit. Santa's already got one ridiculously attractive little helper, but there's always room for one more. I mean, with you two lovely ladies here, I coul--...

Feeling Valentine's icey glare fall upon him, Andy stops himself.

Murray: Oops.

Valentine: Oops, is right.

Vivica chirps in from beside him, woman look of scorn in full effect.

Valentine: Keep it up and your "two lovely ladies" might be the sheep in here.

Tessa quickly dives in for the save.

Windsor: I’m sure he didn’t mean it.


Valentine seems slightly unconvinced so Tessa wisely dives into another subject.

Windsor: I’m just stopping by to see if things played out better in here than a bunch of discounted action figures of people who have not been here in ages, and a random Dan Black one that I’ve got no clue what to do with.

Murray: DAN BLACK?!

As has been the case recently, Andy Murray suddenly snaps into an almost animalistic state at the mention of Big D's name.

Murray: Where?! WHERE IS HE?!

Tessa stares back at Andy Murray and blinks blankly, like a deer in headlights as Vivica jumps out in front of the Scottish King Of Cool.

Valentine: She didn't mean to say Dan Black, Andy! She didn't mean it.

Murray: BIG D!

Screaming out his name, Murray shook his fist into the air before stepping around Valentine and charging straight towards the Teeny Tiny Terror. In a state of shock Tessa drops the bag on the ground and jumps away from it as Andy pounces on it like a lion going for the kill. Rummaging through the bag, it doesn't take him long to acquire the source of his sudden rampage as he pulls the action figure from the bag... staring down at The Bulldozer's stoic, plastic expression.

Murray: So, Hershel, we meet again!

Andy Claus scowls.

Murray: I know what you're thinking - "hey, this guy's dressed as Santa, there's no way he's gonna be nasty to me, right?". WRONG!

Suddenly Murray launches the figure across the room. It bounces off the wall and falls back to the floor, before it's squashed not once, not twice, but thrice beneath Andy's boot. Murray reaches down and picks the broken figure up. One of it's legs falls to the floor, and before it's arms are twisted beyond repair. Additionally, the ink from Mini Black's facial features seems to have been completely eradicated.

Murray: HA! Not looking so pleased with yourself now, are you motherfucker?

Valentine: Oh boy...

Vivica looks over at Tessa Windsor, who is standing over in the corner inbetween two sheep dressed up as reindeer in fear.

Valentine: Well that was... entertaining. Don't you think Tess?

Tessa nods her head ever so slightly.

Windsor: Quite, if I do say so myself.

Having to make a deliberate effort to control his breathing, Murray lets the broken figure slip between his figures and drop to the floor.

Murray: Heh. Sorry about that, I just get a little carried away whenever that guy's name gets mentioned. It's like a trigger.

Valentine: But you didn't do anything earlier when his Mom--

Murray: QUIET, YOU!

Vivica raises her hands defensively.

Murray: Sorry, Tess. I didn't ruin your collection, did I?

Windsor waves it off as if it’s nothing.

Windsor: You’re doing me a favor.

She kicks what remains of the sack in his direction.

Windsor: Really, you can keep them all.

Interested Vivica walks over towards the sack and opens it up, waving her way through the heap of has-beens and never-was action figures that she's managed to collect.

Valentine: Is that a Peter Vetra action figure?

Murray: WHAT?! PETER VETRA?!

Murray's eyes glow with rage like the Incredible Hulk as Valentine quickly pulls the drawstring on the sack closingValentine: You don't even know who that is do you?

Murray: Not a clue.

Andy quickly returned to normal like nothing happened as soon as she took the sack away.

Valentine: Sam Wolack?

Murray: Nope.

Valentine: Katie O'Clare?

Murray: Definitely not.

Valentine: Oookay, that sure makes me feel old...

Vivica motions for Tessa to open the closet before she tosses the sack of action figures inside.

Murray: Well Tess, I'm quite glad you stopped by, actually. This Santa outfit isn't just for show, y'know.

He turns to Valentine.

Murray: ELFGIRL! Get Tessa's gift, will you?

Vivica eyes Murray once again before rolling her eyes, realizing no matter how many times she tells him to stop calling her that it's never going to sink through to him.

Valentine: Tessa... Tessa... GOT IT.

Pulling out a box wrapped in Andy Claus wrapping paper, Vivica wears a smile on her face as she hands it over to her good friend Tessa Windsor who seems perplexed but somewhat excited about receiving a gift.

Murray: I put a lot of thought into this one.

Windsor unwraps the gift tediously slow, as only a woman would. She beams with exaggerated excitement as she raises the gift high enough for all to see.

Windsor: A whole new shirt? That’s so sweet!

Murray: Well seeing as the person who made your poser image is a massive pervertyou only seem to have half a shirt these days, I figured it was a logical choice. It's pretty damn cold this time of year, y'know? I do know a few people who'll be a bit disappointed to see you dressing more conversatively, though...

Valentine: ... and you're not one of those people, are you?!

The King turns, biting his knuckles.

Murray: SHIT. Okay Andy, just stop talking now.

Tessa chuckles, adding in pretty much the same thought.

Windsor: You seriously might want to stop while you’re ahead.

Andy Claus says nothing, just raises two fingers two his lips and makes a zipping motion.

Valentine: Well, I suppose it's the thought that counts... right?

Vivica answers with a smile after shaking her head in disappointment at The Scottish King Of Cool.

Tessa head shakes up and down in agreement a she heads to the door before Murray can stick his foot any further down his mouth.

Windsor: Exactly. It the thought that counts. Anyways, I’ll catch you guys later, Merry Christmas.

Valentine: Merry Christmas!

The Fearless Phenom keeps the smile on her face until Tessa leaves the room, and as soon as she does Andy Claus begins to get comfortable. Maybe a little too comfortable...

SLAP!

Murray: OW! What in the hell was that for?!

Valentine: That was for spending the entire time gawking and flirting with Tess!
Tag.
andyfnmurray 1:35 am
Murray: Oh come on! Didn't you see that outfit?

Again, Murray has to stop himself.

Murray: Ugh. I'm sorry, V. I didn't mean it. Why would I go out of my way to flirt with Tessa when I've got the prettiest girl in this hemisphere standing by me?

Valentine: The sheep?

Vivica pointed at the reinsheep in the corner with a smile on her face.

Valentine: But really, who is in the other hemisphere?

Murray: Dan Black's mom.

Silence.

Valentine: Ummmm, she's in the same hemisphere.

Murray: Actually, she's in both. Get it? It's because she's fat.

Valentine: You're impossible.

Murray: Yes. Yes I am.

Back to Top

Bryan: Well, fans, it's time to reveal the next set of awards winners for 2009! Let's see who else will be honored!

2009 GCW Awards Winners

Show of the Year:
Rampage
Warpath
Dangerous Games



Most Improved Wrestler:
Shaman
Bryan Mayhem
Dan Black
Axel Action
James Varga



2010 Rising Star Award:
Axel Action
Dan Black
Cheap Labor
Kris Michaels
SurReal



Rivalry of the Year:
Andy Murray vs. LeStatt Knight
Clyde Fox vs. Garbage Bag Johnny
Vivica J. Valentine vs. Digital Mortality
Andy Murray vs. Chris Bagwell



Tag Team of the Year:
Mortifera
Banned & Exiled~!
Schizophrenic Demonoids
Church of the Unholy
System-X



Bryan: There you have it! And that's a great haul for the man that's unanimously the hottest rising star in GCW, Axel Action!

Yale: I'll give him credit, JB, Axel's on his way up! He headlined WorldWide recently against Jay Terror, he's definitely turning heads. Two awards well earned.

Bryan: Absolutely, but that's an impressive list of rising stars there, fans. Watch out for all of them.

Yale: No doubt, JB. Any one of those guys could have won it, and we're told that we had a four-way tie for second place in that category!

Bryan: What else do you see there, Dave?

Yale: No surprise with the Murray/Knight feud taking home the Rivalry award, that was one of the biggest showdowns in GCW history. Dangerous Games is always the biggest crowd-pleaser of the year. And kudos to Shaman and Jorge Samuelsson for winning the Tag Team award!

Bryan: Mortifera has certainly had a big night, winning the award for best Tag Team of 2009 the same night they win the GCW Tag Team Titles! But I have a feeling the Church of the Unholy won't go quietly into the night on that one. Let's move on with Christmas Chaos, the big awards are still to come!

Back to Top

Bryan: Wow, this place is really festive, isn’t it?

Yale: Well, I guess it should be, don’t you think? It pretty much goes with the name, you know, Christmas!

Bryan: Yeah, I mean, but even backstage! Fake snow and everything! Look! It’s coming out of that room!

The camera pans over to what looks like a bathroom door and Clyde Fox is seen in the doorway scratching at his head. He screams and slams the door.

Yale: Wow, nobody eat the snow…

Bryan: Yeah, really!

The camera goes down the hallway even further and nearly runs into Kris Michaels. He is obviously looking for something or someone as he opens every door and looks under everything with a cover. He then looks up into the camera.

Michaels: You haven’t seen that damn action figure have you?

The camera shakes back and forth as to say no and Michaels continues to go down the halls and opens doors before he goes into one labeled “laundry”.

Bryan: Wow, after seeing him earlier, I never expected him to actually search for this thing!

Yale: I guess he figures he has as good of a shot as any!

The camera hurries in the room after Michaels and pans the room to get a full view. Michaels abruptly stops as he is faced with an angry little elf that he knocked over earlier, covered in melted chocolate and crushed candy canes.

Michaels: Oh bugger…

The elf looks like something out of Lord of the Rings instead of the North Pole. His tiny little hat is seen tossing in the dryer next to him, which he can barely reach.

Yale: Oh man, here comes Michaels’ hardest feet yet… fighting a midget!

Bryan: I think its proper to call them little people.

Yale: Whatever. Let’s get it on!

Michaels quickly goes for the door, but three more elves, all with the same crazed expression comes into the room and closes the door behind them.

Yale: $10 on Michaels

Bryan: I don’t know, this is going to be a tough one to call!

Michaels quickly looks at the hatless elf and goes for a quick juke, but three more elves enter in the other door and close it behind them. Seven elves to one man, with a poor camera man stuck in the middle. The odds don’t look good, but Michaels takes a deep breath and adjusts his feet in a combative stance and backs up towards the camera man; the only free corner.

Michaels: Look, I’m sorry for crushing your elf candy, but I was just trying to get through the hall! That’s all! Please don’t bite my ankles!

Michaels shrieks as the crazed elves jump at him and he kicks on so hard, it flies into the wall and is knocked out cold. The rest of the elves stare at him in awe. They scream and charge once more as Kris takes flight and jumps over the small speed bump pile of elves and falls through the closed door, breaking it into a million pieces.

Yale: Well, he does his own stunts…

Kris leaves the camera man to fend for himself and darts down the hall where another camera picks him up. Kris charges at the camera with a panicked look on his face. The camera begins to run backwards but can’t keep pace as about six elves get to the hallway and charge their way towards the grown men at half their speed. Michaels screeches and stops. The camera catches up by turning around as about a dozen angry little elves come at them from around the closest corner.

Bryan: Wow, how many little people does GCW have employed for this PPV?

Yale: Thirty-Two.

Bryan: How the hell do you know that?

Yale: I love midgets! I checked the staff list for celebrity names to see if I was getting an early Christmas present by Caldera, and then there it was, thirty-two midgets!

Bryan: Wow…that’s a lot of little people…

Michaels gets in a defensive stance as the twenty or so elves close in on their location. He holds out for just another moment and then attacks. He hip tosses one of the elves into the group and then drop kicks an elf standing on the shoulders of another elf. Pandemonium breaks out as Michaels drops one elf after another. For a moment, Michaels is dazed as two elves open up pixy sticks and throw the powder in his face. Happily, the elves are too short to reach his eyes, so only a little bit makes it.

Bryan: Wow, little people fight dirty!

Yale: Ever see Austin Powers?

Bryan: Noted…

Michaels jumps up onto a crate on the side of the hall and waits a half second before jumping at a lunging elf and lands a guillotine!

Bryan: THE EXECUTIONER!

Yale: Take no prisoners!

Bryan: Should we get a ref?

The elf taps and Michaels finds himself overwhelmed by elves. He begins to stand up under the extreme weight and begins to toss elves left and right. They have no way of withstanding his might and break off. Michaels jumps up to his feet and runs for it!

Yale: I think that can go down in the books as a victory for Michaels!

Bryan: I guess. Wow, what a fight!

Yale: I think this proves that Michaels is ready for the Main Event!

Bryan: I wouldn’t push it too far!

Michaels turns the corner while screaming and his scream eventually fades to nothing.

Back to Top

Backstage, Varga is continuing to look for the Markus Stone action figure when those damn ferrets suddenly jump out of nowhere at him again! He pushes them off and then runs away with the ferrets chasing after him. These ferrets have been bugging him all night and now he has a plan. Running past the gorilla position, he then heads out through the entrance! The crowd roars with laughter.

Varga leads the ferrets past the staging area and toward the technical area. At this point the Count drops a net on them! However, as this happens, Varga’s hands touch the technical area and some pyrotechnics go off. Startled for a moment, he looks over at the staging area. He then peers over at the net.

Bryan: Oh no. He’s not thinking what I think he’s thinking. Is he?

Yale: What do you think he’s thinking?

Varga laughs deviously as he goes over and ties up the net so that the ferrets can’t escape. After this, he high fives the Count who heads backstage once again. Varga then smirks deviously as he walks back over to the technical controls. He looks over at the stage and then presses one of the buttons as the controller yells at him. He then looks over at the stage to see where the pyrotechnics went off at.

He then presses a second button and watches where the pyrotechnics go off at. He then looks over at the bag before quickly looking back at the stage and finally looking back at the pyrotechnics controls.

Bryan: He is! C’mon Varga. Jokes’s over.

Yale: Joke’s on those dirty little weasels looks like.

Smiling evilly, he goes over and starts dragging the net full of ferrets up the steps and onto the stage as women and children are screaming at him not to do it. He then places the ferrets in the net right over where the second pyrotechnical display went off from. The crowd continues to scream as he goes back over to the controls. He looks at the controller, who is waving his hands franticly, pleading with him not to do it, and pushes the man down to the boos of the crowd.

Bryan: C’mon! Don’t do this! Not in front of the kids on the damn Christmas show!

Yale: Do it! Do it! Joy to the world!

He raises a finger and puts it over one of the buttons. He looks over at the net of ferrets and then back down at the button before pressing it… but nothing happens! Varga is pissed! He starts pressing all of the buttons but nothing happens. The crowd starts to cheer as Varga gets more and more furious.

Slowly from the shadows steps a small woman with jet black hair, streaked with red, outfitted in a sparkling red crushed velvet bodysuit with fluffy white trim a la Santa's helper. She grins and waves to the crowd with one hand while dangling an electrical cord and plug from the other.

Bryan: Is that...?

Yale: No!

Bryan: Yes!

Both: TEMPEST!

Varga finally catches on to all the cheering and pointing and wheels around to see the woman who has unplugged the whole thing and is undoubtedly responsible for this rodent rampage. He swings for the fences but not before Tempest blows a handful of sparkly pink powder into his eyes, blinding him and sending him staggering.

Yale: What the hell?! That was hardly fair!

Bryan: She’s saving the ferrets! Who cares about fair.

Yale: And what was that? Pixie dust?

Bryan: It was effective, whatever it was. Varga’s down and Tempest’s opening up the net.

Indeed, Tempest leaps lightly over the fallen Varga, who makes a grab for her, but misses as his eyes are stinging with pink powdery goodness. She unties the end of the net and the hoard of ferrets bounds forth and streams over Varga once again. He screams and finds his feet with sudden inspiration, fleeing and trying desperately to peel the “vermin” from himself.

Yale: See, now that is just no way for some rookie to treat a valued member of this league. I just might file a complaint if Varga doesn’t!

Bryan: Uh huh, good luck getting past all the folks filing animal cruelty complaints. And the crowd’s glad to see the onetime OSW star here in GCW, that’s for sure!

Tempest giggles and waves good-bye as Varga runs off, to the crowd’s cheers. She catches a mic tossed from a nearby stagehand, waving and hopping as she trots further down the ramp to meet the GCW universe.

Tempest: Hello and Merry Chaos to you all! Well, you all asked for Chaos and Santa heard you loud and clear! He sent me! I am chaos, and as I've been showing you, baby I'm the gift that keeps on giving.

The crowd roars its approval as Tempest pulls out a lollipop, suspiciously similar to the ones that have been smacking into the back of heads lately, and pops it in her mouth with a grin that oozes mischief.

Bryan: Oh! So that's where those things have been coming from.

Yale: That is so wrong.

Bryan: But so very right.

Tempest: Mr. Varga is just the first in a long line of Scrooges and Grinches who this little Ghost of Christmas Past is about to show the error of their ways. I’m here to do what I do best and that’s keep fun and fabulosity alive and well in a business where everyone is the biggest and baddest and I am none of the above!

The crowd roars with laughter as Tempest sweeps her arms wide in a “ta-da!” sort of motion.

Yale: Got that right.

Bryan: Oh shut it. Tempest has a very distinguished record.

Yale: For what? One liners? Pole dancing? She’s a doll! She’s smaller than any other woman here.

Bryan: And hasn’t let it slow her down.

Tempest: But I am the fun that you’ve been missing and the competition never quite knows what to do about. So let it be known that GCW’s future just got a little brighter!

Yale: Aww, how sweet…

Bryan: It WAS. And that’s FINE. Sheesh.

Back to Top

Dan and his lawyer Dave are both in his locker room getting massaged by two women. Obviously enjoying the experience, Black reaches out and lazily rings a bell that is lying next to him.

Black: Servant boy! Get over here with the beer!

AXEL: Go screw yourself, Black.

It was obvious that AXEL wasn't too pleased with being treated the way he was. Though he was contractually bound, he was still refusing to do what was asked of him.

Black chuckles, apparently unconcerned by Axel’s refusal.

Black: Would you explain it to him Dave?

Dave: Axel, let me explain something. I am a Jewish Lawyer. You signed a contract that puts you under the power of my client, one that you’re refusing to follow. That means I can make you’re live a living hell. So be a good boy and do as Black says or I’ll see to it that every one of your financial assets is used for my client’s next summer home.

AXEL narrows his eyes, glaring angrily at the two. He wasn't happy about any of this, and it was showing.

AXEL: You can't do that. You won't do it.

Black: He can and he will. Think about it moron, I put my title on the line in order to make you my servant. If you’re not gonna do as I say, what reason do I have not to put you in the poor house?

David: I can get the procedures started right now.

David whips out his cellphone and begins to dial a number.

Axel: Fine. What do you want me to do again?

Black: To begin with, get us two beers and rub Dave's feet a bit. Poor guy actually got on the treadmill for the first time in years and no matter how much we offer the masseuse isn't gonna touch those!

David raises his feet and wiggles his toes

AXEL: Ugh.

He gags as he catches sight of those nasty feet, blinking as he puts on a pair of latex gloves. Bringing the beers over, he reluctantly kneels and begins to rub David's feet.

David hums happily as Axel massages his feet.

David: Oh yea, right there…

Black: Dave…you’re enjoying that a bit too much dude...

Black shakes his head and then visibly dismisses what’s going on.

Black: Oh and when you’re done with that, go win that American Dream Scavenger hunt.

AXEL: Win the American Dream scavenger hunt? That's simple. Why are you so worried about it?

Black lazily sips on his beer and motions for his lawyer to explain.

David: Winners of the American Dream have a tendency to attack at the most inopportune times, so I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t make sure to guard against that. There’s no way Caldera would let Black keep the American Dream shot if he was to find it, bad for ratings. But if you got, you can’t use it anyway, we would use the contract to keep you from cashing it in. And in the unlikely event that Dan ever does lose his title, well you’re his ticket for getting it right back. Now be a good little bitch and go find it will you?

AXEL: We'll see about that, Jewbags. I'll find that American Dream title shot, but you'll never get your hands on it. I'll see to that.

Dave looks at Black clearly exasperated.

Dave: Is he really gonna make me explain that I can make him piss poor in a minute again?

Black: Just go Axel. Oh, and when you’re done make sure to mail the presents to my nephews. And if you don’t, I really will have Dave sue you out of everything you have.

Black waves Axel away.

AXEL doesn't say another word and simply leaves the room, beginning his search for the American Dream.

Back to Top

From somewhere behind him, Jay hears a voice, not the accustomed voice of Boris Karloff, but a soft feminine voice, singing in a lilting soprano that familiar Christmas tune we have all come to associate with the Grinch…

Voice: You’re a mean one, Mr. Jay. You really are a heeeeeel.

Terror saunters toward the direction he thinks the voice is coming from, but it stops and when he peers around the corner, no one is there. He scratches his head a moment and then the song resumes somewhere behind him!

Voice: You’re as cuddly as a cactus. You’re as charming as an eel, Mr. Jaaaaay!

You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peeeeeel.

Looking furious, Jay stalks off the other way, but his feet come out from under him as indeed, he has found and slipped on a greasy black banana peel. And as he lies there on his back, the voice goes on sweetly.

Voice: You’re a monster, Mr. Jay, your heart’s an empty hole.

Jay struggles to his feet, cursing up a storm as the voice lilts along, having changed direction once again.

Voice: Your brain is full of spiders, you’ve got garlic in your soul, Mr. Jaaaa-aaay.

He creeps carefully in the new direction.

Voice: I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty nine and a half foot poooole.

As he does a pole comes in off screen behind him and jabs Terror hard in the small of the back.

Voice: You’re a vile one, Mr. Grinch, You have termites in your smile.

The sing song voice continues as if nothing has happened, but Terror is beside himself as he follows the now fallen pole to its end at a door and yanks on the locked doorknob.

Voice: You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Jaaaay.

He bangs on the door and starts kicking it, even though the voice is perceptibly coming from somewhere behind him now.

Voice: Given the choice between the two of you, I’d take the seasick crocodiiiiile.

Suddenly he seems to realize the voice is coming from elsewhere. He wheels around, eyes narrowing.

Voice: You’re a foul one, Mr. Jay. You’re a nasty wasty skunk.

Slowly, he looks up.

Voice: Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Jay.

Slowly, he creeps along, keeping a watchful eye.

Voice: The three words that best describe you are as follows and I quote: stink… stank… stunk!

As the voice stops, Jay stops in his tracks, and suddenly a little pink ball comes flying in and hits him in the back of the head. He picks it up and finds a large sparkling pink lollipop in an iridescent cellophane wrapper.

Jay Terror: God damnit, I swear!

He looks around and picks up the lollipop. The noise is dead.

Jay Terror: When I find you!

All of a sudden another lolli drops on his head and he looks up throwing the first one in disgust. He shakes his head with disdain an stomps off with the slight sound of laughter coming from the ceiling tiles.

Bryan: Not many people get under Jay's skin to the point of inaudibility but I believe the person in the ceiling just did it!

Yale: You'd act the same if there were pink lollipops hitting you in the head let alone someone singing to you like that. If Jay finds out who it is then they're rightfully dead!

Bryan: That could be very true. He doesn't take lightly to pranks.

Yale: And neither does Steven Caldera.

Back to Top

Bryan: Okay, everyone, it's time for our next match... and we've just been informed what it is, and it's a big one.

Yale: Very big! This is a direct response to what happened last week on WorldWide, and this one might very well destroy the whole building! I'm not sure I feel safe here at ringside, JB...

A monstrous reaction booms into the arena as "Puritania" cues up. The arena is plunged into darkness as the lights go out, and the stage begins to glow blood red. After a hellish moment, the massive form of Bryan Mayhem stalks out to the stage. His dreadlocks dripping with some unmentionable liquid, Mayhem stomps down the ramp on his way to the ring, his black eyes narrowed with focus.

Andrews: The following contest is a Christmas Present of Doom match! In this match, participants may open boxes placed in the four corners of the ring, and use the contents as weapons! Introducing first, from Belmont, England, weighing in at 348 pounds... BRYAN MAYHEM!

Bryan: Here he comes, the former GCW World Champion who many believe is better than ever! But he's been in a sort of limbo since his return, Dave, complicated further by the arrival of his brother.

Yale: Yes, Jason and Bryan O'Neil have certainly had their ups and downs, but when O'Neil took out his brother to protect Jay Terror on WorldWide, things got even more clouded. I have no idea what to expect from this confrontation!

Bryan: Which should tell you right away who his opponent for this match will be...

Mayhem reaches the ring and effortlessly steps over the top rope. But before he can continue his prematch ritual, the lights go up and his music cuts out. Bewildered, Mayhem turns to the stage and sees his brother walking down the ramp. No music, no fanfare. Just Jason O'Neil walking to the ring with a giftwrapped package in his arms.

Bryan: Hang on, what's this now? Jason O'Neil is on his way to the ring, but he doesn't look like he's come to fight.

Yale: He's bringing his brother a present, JB... I think he's going to try to buy his way out of this fight! He wants no part of his older brother!

Bryan: I don't think fear has a damn thing to do with it, Dave, but it's pretty clear that Jason O'Neil isn't coming out here for a match.

O'Neil, clad in jeans and a t-shirt, climbs into the ring with the package under his left arm. With a dismissive wave he urges Mayhem to stand down, and the big man slowly gives him room. O'Neil takes the microphone from Joey Andrews and looks up at his brother.

O'Neil: Calm down, Bryan. I know you came here to fight, and we can certainly do that if you want. Wouldn't be the first time, won't be the last. But before you try to kill me, give me a chance to talk to you first.

Mayhem, gritting his teeth, continues to back away and stops in the corner.

O'Neil: Good. Now, I know you're angry about what happened at WorldWide. I know you want to get back at me for costing you that match. But I warned you, and I know you heard me. I told you that there's something bigger at stake here, something even bigger than you and me. And I need you to understand what that is.

The crowd grows quiet as even Mayhem seems genuinely interested.

O'Neil: You know what I'm trying to do. You know why I'm here. And you know I'm going to destroy Caldera's surrogate son at NC-17.

The crowd suddenly roars, a show of support for O'Neil's current goal, at least.

O'Neil: Now I'll fight you if you want. But take a look at this before you try anything.

O'Neil sets the gift down on the mat in the center of the ring and backs away. Mayhem hesitates, unsure of O'Neil's intentions. He finally steps forward and kneels on the mat, slowly opening the box, never taking his eyes off his brother.

Yale: Oh God, I don't even want to think of what's in that box. Gwyeneth Paltrow's head, perhaps?

Bryan: Honestly, it would not shock me.

Mayhem discards the wrapping paper and opens the top of the box. He stops cold, a look of confusion slowly lifting into a look of surprise. Mayhem reaches down and lifts a piece of gray brick from inside the box, holding it in the air and regarding it with awe.

O'Neil: You know what that is, don't you? That's a piece of the original foundation of Belmont Castle. Your home, Bryan. Our home. It collapsed when we collapsed. Now I'm here to do the same thing to another castle. Steven Caldera's castle. I brought you that brick so that you could remember what it felt like to have that taken away from you. Now think about how good it would feel to take that away from HIM.

The crowd begins to buzz as Mayhem swallows hard, his lips twitching in sadistic hunger.

O'Neil: Go ahead, attack me if you want. But I'm not your enemy, Bryan. You were once a World Champion in this company. Now they've reduced you to wrestling in a ring full of Christmas presents?

O'Neil spits on the mat in hate.

O'Neil: No more. We're not going to play by his rules any more. We're not going to let a man like Jay Terror take over this company. I have a job for you, Bryan. Something only you can do. Join me, help me, and together the O'Neils can do what they were born to do.

The crowd rumbles as Mayhem remains silent for a long moment. His eyes fall back to the small fragment of Belmont in his hands, and suddenly they seem to flash red. With a sneer, Mayhem steps forward and extends his hand to his brother. The brothers shake, and then turn to exit the ring.

Bryan: WHOA! The Agents of Oblivion just made it official here at Christmas Chaos! The O'Neil brothers are back in tandem!

Yale: God, what does this mean for GCW?! And how on earth are these people cheering this? Don't they remember what these two men have done to this company?

Bryan: It's not GCW they're after, Dave, it's Caldera! And something tells me the boss might just be in for a major, major problem!

Yale: So what, we're not going to get to see a Christmas Present of Doom match?! What a gyp!

Bryan: I guess not! But at this moment, I think the best thing we can all do is give Jason O'Neil a round of applause and just appreciate that he's back home with GCW.

Yale: Amen to that, JB. But what is this job O'Neil has for Mayhem?

Bryan: I shudder to think, but Mayhem's definitely lacked purpose lately. If this man is driven to a goal, there's no telling the kind of chaos he could inflict upon this company. I suppose we'll just have to sit back and wait.

Back to Top

Backstage, Varga is looking for Tempest. As he wanders past several GCW wrestlers who are looking for the Markus Stone action figure, he sees a trail of lollipops. Immediately thinking that these are clues that will lead him to Tempest, he follows them to a door with sparkles all over it.

He then looks around and sees a sledgehammer. Sneaking over toward it, he picks up the sledgehammer and goes over to open the door. Just as he opens it, sparkles come flying out and cover his entire body! Sparkles and marbles with pretty pink stars inside them.

Varga slips on the floor as Tempest leaps lightly through the minefield of marbles and heads down the hallway. The Count runs over to help but he slips and then slides into a pile of boxes. Varga gets up and looks pissed as Tempest leaves him with some words of wisdom.

Tempest: It must be so sad James… Being big and bad and accomplished and rich and powerful and influential and all it takes to bring that crashing down is a few toys and a little pixie dust, maybe a furry friend here and there. It’s the little things that get you in the end. And well, I am a little thing, aren’t I?

Tempest giggles and turns to walk away with a few ferrets in tow.

Varga looks even more angry as she heads off as he brushes the sparkles off his clothes. This war was not over yet. He might have to find some Cheap Labor to deal with this problem.

Back to Top

At an unknown location, in a not too distant universe...

Fox: Wellllllllllllllcome back from commercial break everybody ya! This is your continuing coverage of my super duper holiday special! Only four contestants remain. Which one will bring home the big prize? Well we hope to narrow the field down in round two!

Yale: I hope this round is better than the last because I was rather disappointed.

Clyde speaks into his sparkly microphone as Shaman, LeStatt Knight, AXEL Action, and Zoey stand four across in the background of the dark warehouse.

Fox: We are here at an undisclosed location for the second of three rounds. This round is called ‘What’s In The Box?’ Basically each guy will stick his digits in a box and try and guess what’s in it. If he’s wrong, he’s eliminated! And for the purposes of super magnetic concentration, we thought it’d be better to cut out all the crowd noise.

Yale: So he decides to hold it in some creepy old warehouse? What is this? Fear Factor?

The competitors watch as the pudgy one, Dexter, waddles his way into view, pushing a cart with a huge yellow box on it. The box has two armholes cut on top of it.

Fox: We drew stick men backstage and AXEL is first to go! Oh, bee tee double you, if you answer correctly, you get a fuzzy gumdrop sticker on your cheek!

Yale: I’m sure that’s even more motivation for guys like Shaman to get it right.

AXEL steps up. He ties a blindfold around his eyes and lets Clyde guide his arms into the box.

Fox: The description reads; I’m soft and squishy. I’m kind of filmy but not really. If you squeeze your hands hard enough, you'll turn me into mush. What am I?

AXEL’s lips squirm a bit as his hands plunk into the soft matter.

Action: Ummmmmm... Nickelodeon Gak?

Clyde stands there, almost letting the microphone drop from his hands. He then rips AXEL’s blindfold off and pulls his hands out from the gak.

Fox: How did you guess huh? I thought no one woulda got it. Here’s your damn gumdrop sticker. Now get back in line!

Yale: Is Clyde actually... upset?

Bryan: Turns out Clyde’s not the only gak expert in town.

Even though Clyde’s resentment is clear, he still puts a gumdrop sticker nicely on AXEL’s cheek. Action kind of shrugs his shoulder at the whole gumdrop sticker thing but he pretty much keeps it to himself.

Fox: You’re onto the final round AXXIE. Up next, Shaman.

Shaman walks up as Dexter pushes in another box on a cart. Clyde applies the blindfold as Shaman shoves his huge guns into the box.

Fox: The description reads; I’m furry and sticky. I feel like cotton but have an unusually liquid-like base. What am I?

Shaman: That’s easy. What’s left of my opponent when I beat them with a baseball bat, while singing deck the halls!

Fox’s eyes widen in pure fear.

Fox: Dear golly gosh... there’s no way you could be wrong!

Clyde whispers to Dexter to hurry up and get Shaman’s hands out of the box of cotton candy before he starts destroying things. Clyde then takes his blindfold off and plants a gumdrop sticker on Shaman’s cheek.

Fox: Tee hee. You get a gumdrop sticker! It’s sparkly! And it looks good on yoooou too!

If looks could kill, Shaman would be dicing Clyde up into a mince-fox sandwich. He grins and bares it though as Shaman has secured a spot in the final round.

Fox: Otay, up next is Kal El!

Knight and Shaman quickly change positions. Knight snatches the blindfold from Clyde and puts it on himself just as Dexter carts in the newest box. Unimpressed, LeStatt lazily throws his arms into the box.

Fox: Otay... here’s the description; I’m initially wrapped in plastic. I’m sweet to the taste and have a swirl pattern to me. I can be referred to as the peppermint crutch. What am I? And noooo silly, it’s not your dearest fwend Clyde Fox!

Knight pulls his hands out of the box and takes his blindfold off. He looks down at Clyde like an ant stomper.

Knight: It’s a candy cane Clyde. A candy cane is in the box.

Fox: YAAAAAAY! You got it right! Here comes the gumdrop sticker!

Yale: Uh ohhhh...

Clyde peels the sticker off the sheet and makes an airplane noise as his hand soars towards Knight’s face. Surprisingly, Knight doesn’t flinch as Fox plants a pink gumdrop sticker right by his friends nose.

Fox: Tee hee. It looks super cute. Congrats on getting to the next round Kal El. Your destiny awaits.

Knight clenches his jaw tightly before forcing himself to move back into line.

Fox: Finally we have Zoey! Come up here Zoey!

Zoey dances his way up where he snatches the blindfold, puts it on and waits patiently as Dexter brings in the final box. Clyde guides Zoey’s hands into the box.

Fox: Here is your description Zoey; I vibrate. I’m kept in a women's purse. I can be used for pleasure. What am I?

Yale: Dear lord.

Bryan: I think it’s a vibrator Dave,

Zoey: A cell phone!

Clyde shakes his head in dissapointment.

Fox: Awwwww shuckies. I’m sowwy Zoey. You’re wrong. It’s actually a self-defense taser!

ZAP!

And just like that Zoey gets shocked from the taser. With his hair standing on its end, Zoey stands there in a catatonic like state.

Fox: But you get a gumdrop sticker just for trying.

Fox slips a sticker on Zoey’s face just before Dexter pulls him off into the distance.

Fox: Well folks there you have it! The final round is set! Shaman, AXXIE and Kal El will battle for victory in... The Chocolate Maze! Stay tuned!

The scene fades as the three stars left standing eye each other down.

Back to Top

The always festive Clyde Fox appears in the bowels of the arena, schlepping his feet behind him. He's got Jeff from Northern Ohio's note firmly planted in his hot little hand as he can't help but chuckle and hum Christmas tunes.

Bryan: Fox is back in the arena folks and it looks like he's going to respond to that note that Jeff from Northern Ohio gave him.

Fox turns down the hallway and arrives at an open door plastered with flashing Christmas lights, loads of tinsel, and of course, sparkly glitter on the ground.

Fox: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Glitter.

That wasn't all though. As Fox peaks his head into the room like a kid lifting the corner wrapping off his present, he notices the abundance of fake snow piled around the walls.

Fox: Snow too!

Yale: How much do you want to bet that Clyde thinks the snow is real?

Bryan: Nothing because I'm agreeing with you.

Fox tries to whisper to himself but he's just too excited. He really loses control when he notices the signage on the open door.

SANTA'S CHRISTMAS GROTTO

Fox: A CHRISTMAS (EXPLETIVE) GROTTO! Holy Burt Reynolds!

Clyde timidly steps forward and sees a pair of sheep with antlers attached to their heads. He proceeds into the room...

Murray: HO HO HO! MERRRRRRRRY CHRISTMAS!

Not for the first time this evening, Andy Claus welcomes another traveller into his grotto. Vivica J. Valentine cringes as Murray spreads his arms wide and grins behind his ridiculous fake beard. Clyde looks on awestruck, quite possibly the only person in the world who hasn't figured out that Andy Murray isn't, in fact, Santa Claus.

Murray: Come hither, young sir.

Fox takes one step before freezing faster than a deer caught in the headlights. His eyes lock onto... well... headlights.

Yale: I think Clyde might have a dilemma here JB.

Clyde knows that he really has an urge to sit on Santa's lap, yet it's his little helper that's just too appealing to pass up. Clyde bashfully smiles as his cheeks turn rosy red. He twists the top of his shoe into the ground and begins to bite his fingernails. He slowly inches closer to Santa and his elf companion.

Fox: Heto there. I'm Clyde Fox, nice to greet you.

Yale: I have a feeling LeStatt Knight taught Clyde how to introduce himself to girls JB.

Bryan: He still messed it up though. What a goof.

James Bryan playfully pokes at Clyde's attempt to hit on Vivica Elf Valentine. The thing is, Clyde has no idea it's her.

Fox: Are you going to give me a pwesent?

Vivica darts her eyes angrily at Andy Claus and then back at Clyde as if telling him to deal with it.

Murray: AHEM! Remove thy attentions from mine fair maiden and come forth for your gift, child.

Yale: Since when did Andy start speaking like Shakespeare?

Bryan: … I have absolutely no idea.

Distracted by Murray's growl, Clyde turns away from Valentine (who breaths a sigh of relief), and bounds enthusiastically towards Santamurrr. So enthusiastically, in fact, that he leaps into the air and lands on Murray's knee with great force, catching The King off-guard.

Murray: Ooof. Bloody hell mate.

Fox: Ooops, sowwy.

Murray: Care to get off my knee?

Fox: Ummmmmmmmmm nope.

Fox feels Andy Claus put pressure on his bottom by trying to lift his leg up.

Fox: LISTEN SANTA CLAUS! I'M NOT GETTING OFF YOUR (EXPLETIVE) KNEE! YOU ALWAYS COMPLAINED ABOUT HOW I WAS A FAT CHUBBY GOOBER! SO NO! I WON'T GET OFF YOUR LEG. YOU'RE FREAKING SANTA CLAUS... DEAL WITH IT!

Now that Fox's PMS rant was out of the way, he lightened the load on Andy Claus' leg by placing his feet on the ground.

Fox: There. Is that better Santie? I'm sowwy. I've just had an emotional rollercoaster of a holiday season. NOW WHAT'S MY PRESENT! Pwease...

Across the room, Valentine can't help but chuckle as Murray squirms.

Valentine: Is it everything you thought it'd be, Andy?

Murray flashes her an ice-cold look of death as Clyde's facial expression sags.

Murray: HUSH, WOMAN!

Clyde's eyebrows perk up as he notices something very haggis-like from Santa Claus.

Fox: Andy?

Sweat beads begin to tumble down Claus' temple in combination of the costume and being found out. Clyde reaches up and strokes Santa's pearly white beard.

Fox: You wouldn't lie to me... would you Santa?

Yale: This is it! The thing I've feared most! Clyde turns into a psycho killer after finding out Santa's true identity!

Before Andy Claus can reply, Clyde yanks the beard off as hard a he can, snapping the plastic strap around Murray's head.

SNAP!

Fox: SANTA! I TOOK YOUR BEARD OFF! I MEAN... SANTA... YOU'RE ANDY MURRAY!

Murray: Jesus Christ. Took you long enough to realise, didn't it?

Fox: YOU...

Clyde suddenly leaps up from Murray's knee, much to the GCW World Champion's relief. Before him stands Clyde Fox wagging his finger, angry.

Fox: FIRST YOU BREAK MY WII, THEN YOU FEED ME ICKY-STICKY HAGGIS AND MAKE ME ALL SICKY-WICKY, AND NOW YOU PRETEND YOU'RE SANTY CLAUS! YOU BIG POOPYHEAD, YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS!

Almost immediately Andy steps, leaning forward to try and calm Fox down.

Murray: Alright, alright! Chill the hell out for a seco-...

Fox: NO I WILL NO-...

Clyde prepares to go off on another tangent, but he's quickly distracted as Vivica tosses a small parcel in Murray's direction. Andy catches it and waves it in front of Clyde's face; the “To Clyde, from Santa” tag dangling appealling.

Fox: … for me?

Murray: Yes, my son. For you.

Fox catches himself drooling and wipes his lower lip before any saliva hits the floor. Suddenly, all is forgiven and Clyde opens his hands up to accept the parcel. Murray gently hands it over as Clyde holds it like a newborn baby. He gasps with excitement as he drops to the middle of the floor and tears the wrapping away.

Fox: ZOOOOOOO MY GOD!

Clyde holds up...

A Murrmaid Doll.

Fox: It's The Murrmaid THE year Doll! I've searched everywhere for this and I couldn't find it!

Yale: Does Clyde realize it's just an Andy Murray action figure with a set of mermaid flippers slapped onto it?

Murray: Really Clyde it's just...

Fox: THANK YOU! THANK YOU MURRMAN!

Clyde gets up and hugs Andy tightly. He then turns and catches Valentine off guard.

Fox: THANK YOU TALL HAWT AMAZON ELF LADY!

Clyde wraps his hands around Viv's waist and almost manages a butt grab but she is able to pull away just in time. Andy parts his lips to speak again, but Clyde's far too engrossed with his new toy to pay any attention. The Young Fox disappears out of the locker-room, singing “Merry Christmas” to himself as Murray and his partner glance at each other across the room.

Valentine: You know, I feel bad for him. After what I did and now you're doing this stuff, I just get the idea that one day he's going to have to go to the shink everyday and it'll be our fault. Maybe we should leave him alone?

Murray: I dunno, I think it's kinda funny.

Valentine: Well you didn't make him throw up or break any of his personal belongings this time, I suppose.

Murray: Progress, V. Progress.

Bryan: Another customer leaves Andy's Grotto satisfied! Whatever next?

Yale: I dunno, but I wouldn't complain if it involved a bomb going off in that room.

Back to Top

Cheap Labor is shown backstage still holding his new found ferret friend. He is stalking down the hallway with his recently acquired posse consisting of James Varga and The Count. They are the most intimidating trio in recent history as long as they're only being compared to Hanson. Varga is holding a 10 x 10 inch glossy picture that Cheap Labor is looking at with a raised eyebrow.

Varga: Remember when I said I had a job for you, Labor? This is it. This is the thing that’s been pulling tricks on me -- dousing me in glitter and sicing rabid animals at me and all the other shenigans. They call her Tempest. I call her ‘Pest for short. Get a good look at her, Labor. She is evil incarnate… even more so than The Count.

At the mention of his name, The Count smiles in a way that makes him look as deadly as a Build-A-Bear Workshop. Cheap Labor eyes are tractor-beamed to the picture of the woman before him.

Cheap Labor: Gosh, she’s very pretty.

Varga shoots an annoyed glance at his mentee.

Cheap Labor: (back-pedaling): Well, I mean, I’m sure that’s how she gets you. She lures you in and once your close enough, BAM! Like a Venus fly trap, you know?

Varga: The Penis Man-Trap, more like it!

The Count and Varga laugh in unison. Meanwhile, Cheap Labor continues to stare at the picture of Tempest and has misses the joke completely. He really did think she was pretty, gorgeous even.

Varga: Labor, snap out of it! I know you’re recently divorced and so anything with tits is cute to you, but this woman is your enemy. Do you understand? She is a bad, bad person! She’s the Darth Vader to our Luke Skywalker. She’s the Decepticons to our Autbots. She’s, she’s, she’s… Think of something you really love.

Labor: Fresh linens.

Varga: Okay, now think of something that destroys fresh linens.

Labor: Broken driers. Moths. Frayed threads. Angry ex-wives.

Varga: Yes, Labor. Tempest is that! Tempest is ALL of that!

… But, boy, that didn’t stop her from being appealing. She looked sweet. She didn’t look like the kind of lady to destroy fresh linens. Quite the opposite in fact -- she looked like the kind of lady who might wash fresh linens and fold them neatly. She also liked ferrets, which meant that she and Cheap Labor had something in common. Labor’s mind continues to wander as Varga rambles.

Varga: And, get this, she told me that you’re worthless. That you’re scum; that you aren’t even good enough to curtain jerk around this place. She’s one of those people that’s all for women’s rights. You’re evil to her just because you’re a man, Labor. If it wasn’t for men, she wouldn’t even have a right to vote! We need to show her whose boss. Right, Labor? Right? Labor?

Cheap Labor was in mid-swoon when his backhanded in the shoulder. He is jerked back into reality.

Labor: Yeah, yeah. She’s bad, I get it.

Even though, by golly, she sure didn’t look like a bad person.

Varga: Yeah, you’re going to rip her in half like she was in a Ron Jeremy porno film. She’ll be ripped in half that bad. Labor, this’ll be the match that you show all of these GCW scumbags just who the most underrated talent is in this weak, pathetic federation. I want everyone to fear Cheap Labor.

Labor (obviously not listening): Yes, porn is for scumbags. I hear you loud and clear. You can count on me to rip Caldera in half.

James Varga looks concerned and tries to pluck the picture from Tempest away from his client. Cheap Labor, however, has a G.I. Joe Kung-fu grip on it. The TV Title-holder reacts like a fat kid who is in jeopardy of losing their Halloween candy.

Cheap Labor: No, you can’t have it back! This picture is mine! I NEED IT!

James Varga steps back with a bemused expression distorting his face.

Cheap Labor: I mean, I’ve never seen her before. If I run across her, I'll need to, um, cross reference for verifi-- well, verification, you know. If I run across her before our match tonight, though, I’m going to… I’m going to… Clobber her!

If Varga could read minds, he would’ve scolded Cheap Labor for the day-dreamed debauchery that was currently invading the TV Champion’s mind. But, Varga could not read minds and he assumed Labor was being truthful, so he approvingly patted Labor on the back.

Varga: We’ve got some time before your match, son. Let’s go find the doll of Marcus Stone!

Labor trailed behind Varga and The Count but had given up his search for The American Dream symbol. His gaze was strongly affixed on the picture of Tempest that he now carried with him. Tempest stared at him with frozen indifference, but Labor could feel her staring him deep into his little soul.

Back to Top

Bryan: All right, we're in the home stretch with the 2009 GCW Awards! Just three more categories to announce! We've got two of them here.

2009 GCW Awards Winners

2009 Writer of the Year
Billy / Vivica J. Valentine
Andy / Andy Murray
Dan / Jay Terror
Loz / Digital Mortality
Shane / Chris Bagwell
Ross / Clyde Fox



2009 Match of the Year:
Jordan White vs. Chris Bagwell, Rampage
Andy Murray vs. Chris Bagwell, Warpath
Andy Murray vs. LeStatt Knight, Rampage
Tessa Windsor vs. Jay Terror, Rampage
Andy Murray vs. Bryan Mayhem, WW105



Bryan: Well there you have it! Two more accolades for the biggest star of 2009, Andy Murray!

Yale: But come on, let's give some credit to LeStatt Knight, winning yet ANOTHER Match of the Year award! It seems like year in and year out the most memorable moment involves the GCW Icon LeStatt Knight.

Bryan: No doubt about that one, Dave. Even after taking so much time off, LeStatt still keeps popping up in the awards voting. But Andy Murray has been given two huge ones here, which perhaps takes the mystery out of the final award.

Yale: Well let's not jump to any conclusions here, JB. Chris Bagwell has been my Wrestler of the Year sleeper pick since voting opened! I think he could take it home!

Bryan: Yeah, right. I do think Bagwell may have been robbed in Heel of the Year voting, though.

Yale: In any event, those are two very important awards we've just given out. The best worker in the company is something that's highly competitive, although there was some controversy about the omission of Garbage Bag Johnny and Jordan White.

Bryan: Those two guys would have absolutely garnered heavy voting for that category, and we can only speculate about what would have happened had they been included. But I suppose the decision was made that they didn't spend enough time in GCW in 2009 to be nominated.

Yale: Well, Jordan White has won that award before, and Garbage Bag Johnny is about to win the GTT Tournament in PTC. I don't think either is lacking in accolades.

Bryan: Two more big ones for Andy Murray, and yet another Match of the Year appearance from LeStatt. We'll be back in a bit to see if Murray can make it a clean sweep in the Wrestler of the Year award!

Back to Top

The crowd sits restless as the program returns from commercial break.

Bryan: Welcome back to ringside folks... and yes, do not adjust your television sets. What's surrounding the ring is not an illusion.

The scene pans across the ring, showing a candy cane cage encasing the squared circle.

Yale: Up next... get this... we're going to have ourselves a Candy Cane Cage match!

Bryan: That's right Dave! The cage constructed around the ring is entirely made out of candy canes!

The lights glimmer off of the red and white swirl pattern as 'The Cross' by Nas hits. Zacharia Taylor walks out to a sea of mixed cheers.

Andrews: Ladies and gentlemen, this next contest is the Candy Cane Cage match! Introducing first; ZACHARIA TAYLOR!

Taylor shakes his head in disbelief that he's going to have to be put into a candy cane cage but nevertheless, he makes his way down the ramp and into the ring. He slides the candy cane cage door open and can't help but get his fingers slightly stuck to it. He tears away and waits for his opponent in the middle of the ring.

Yale: Do you know who he's facing tonight JB?

Bryan: No clue. All these matches are a mystery to me.

Suddenly...

'Breathe'

BOOOOOOOOO!

Yale: WHAT?

Bryan: No... (expletive)... way...

Andrews: And his opponent, hailing from the famous Jersey Shore; CHRIS BAGWELL!

Yale: NO WAY! BAGWELL'S BACK!?

'Breathe' by Mike Hardy pulses through the arena as the fans eye the stage. They wait... wait... and wait even more until...

Yes.

Chris Bagwell emerges from the back, cockier than ever. Taylor nearly loses his mind in the ring as Bagwell eggs the crowd on.

Yale: IT'S HIM! HE'S BACK!

Bryan: I DON'T BELIEVE MY EYES! CHRIS BAGWELL IS BACK ON GCW TELEVISION!

Bagwell wastes little time getting down to the ring and entering the candy den. Taylor explodes out of his stance like a football player and tackles Bagwell to the ground where he starts to feed him shots!

DING! DING! DING!

Bryan: And we're off here folks! Chris Bagwell returning in a candy cane cage match against his one time peer Zacharia Taylor!

Taylor stays aggressive as he punctures Bagwell's face with his steel fists. Chris manages to pull away from a few and eventually thrust his shin into Taylor's groin.

Yale: Totally legal! Anything is JB! It's a Candy Cane Cage match after all!

OHHHHH!

The crowd reacts as Taylor fumbles from his position. Bagwell gets up and slams his knee into Taylor's open side. The Rajah of Ratings then walks right on over to the cage and immediately breaks a piece off!

Yale: He just broke the cage!

Bryan: Bagwell is wielding that small shard of candy cane like it's a nightstick or something!

CRACK!

Bagwell shatters it across the top of Taylor's head! Candy bits go flying into the crowd as some fans embrace it and try to eat it while others shield themselves from the sharp bits. Bagwell pulls Taylor up, throws him to the ropes and nails him with a spinning spinebuster!

Bryan: Big impact moves right off the bat by Bagwell here in the early going!

Yale: And remember, this ain't your gay version of a cage match either. You HAVE to escape to win. None of this pin or submission nonsense.

Bagwell laughs with the ease that which he is able to manhandle his one time friend. Chris tosses Taylor into the nearest turnbuckle and then jolts off the ropes himself, landing a running bulldog!

Yale: Taylor looks out of it JB!

Bryan: He's probably still stunned that he's facing Chris Bagwell that's all!

Bagwell gets up and quickly heads to climb the candy cane cage. He manages to use the top rope for leverage before...

SNAP!

Yale: Bagwell's weight was too much!

Bagwell comes fluttering to the mat as the entire bar holding his feet snaps off the cage.

Bryan: Doesn't seem like a very well built cage.

Yale: James... it's made out of freaking candy canes! What do you expect?

Taylor pulls himself up and notices Bagwell on the ground. He takes advantage by dropping an elbow on him. But just as Taylor lands, Bagwell catches him and locks in a reverse armbar!

Bryan: He's got him now!

Yale: Bagwell is never out of a match JB!

Chris spins around and drags his foe up. He then jumps and slams Taylor down with a Russian leg sweep! Bagwell then crawls over to the apron where he reaches down and manages to snag the long candy cane bar that broke off. He twists the bar in such a way that he's able to pull the entire thing into the ring!

Bryan: I don't like where this is going Dave!

Seeing that the bar is as wide as the ring, Bagwell rests the bar on the top ropes in the middle of the ring.

Yale: Are we going to have a hurdles contest now too?

Bryan: I think it looks more like those poles the horses jump over.

The crowd edges towards the ends of their seat as Taylor begins to stir. Bagwell ducks under the cane bar to pick Taylor up but Zacharia is too quick, catching Bagwell with a thumb to the eye! Chris stutters backwards until his back is against the cane bar thingy. He dabs at his eye to make sure he's okay but by the time he's finished, Taylor is up and ready.

Bryan: I have a feeling someone is going to go through that candy cane bar.

Taylor dives at Bagwell, but he moves at the last second sending Taylor just under the bar. The crowd shouts as Taylor catches himself on the ropes. He looks back at Bagwell and then begins to climb the cage. Having none of it, Bagwell hurdles the candy cane bar, jumps, and nails Taylor down from the cage with a heel kick!

Yale: AMAZING! What athleticism by Chris Bagwell!

Bryan: I really thought the hurdles comment was a joke but I guess we got what came to us!

Taylor lands right on top of Bagwell as both men land hard. They try to catch their breath as the crowd takes over.

'BREAK THAT SH*T! BREAK THAT SH*T! BREAK THAT SH*T!'

Yale: I think they want to see the destruction of this cage JB.

Bryan: You think?

Taylor is the first to get to his feet as he begins the climb again, this time from the turnbuckle. He notices how the cage isn't that stable and turns to go down but instead, he turns right into Chris Bagwell on the second turnbuckle!

Bryan: This could get dangerous here folks!

Bagwell shoves his fist into Taylor's gut! Zacharia teeters on the edge of falling off before Bagwell grabs him...

THE TORN IDENTITY!

CRACK!

Bryan: OH MY GOD!

Yale: RIGHT THROUGH THE CANDY CANE!

The crowd goes nuts as Bagwell just plants Taylor through the candy cane hurdle with his finishing move! The rest of the candy cane cage is intact, but the two shattered bodies are surrounded by sharp candy bits. There's still one rather large bit left by the feet of Bagwell.

'HOLY SH*T! HOLY SH*T! HOLY SH*T!'

The crowd loves the destruction, as both men are already surprisingly moving!

Yale: This is unreal! They are getting back up for more!

Taylor begins to crawl towards the candy cane cage door before he notices a candy cane cage lock on it!

Bryan: Taylor better look out behind him!

Yale: I think he's preoccupied with the candy lock on the candy door. Boy, I'm tired of saying the word candy for everything!

Bagwell gets to his feet, blood dripping from his forehead and all. He notices the last big piece of candy cane next to him. He picks it up and rests it on his shoulder like a baseball bat. Taylor pulls himself up with the ropes and notices Bagwell coming at him.

SWING...

CRACK!

Bryan: Bagwell missed!

Yale: He nailed the door!

And just like that, the candy cane lock was shattered! Taylor leans back up and dropkicks Bagwell. In the process, the force from the dropkick propels Taylor through the open door and onto the outside mat!

DING! DING! DING!

Yale: WHAT!?

Bryan: NO WAY! TAYLOR ESCAPED!

Andrews: Here is your winner; ZACHARIA TAYLOR!

'The Cross' by Nas pounds through the arena as Taylor sits up, somewhat stunned himself. He eyes down Bagwell in the ring who is bright red in the face.

Bryan: Bagwell had this match in his grasp and one wrong move gave Taylor the opening he needed... LITERALLY!

Yale: I'm sorry but I refuse to believe this! Taylor catches a break and flies out of the ring to victory!? But Bagwell's return...

Taylor gets to his feet, dusts himself off and has a few choice words for Bagwell before walking to the back in victory. Bagwell shakes his head in anger as he throws down the last chunk of candy cane.

Bryan: Bagwell returns... only to be outdone by Zacharia Taylor in a candy cane cage match to remember!

Back to Top

The Church of the Unholy reaches their locker room and quickly goes inside as the camera follows them in. Varga and the Count are both still brushing off the sparkles that Tempest dumped all over them.

Varga: GOD DAMMIT! THAT BITCH HAS MESSED WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE!

Count: She got sparkles all over my vampire outfit.

Varga: Quit whining like a little girl! We need to take direct action now before she does something else to us.

Count looks at Varga funny after hearing this.

Count: I wasn’t whining like a little girl.

Varga: Yeah, you were.

The Count gets visibly upset after hearing this.

Count: NO I WASN’T!

Varga shakes his head.

Varga: You know what? Who the hell cares? I don’t. Let’s get back to business. We need payback now and I have someone in mind who can take that bitch down…

The Count looks confused.

Count: Who?

Varga: Cheap Labor.

The Count smiles and the scene fades to black with evil laughter in the background.

Back to Top

The Grinch himself, wearing his "I'm the Grinch, Bitch!" tee shirt and hum bug pants strolls down the hall following the strand of blinking Christmas lights. He huffs and shakes his head half expecting Cindy Lou Who to be singing around the corner. As he dives deeper into a Rudolph tune he finds a sign sitting just outside of the Scottish King of Cool's grotto.

It reads: Santa is In. Come on in for Christmas joy!

Bryan: Oh no.

Yale: I think Murray's festive goodwill may about to plummet.

Jay shrugs and puts a grinchy grin on his grinchy face opening the the doorhandle with his grinchy fingers. To his surprise, Christmas cheer and joy punches him in the face. Lights decorate everything and trees dress the walkway to Santa's throne. Jay follows the walkway kicking over a few cancy canes in the process. As he finds the throne, he spots big jolly himself and the evergreen Elfentine.

Jay Terror: Well isn't this adorable, especially you Viv. Look at those ears! So real!

Murray: Bollocks. Of all the people to walk in...

Andy Claus scowls at Terror from beneath his ludicrous facial fluff and oversized red and white hat, but his girlfriend's reaction is far more profound.

Valentine: That's it...

She pulls the green and red elf hat from her head, sending strands of blond hair cascading down her back.

Valentine: Enough of this shit. I'm out.

Without warning Vivica storms away from the pile of presents she's been distributing, barging pasted a humoured Jay Terror as she leaves the locker-room. The King's on his feet, calling.

Murray: V! Hell you going?

No answer. Just the pitter-patter of a 129lb woman's feet on concrete. Andy sighs.

Bryan: I guess Vivica's had enough.

Yale: Can you blame her? Murray's been acting the class clown all night, JB.

Bryan: It's called "having fun," Dave. Try it sometime.

Murray: Look what you went and done, boy.

Jay Terror: She looked like Lantlas Andy! I mean, really?

Terror looks around at the pile of presents and then back at the white bearded Scot.

Jay Terror: Where's your chimney at?

Murray: The same place as your FACE! Yeah! Take that.

Yale: ... wow.

The King smirks, trying to kid himself that his words just cut Jay to the bone. He doesn't succeed.

Murray: Hmmm. Not exactly cooking with the comebacks tonight, am I?

Jay Terror: No. Not exactly.

Murray: Must be all the mulled wine. Anyway, Terrible Jay, what in the name of Old Father Time could you possibly want? This is Christmas, shouldn't you be wrapping those BFF rings you got for you and Steve?

Jay Terror: I got him a bandana flavored tie and he loved it for your information. Apparently System-X ended up taking whatever he got me so it'll be a few days.

Terror checks his pockets quick.

Jay Terror: Hate to say it but I forgot your gift Murrrta.

Murray: Heh. You ain't 'sposed to give Santa gifts anyway, Jay. Didn't your parents let you do Christmas when you were a kid?

Andy Claus quickly turns towards the pile of gifts. He picks one up and extends it towards Jay. Wrapped in blue and white paper, it's no bigger than a pack of cards and not much thicker than an envelope.

Murray: Luckily for you, though, Andy Claus doesn't forget anyone on the roster, no matter how naughty they've been.

Jay Terror: Really? I mean...wow.

He opens the flap on the back and tosses the paper to the floor turning the slip over revealing a hanful of small white squares. The label on the front square reads NicoDerm. Terror's grin sinks to a frown and he looks at Santa Murrr with distaste.

Jay Terror: You've got to be kidding me.

Santa steps over and places a caring hand on Jay's shoulder.

Murray: I know, son. It's difficult to admit when you've got a problem, but you've gotta come to terms with it someday. Maybe these'll help.

Jay Terror: A problem?! It's not a problem. Couldn't you have given me a bottle of Jack? Some new sunglasses? Something I could use?!

Murray: Well if you want "something you could use," I can take those back and see if the local adult shop's got a twelve-inch battery-powered knobbler in stock. Be grateful though, shithead. Hey, do me a favour?

Jay Terror: Humbug, Sandy. Humbug!

Murray: I'll take that as a yes.

With Terror scowling, Santa turns back to the pile of gifts and plucks two oblong shaped boxes from the top. He steps back across towards Terror.

Murray: Now I know you and I ain't exactly bros, I know you like winding-up the plebes almost as much as I do, and I don't really have the time to get these gifts to their respective owners.

Glancing curiously, Jay takes the boxes and reads the tags.

Jay Terror: For Taylor and Bagwell. Hell's in these?

Murray: For Zacharia Taylor, a personality. For Chris Bagwell, a win. Feel me?

Terror cracks a smirk at the thought.

Jay Terror: You want me to have these or deliver them? I think I have both of these already honestly.

Murray: You take a gift that isn't yours and I'll sick Rudolph on you, mothersucker.

Murray thumbs across the room. One of his reindeer sheep bleats at Terror, who looks unamused.

Murray: You don't need those. I mean, you're a dickhead, so nobody can say you haven't got a personality, and you've beaten a couple of guys. Just think of those poor, unfortunate guidos this Christmas, dude. Do you have any idea when the last time ol' Bubbles actually won a match was? Like, 2008! And Taylor's never gonna pop that cherry if he doesn't learn how to have a conversation with an actual human being.

Jay Terror: I guess this means I have to take a trip to the Jersey Shore.

He shows visible disgust at the idea and shakes it off.

Jay Terror: I'll see what I can do. I swear though, if they give me a spray tan or spike my hair I'm going to take you, Elfentine, and Rudolph down with me.

He fixes his "I'm the Grinch, bitch!" shirt and tucks the packages under his arm.

Jay Terror: I'm taking a candy cane, don't care what you say.

The former Outlaw plucks one from a nearby stand and marches out the door, taking the gifts with him. Andy shrugs and slowly makes his way across to the reindeer sheep. He sits down on a bale of hay and puts an arm over a sheep's wooly back.

Murray: Don't worry, Rudolph. I won't let him hurt you.

Yale: Murray and Terror, working together at Christmas?

Bryan: I wouldn't really call it "working together". I guess not even the baddest man in GCW can stand Chris Bagwell.

Yale: What I want to know is where Vivica's gone. She didn't look too pleased, there.

Bryan: She made it pretty clear at the start of the evening that taking part in Murray's pantomime wasn't exactly her cup of tea, and now it's come to a head. Murrentine aren't exactly going through the best of spells right now, you know.

Back to Top

AAAAAALLLLLLLLRRRRRRRIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHTTT!

Rikki Roxx bounds up to an unsuspecting Sally Ford, who had been minding her own business in the catering room. She stops with her coffee inches from her mouth, wincing at the sound of the voice behind her.

Ford: Hi, Rikki.

Roxx: Heeeeyyy, baby! Look, I know you've been wanting to hook up with the Hard Rockinist man in Gee Cee Dub, but you've just been too intimidated. I understand, I'd be intimidated, too, if I saw what I was packin'.

Ford raises an eyebrow, confused and bothered.

Ford: What?

Roxx: Check it out, baby, you don't need to be afraid. Rikki will be gentle with you.

Ford's jaw drops as Rikki gestures toward his crotch. A massive bulge is present beneath his startlingly tight tights, causing Ford to leap back a step.

Roxx: Don't be afraid, baby, it won't bite. Hard. OW!

Sally Ford's face of disgust quickly turns to a face of amusement as she takes a closer look at what Rikki's packing.

Yale: Hey, wait, JB, look at that!

Bryan: Uhh, I'd rather not.

Yale: No, really, doesn't that kinda look like... Markus Stone?

Bryan: Rikki Roxx has Markus Stone in his pants?

Yale: Sure looks like it!

Bryan: OH! The Markus Stone action figure... Rikki Roxx has stuffed his pants with it?!

Yale: Does that make Rikki Roxx the new American Dream holder?

Bryan: Or just an idiot...

Ford can't help but let out a slight chuckle.

Ford: Yeah, that's not your penis.

Rikki grows visibly nervous.

Roxx: What are you talking about, baby? This is all natural!

Rolling her eyes, Ford shoves her hand down Rikki's tights.

Roxx: WHOA! I like where this is going...

She quickly removes the Markus Stone figure from his pants, but tosses it onto the catering table in disgust. She then casts a sideways glance at Rikki, who begins to backtrack.

Roxx: Whoa, hey, uh... how'd that get in there? Uhh, I just found that a while ago and, uhh, well...

Bryan: Wow! I guess we've located the Rikki Roxx doll, and the next person to grab it will have an automatic United States Title shot!

Yale: Gross...

Rikki grows even more pale as his attention is cast a few feet to the left. The camera pans over to find The Jhub and Toad standing against the wall, where they seem to have been the entire time. Each man has a plate of food in one hand and a fork in the other, but the eating process has come to a screeching halt. Each man wears a face of disbelief and discomfort as they raise their eyebrows at Rikki.

Roxx: Well, uh, hey fellas, why don't I give you Markus, you take the title shot, and we never speak of this again, huh?

The Jhub drops his plate on the ground. Toad flings his angrily against the wall.

The Jhub: I honestly don't want it.

Toad: Bail?

The Jhub: Mega-bail.

System-X departs the room, looking decidedly queasy. Sally Ford follows them out, sighing audibly, leaving Rikki Roxx alone and staring at the Markus Stone Molester Edition action figure sitting next to the potato salad.

Bryan: Well, after seeing that The Jhub and Toad didn't even want the US Title shot!

Yale: After the beating they took earlier tonight, I'm not surprised...

Rikki stands alone in the catering room, looking into the camera uncomfortably. But a few feet away the door opens again, and in walks a tall, dark form. Digital Mortality, clad in his ring gear and looking ready to wrestle, moves toward Rikki without paying him much mind. But as he's cutting through, he spies the Stone doll on the table.

Bryan: Hey, wait! It's Digital Mortality! And he sees the doll!

Yale: It's not a doll, it's an action figure!

The crowd groans as Digital Mortality looks at Rikki, then looks at the doll. Rikki makes no movement to claim it for himself, so Digital Mortality reaches down and grabs the doll with his bare hand.

Bryan: That's it! Digital Mortality has won the American Dream!

Yale: But he doesn't know where that thing has been all night, JB!

Bryan: This is unsettling.

Digital Mortality shrugs and moves toward Rikki.

Digital Mortality: Move.

Rikki: Hey, take care of that doll, it DEFINITELY hasn't been on my junk.

Digi raises an eyebrow.

Rikki: ALLLLLLL RIGGGGHHHHTTTT!!!!!!

Digi shrugs and pushes past Rikki, who helps himself to some potato salad.

Bryan: Well just like that, with no effort at all, Digital Mortality has just lucked into an automatic United States Title shot!

Yale: Wow! What a turn of events, and what terrible luck for Dan Black, JB! But if Digi knew where that thing had been... ugh!

Bryan: For Rikki's sake, let's hope he never finds out.

Back to Top

Bryan: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Christmas Chaos! Now let’s send things over to Clyde Fox at a very secret location for the final round of his Christmas Challenge.

Things switch over to Clyde standing patiently with microphone in hand. He’s surrounded by dark, silky looking walls as AXEL Action, Shaman and LeStatt Knight loosen up behind a solid white line on the ground.

Fox: That’s right James Bee. We’re back here at a very scary warehouse for the final installment of my Christmas Challenge; THE CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN MAZE! This entire maze is made out of real milk chocolate. There’s even a chocolatie river that runs through it. The objective is for one of these fine, fine gentlemen to find the fountain. If they do that, then they win the prize!

Clyde walks over to the starting line.

Fox: Shaman, any final words for your opponents?

Shaman: Be prepared to get CRUSHED!

Fox: Well said, well said. Ummm how about you AXXIE?

Action: These chocolate stains better come out of my wrestling trunks.

Fox: I have a few Tide-To-Go pens I’ll lend you afterwards. And lastly... Kal El. Any last words?

Knight stays silent as Clyde puts the microphone in his mug.

Fox: Otay then. Good luck guys.

ON YOUR MARK!

GET SET!

GO!

Right off the bat LK turns and shoves Shaman into the nearest chocolate wall, destroying it. Knight flies off out of sight as AXEL begins EATING his way through a different wall. Shaman gets up and rubs some of the chocolatie goodness off of him.

Shaman: Damn Knight. What kind of strategy is that?

Shaman groans as he goes around a corner and comes back with a sack of children. He dumps the children out of the sack and grins wisely.

Shaman: Alright kids, you got your ten bucks, now it’s your turn to come through for me. Have at it!

Yale: Did Shaman just dump a sack load of children into the maze?

Bryan: Yup.

The children start ravaging the walls, gulping down chunks of solid milk chocolate.

Fox: Oh boy. This is not how I envisioned things.

AXEL notices Shaman’s trickery and stops eating the walls.

Action: HEY! Those should be illegal!

Fox: Heyyyyy.... YESH!

Shaman puts his hands up innocently.

Shaman: Hey I just paid them to eat my way to victory, that’s all.

AXEL pulls out his wallet and dangles a twenty dollar bill above their heads.

Action: Hey guys, I’ll give you twenty bucks if you kick the man who kidnapped you in the shins!

Without hesitation, a kid grabs the cash and leads his squad towards the towering Shaman. They attack him at once allowing for AXEL to slip by and continue through the maze. Clyde disappears in the background as nothing but Shaman’s screams can be heard in the distance.

Meanwhile...

CRASH!

LeStatt Knight bolls through another chocolate thin wall. He’s sporting a few skid marks on his face but he’s still determined to find the fountain at the end. He turns and notices AXEL Action trying to climb a nearby wall.

Action: I SEE IT! THE FOUNTAIN!

Knight zips over and throws AXEL from the wall, crash landing into the hard ground. He then turns and breaks through the final wall before finding the all-powerful chocolate fountain. Knight proudly pounds his fist into the flowing liquid chocolate in victory.

Knight: There. I won your stupid challenge.

BAM!

Bryan: WHAT!?

Yale: OH MY GOD!

Knight drops to the floor, out cold.

Fox: Now that’s what I call a sweet ending.

Yale: Did he just?

Bryan: Clyde Fox just attacked LeStatt Knight from behind!

Clyde stands tall over Knight with a bent chocolate shovel in hand.

Yale: It was... a set up! It must have been!

Bryan: Clyde Fox just clocked a living GCW Legend!

Yale: All that stupid crap just for a blindside shot at LeStatt Knight?

Fox tosses the shovel down as AXEL Action looks on in awe.

Fox: No more Mister Nice Fox. You just got pwned... B*TCH!

And with that Clyde happily skips away from Knight. AXEL Action is left standing there not sure what to do as a few children run and jump into the chocolate fountain, splashing each other with Shaman’s limbs. Okay, not his limbs... but that’d be pretty cool.

Bryan: I am in shock Dave. Clyde Fox just played the “sweetest” trick anyone has on LeStatt Knight!

Yale: Yeah but JB... I’d be scared if I was Clyde Fox now. I think the Knight we know will be coming out from the darkness now...

Back to Top

Bryan: All right fans, this is it! This is the big one, the final award of the night, it's the Wrestler of the Year Award! Past winners include Lia Ambrosi, Vivica J. Valentine and LeStatt Knight. Someone will put their name in that illustrious company in just a few moments.

Yale: It's a big one, no doubt, JB. The Wrestler of the Year is the person who had the best year in GCW from top to bottom, beginning to end. When we think back to the year 2009 in the future, the Wrestler of the Year is the person whose name is etched in our memories.

Bryan: There were some very worthy candidates this year. Let's take a look.

2009 GCW Awards Winners

2009 Wrestler of the Year

Vivica J. Valentine
-Placed Second in Dangerous Games
-Defeated Digital Mortality
-Won #1 Contendership and NC-17 Main Event spot

Clyde Fox
-Placed Third in Dangerous Games
-Eliminated LeStatt Knight in under one minute
-Defeated Garbage Bag Johnny

Zacharia Taylor
-Ended Unbeaten Streak of Garbage Bag Johnny
-Won United States Title
-Placed Fourth in Dangerous Games

LeStatt Knight
-Held GCW World Title for 137 days
-Became only the second 3-time World Champion
-Participated in both Rivalry and Match of the Year

Andy Murray
-Defeated LeStatt Knight for GCW World Title; still reigning
-Defeated Chris Bagwell
-Second-longest reigning GCW Champion in history (and counting)



...and the 2009 Wrestler of the Year is...









Andy Murray




Bryan: There it is! A clean sweep of all categories he was nominated in! What a year 2009 was for Andy Murray!

Yale: The former journeyman catches fire in GCW and now he's one of the most highly decorated stars in history! Makes me a little sick inside, JB.

Bryan: Andy Murray, who beat LeStatt Knight, who retained against Chris Bagwell, had a sensational year. He bested everyone, beat all his biggest rivals, and he's carrying the World Title right into 2010! And if he can defeat Valentine at NC-17, Valentine's own title reign record will be in Murray's sights!

Yale: It's another goal Murray has in mind, JB, no doubt about that. And it might just be attainable. And how remarkable would it be to see Andy Murray climb into the almost untouchable ranks of the all-time GCW greats?

Bryan: With this awards win, Murray's just a few more victories away from etching his face on the Mount Rushmore of GCW legends.

Yale: But we all know Vivica J. Valentine doesn't want to see anyone else on that mountain beside her. She's going to stop at nothing to end Murray's climb at NC-17.

Bryan: Come on now, Dave, Valentine has great respect for this level of achievement having done it herself, and she's a fiery competitor. That's it. Give her a little credit.

Yale: You'll see, JB. I've been saying it for years, she's no good deep inside. And how do you think she's feeling seeing Murray's name get called yet again?

Bryan: I can only imagine, Dave. But Andy Murray wins yet again, and he's the 2009 Wrestler of the Year! Congratulations from everyone in GCW to Andy Murray for completing one of the most remarkable runs in GCW history-- and it might just be getting started.

Back to Top

Bryan: Welcome back to ringside, Ladies and Gentlemen. It's main event time here at Christmas Chaos, and judging by all the stuff that's sitting around here, this one's going to be pretty interesting to say the very least

Yale: What in the hell's going on, JB? Ringside looks like the aftermath of an explosion at Santa Claus' factory!

True enough, the camera pans around the ringside area to reveal all manner of festive items. Giant candy canes, stockings full of boxes, reindeer horns, tinsel, lights, fake snowmen, plastic Santas Christmas puddings, oversized crackers. Just about everything you can think of, basically.

Oh, and there's about 4-5 inches of fake snow sprinkled liberally around the place too, including inside the ring.

Bryan: I have absolutely no idea what's in store for us here, Dave, but with the amount of stuff that's been left out here I think it's safe to say that we're not going to have a technical wrestling clinic ahead of us.

Yale: I dunno, man. Trying to watch a bunch of guys try to chain wrestle in this mess - (Dave pauses to pick up a handful of 'snow') - could be ridiculously entertaining.

Bryan: Well, whatever happens, our colleague Joey Andrews seems to have a much better idea than we do.

Inside the ring, Joey uses his feet to shuffle some of the snowflakes away before looking up to the crowd.

Joey Andrews: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is a 'Deck the Halls' match and it is your main event for the evening! Introducing your first team captain...

'Rise' by The Cult.

Rah, motherfuckers. Raaaaahhhh.

Bryan: Well I'm still none the wiser as to how this match is going to work, but here comes the first 'team captain'.

Yale: ... and he's still wearing that ludicrous costume.

Sure enough, The Scottish King of Cool steps out from the backstage area amidst flashing red and white strobes. He puts a hand to his artificially inflated belly and lets a 'HO! HO! HO!' rumble from his stomach, before descending from the top of the ramp. Swinging his sack of gifts down from his shoulder, Murray stops to open it up, before pulling out a series of packages and handing them to those lucky enough to be seated next to the ramp.

Bryan: Andy Claus is in the house and he's spreading that festive cheer again!

Yale: This is getting a bit cringeworthy, isn't it? I mean, this is a thirty-two year old man.

Bryan: I thought this would've been the one night of the year where you'd drop the cynicism towards Andy Murray for a change, but nooooo. Poor show, Dave.

Yale: Just look at him, JB! Andy Murray is one of the biggest asskissers of the fans I've seen in my life. I know tonight's supposed to be a little bit more light-hearted than your average GCW broadcast, but this so sugary that it's making me sick.

Eventually Murray dispatches the last of his gifts and trudges his way through the 'snow'. Dropping the sack, he climbs up the ringsteps and tries to slip through the ropes, but his artificial girth prevents him from doing so. Puzzled, he pulls down the top rope and swings his leg over the top instead.

Andrews: In the ring, from Aberdeen, Scotland, he weighs in at 275lbs and is the reigning GCW World Heavyweight Champion... 'THE SCOTTISH KING OF COOL'...ANDYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MURRRRAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!

Murray flexes his bicep beneath the Santa costume before bowing for the crowd.

Andrews: And the second team captain...

'As we proceed...'

'BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

'... to give you what you need.'

'Who Shot Ya.'

B-I-motherfuckin'-G.

Bryan: Oh boy!

Yale: Now that's more like it.

The former 'Outlaw' saunters out casually from the backstage area, much of his face obscured by his bandanna and sunglasses. Jay slowly begins his slow walk down the ramp, eyeing the props around the ring with bewilderment as he's showered by a reaction that's the polar opposite to his opponent's.

Bryan: Earlier on we saw Andy entrusted Jay to deliver a personality to Zacharia Taylor and a win to Chris Bagwell. That was a fairly light-hearted exchange, given their history, but it looks like we're going to see them lock horns again.

Yale: You know that Terror's been dying to get his hands around Murray's throat since he came back, too. This may be the season of goodwill, but the thought of these two going off on one another once again is pretty exciting.

Bryan: Whenever these two get together the results are never pretty, but let's remember that these two are apparently 'team captains'! I can't wait to see who else has been thrown into the mix.

The former GCW Champion rolls into the ring and stands up, brushing some of the flakes from his Grinch t-shirt. He takes up a position at the opposite side from Murray, who still thinks that he's Santa Claus.

Andrews: In the ring, from Bow, New Hampshire, weighing in at 187lbs, ladies and gentlemen this is 'ESTABLISHED'... JAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY TTTTTTEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRR!

Slowly the East Coast's finest begins to die down. Joey Andrews motions for both men to come towards the centre of the ring. They oblige.

Andrews: Gentlemen, the rules for this contest are simple. The two of you will lead two teams of five men against each other in this very ring under standard elimination rules. Tonight falls count anywhere, and all festive-themed weapons are completely legal.

Bryan: That'll explain why every official on the GCW payroll is gathered at ringside, then.

Andrews: Mr. Murray, yourself and those on your team are fighting for goodwill and festive cheer. Mr. Terror, you fight for everything that that green caricature on your t-shirt stands for. Your team-mates have already been determined, so without further adieu...

An unrelenting thrash metal assault booms from the PA systems as Testament's 'Souls of Black' rips and tears. The fans are on their feet, jeering immediately as a trenchcoat-clad Digital Mortality steps out from the backstage area.

Bryan: I'll give you one guess who's team this man is gonna be on, Dave.

Yale: I don't even need to take that guess, JB. With that outfit, Digi's almost the polar opposite of Andy Murray tonight! The new American Dream holder means business.

Andrews: Introducing first, on Jay Terror's team he is the former 'MAN IN BLACK'... DIGITAL MORTALLLLLIIITTTTTYYYY!

"You're Gonna Go Far Kid" by Offspring hits over the PA system and the fans react immediately with a strong volume of cheers for Tessa Windsor, who comes out wearing a slightly more wrestle-friendly outfit than the one she'd adorned earlier. She smiles, waving to the crowd as she comes down the ramp.

Bryan: And here's a woman who's had a fair share of issues with both Terror and Digi in the past!

Yale: She managed to overcome both of them with a massive main event victory last week, too. Credit where credit's due, Tessa is one of the best in the business and a massive coup for Murray's team.

Andrews: On Andy Murray's team... TESSSAAAA WINDSSSSOOOOOOORRRRR!

Tessa's attention, however, is almost immediately torn away from the ring as American Head Charge's 'To Be Me' belts from the speakers. The crowd jeer heavily as Markus Stone steps out, smirking at his former ally on his way to the ring.

Yale: Oh boy! This just got interesting for Tessa. Not only does she have to contend with two men she's clashed with in the past, but now she's got Stone on her case too.

Bryan: This man's acts towards Tessa have been pretty damn disgraceful as of late, Dave. They've clashed a few times in recent weeks, but it'll be interesting to see how they react in this kind of environment.

Andrews: On Jay Terror's team, a former member of BANNED & EXILED... MARKUSSSS STONNNNEEEEEE!

The merry-go-round continues. It's time for another good guy, and it's A Perfect Circle and 'Judith' that signals the arrival of AXEL Action, sans Dan Black's mother.

Bryan: Here comes the Angel of Vengeance!

Yale: So far we've got Murray, Tessa, and AXEL versus Terror, Digi, and Stone. Both of these teams are looking incredibly strong, JB.

Bryan: They certainly are. Even though neither Murray or Terror seemed to have any influence over these choices, they're not going to be disappointed by the calibre of their team mebers.

Andrews: On Andy Murray's team, he is 'THE ANGEL OF VENGEANCE'... AXEL ACTIIIIIOOOOONNNNNN!

'Ultimate Remix' by Jarrid Mendelson.

'BOOOOOOOOOO!

Someone was always gonna throw a spanner in the works, right?

Yale: HAHA! Yes, it's Dan Black! This just gets better and better!

Bryan: The amount of bad blood inside the ring tonight is going to be ridiculous now, Dave. Black and AXEL straight-up hate each other, and you know that Black's gonna be fuming after that stuff AXEL and Murray pulled with Dan's 'mother' earlier.

Andrews: On Jay Terror's team, he is 'THE BULLDOZER'... DAAAANNNN BLLAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK!

Black enters the ring, scowling at AXEL beneath a furrowed brow. AXEL stands firm beside Murray and Tessa as 'Ghost Town' hits the PA system.

'RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!'

The roof? Gone.

Bryan: OH MY!

A ball of energy, Clyde Fox bursts from the backstage area and leaps out onto the stage. He pumps his fist in the air before sprinting down to the ring, slapping hands with the fans as he goes.

Bryan: Team Murray just got one hell of an addition!

Yale: And this is exactly the kind of bedlam you'd expect Clyde to thrive in!

Andrews: On Andy Murray's team, 'THE PRINCE OF THE PLAYROOM'... CLYDE FFFFFFFOOOOOOOXXXXXXX!

Clyde enters the ring and goes through each of his team-mates, hugging them individually. His theme music fades and for a few moments a hush overcomes the crowd.

Bryan: Terror, Stone, Digi, Black. Who next?

I-ya,
I against I...

Yale: OH. MY. GOD.

Bryan: Well it had to happen, didn't it? After Black and AXEL, and Stone and Tessa, LeStatt Knight just had to be involved in this...

Yale: And would you check the look on the good guys' faces! This is bad, bad news for them.

After a few moments the most recognisable face in GCW history walks out slowly, adjusting his wrist tape as he takes his time on the way to the ring. LeStatt Knight deliberately paces himself as he goes around the outside of the ring, before hopping up onto the apron.

Andrews: The final member of Jay Terror's team, he is a HALL-OF-FAMER, and a THREE-TIME GCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... LESTATT KNIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHT!

Whatever the heels do, though, the faces can do too.

We're more than carbon and chemicals...

Andrews: AAAAAAND FINALLY!

It takes a few seconds for Vivica J. Valentine to arrive, but eventually she does, and she's dressed entirely in her usual ring attire, much to Andy Murray's disappointment.

Bryan: Well, Valentine is the final competitor for this match, but what's happened to the elf costume?

Yale: You actually expected her to wrestle like that?!

Bryan: Hey, Murray's still got his costume on.

Yale: But Murray's an idiot, JB. Valentine wasn't too enamoured by Murray's Christmas antics in the first place, and after storming out of Santa's grotto earlier she was always going to ditch the stupid costume.

Andrews: She is a former GCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, 'THE FEARLESS PHENOM'... VIVICA. J. VALEEEEENNNNTTTTTIINNNNNNEEEEE!

Valentine hops into the ring, ignoring Andy when he questions what happened to her outfit and instead instructing him to focus on the match. Meanwhile, Jay Terror and his team are clustered around one another, scheming.

Bryan: Well this should be one hell of a contest, Dave. Murray, Valentine, Tessa, AXEL, and Clyde versus Terror, Digi, Stone, Black, and LK.

Yale: It's going to be an all-out war, JB. Falls count anywhere and no disqualifications in an arena littered with all manner of festive weaponry? Ridiculous. And there's definitely a lot of bad blood hovering around in there too.

Bryan: Indeed. Aside from Tessa's various grievances, we've got Murray and LK, Murray and Terror, Valentine and Digi, Valentine and Terror, Valentine and LK, AXEL and Black, Valentine and Stone, LK and Clyde...

Yale: A lot of people that don't like each other very much, basically.

Bryan: Basically.

Finally, Thrice begins to fade from the PA system. Andrews bails from the ring as Josh Briggs holds his hands out, trying to keep the two teams separated until the bell rings. Mercifully, it's ring comes quickly, and Briggs is out of there as ten of GCW's finest simultaneously charge at each other.

DING! DING! DING!

Bryan: Here we go!

Mayhem ensues. Flakes of snow are kicked up and fists fly as the teams come together. It's almost impossible to distinguish one competitor from another as the maelstrom intensifies, but soon groups of scattered wrestlers begin to split up. Almost immediately Tessa Windsor spins over the top rope, courtesy of a Dan Black clothesline, and Clyde Fox is knocked down via a stiff Digital Mortality uppercut.

Bryan: This is Chaos! Tessa's gone over the top rope and Black's gone out to join her as Andy Murray and AXEL Action team-up on Terror and Stone!

Yale: Digi is all over Fox on the mat, too!

Bryan: How are we supposed to keep track of this?!

Digi mounts Clyde and begins to hammer away on the young Fox, but Vivica J. Valentine peels him away before any real damage can be done. With Digi now on his feet, Valentine kicks him hard in the thigh before nailing him on the back of the head with a spinning heel kick.

Bryan: Stone's down! HUGE spinebuster from Murray into all that fake snow.

Yale: But AXEL's not doing so well, Terror's got him in the corner... and WHAM! What a clothesline!

Outside, Dan Black's forcing Tessa Windsor to adapt to his game by brawling with her. The United States champion of course gets the upper hand over his much smaller opponent, and he viciously whips her back-first against the barricade. LeStatt Knight, finding himself at a loose end amidst the mayhem, slides out of the ring when he sees Tessa in trouble.

Bryan: This could be interesting, Dave. Tessa and LeStatt have some interesting history.

Yale: It was LK that bent Tessa into leaving Chris Storm's side last year, JB, and while Tessa may have gone on to redeem herself with the fans, she's sure to have raised some of Knight's ire.

Bryan: Indeed she has - LK's going to work.

Knight and Black begin taking turns to mudhole stomp Windsor. Meanwhile, in the ring, the babyfaces are beginning to take control. Using their superior number to their advantage, Murray, Valentine, AXEL, and Clyde go to work on Stone, Terror, and Digi.

Yale: Digi's still in Valentine's clutches.

Bryan: Suplex attmpt. BLOCKED! Digi tries the same move on Valentine...

Yale: ... but Murray almost knocks his head off with that forearm shot!

Meanwhile, Markus Stone tries to throw a kick at AXEL, but the dexterous Angel of Vengeance grabs his boot and flips him down with a Dragon Screw. Two of the least compatible personalities in GCW, Terror and Clyde, go at it with Clyde nailing a cross body. Puffs of fake snow wisp into the air as Fox makes the first pin attempt.

...1!

But Terror kicks out.

Bryan: Looks like Team Murray are in-charge so far.

Yale: They are, JB, but Tessa's in trouble out there. She's two-on-one against two of the biggest, most powerful wrestlers in the promotion.

Thankfully, AXEL Action seems to notice this. With all his ring-based foes downed, he steps back and takes a deep breathe. Suddenly he charges across the ring, before, in one more, leaping up onto the top turnbuckle and flying off the top with a barrel roll! Thousands of flashbulbs go off as the former United States Champion lands on Knight and Black, knocking them both for sex.

'RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!'

Bryan: WHAT A MOVE! AXEL Action is on fire!

Yale: He put his body on the line and it seems to have paid off for now, but we'll see if it has an effect on him later in the match.

Bryan: Tremendous character from AXEL there; he saw Tessa was no physical match for both Black and Knight, so he came to her rescue.

Back in the ring, Clyde has Terror in a corner but Digi has fought back against Valentine and Murray, outfoxing GCW's only couple and tripping the Andy Claus to the mat. With Murray knocked down he goes after Valentine, and soon Markus Stone is on his feet, joining in with the action. He leaves Valentine to Digi, and instead goes for Murray.

Yale: Former tag team champion Markus Stone hauls The Scottish King of Cool up, only to smash the top of his skull with that pointed elbow.

Bryan: Murray against the ropes now, but that suit's just too weighty!

Such is the mass of Murray's outfit that he builds almost zero momentum as he reaches the robs, and manages to stop with relative ease. However, being dressed as Santa has also reduced his turning circle to that of a battleship, meaning Stone has plenty of time to come in from behind and drill him with a reverse DDT. Stone covers.

...1!

...2!

No, foot on the rope.

Bryan: Well things are finally beginning to take shape, Dave; individuals are pairing off and we're getting a bit of structure to the match. Think it'll continue this way?

Yale: Doubt it. Stone's on top of Murray just now, but you've gotta believe he's just itching to get hold of Tessa.

Bryan: Murray could really struggle in this match, actually. This is a massive opportunity for any one of Terror's team to take out the GCW World Champion. Can you think what it would mean for someone like Dan Black's career to get a pinfall over the champ tonight?

Yale: It would be astronomical, JB. The King has a massive target on his bag tonight, and even for a wrestler of his undeniable ability, he'll be a lucky man if he makes it through tonight unscathed.

Meanwhile, outside the ring, Tessa's back up and helping AXEL to his feet. She leaves Action splayed against the apron as she notices Dan Black rising. With a knee to the gut and a slap to the face Black's taken out of commission, but Knight's getting up too.

Bryan: Damn, Tessa's got her hands full here. Back over to Knight...

Yale: Snapmare back down, but wait, here comes Black!

Coming to his senses, Black grabs a giant candy cane from the floor and sees Tessa standing with her back turned. He charges...

Bryan: DE-NIED!

Yale: AXEL with the spear! And now the pin!

...1!

...2!

No! Black powers his shoulder up!

Yale: Almost, JB. Almost.

The faces continue their work outside, as the battle between Terror and Fox rages on. The former Outlaw just can't grasp Fox and another attempt at prolonged domination is thwarted when Clyde pokes him in the eyes, kicks him between the legs, and giggles like a school girl.

Bryan: Looks like Clyde's taking it to Steven Caldera's wonderboy in his own unique style.

Yale: 'Unique' is right, JB. Don't worry, it won't last; there's no way a buffoon like Fox is going to keep Jay down for long.

Meanwhile, Stone is still on top of Murray. After putting The King down again with a pavement slam, Markus pulls The King up slowly, but Murray fights back with a desperate couple of shots to the gut. Suddenly Murray explodes, powering up and smacking his opponent square in the jaw. He pushes Stone forward, just to get him out of his face, but fails to telegraph the running Yakuza kick from Digital Mortality!

'OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'

Yale: Superb team-work from Stone and Digi!

Bryan: Digi noticed Stone's stranglehold was weakening and came to his assistance! Here's the cover.

...1!

...2!

Bryan: NO! Kick-out!

Stone nods at Digi to show his appreciation, before asking the Puerto Rican to kindly back away from The Admiral of Awesome's body. Begrudgingly, Digi rises and turns back to Vivica J. Valentine.

Bryan: Well we said that Stone's priority would probably be Tessa Windsor tonight, but he's going to have some fun with the GCW World Champion while he's got the chance!

Yale: Absolutely, JB. You know that a guy like Stone would love to be the man to put Murray out of this match.

Seeing his two friends getting beaten on, Clyde begins to devise a strategy. He grabs Jay Terror by his long, sweaty locks before stepping in front of Terror, bending him over, and putting his head under his arm.

Yale: The hell is this?

Bryan: BATTERING RAM!

Much to the crowd's delight, Fox runs forward as fast as he can. He collides with both Stone and Digi on his way across the ring!

'RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!'

Bryan: DOWN THEY GO! Just like skittles!

Yale: Ummm, Clyde. Pay attention son.

Unfortunately it isn't 1995 and Clyde Fox isn't a member of the Bushwhackers. Almost as soon as he's dropped Terror and started celebrating, Stone, Digi, and Terror are all back on their feet, and Clyde's stranded on the corner.

Bryan: Uh-oh!

Yale: Don't turn around, Clyde!

Clyde does, and WHAM! Right hand by Terror, followed by a left from Stone and an uppercut from Digi. Clyde slumps down in the corner as the three men go to work, but suddenly there's a reprieve! The recovered Murrentine tandem suddenly leap into the mix. Murray clobbers Stone and bundles him over the top rope, while Valentine turns Terror and takes him down with an arm drag. Digi turns, distracted by the upheaval, but Santa whips him across to the opposite turnbuckle before splashing with with his massive belly!

'SAN-TA! SAN-TA! SAN-TA!'

Murray smiles, laughing, before eventually tearing open his read jacket and pulling out some of the stuffing below. Relived to finally be back to full mobility, he goes to work on Digi.

Yale: About time Murray ditched some of that bulk. He might actually be able to inflict some offence now.

Bryan: He hasn't had much of a chance so far, but now The Scottish King's got Digital Mortality at his mercy.

Outside and it looks like Tessa and AXEL are still in control, that is until Markus Stone creeps around the outside of the ring and taps Tessa on the shoulder. Sensing what's about to come, Tessa swings her fist around, but Markus ducks and plants her with a superkick. He drops to his knees and covers.

...1!

...2!

No! Tessa gets a shoulder up.

Bryan: Well Markus has finally got his sights on Tessa Windsor, but I don't envy the referee's job tonight. How on earth are they supposed to tell when a shoulder's down if they can't see it under all that snow?

Yale: Whoever designed this set clearly wasn't taking practicality into account, that's for sure.

This leaves Knight, Black, and AXEL. Fortunately for AXEL, Knight to be content to let him fight with The Bulldozer, and AXEL takes his long-term rival towards the ramp, stopping to pick up a plastic Santa Claus model on the way. As soon as Black shows some signs of life, AXEL tries to smash the model over his head, but Big D ducks, wrangles the porcelain creation from Action's grip and cracks it across his skull!

Yale: OHHHH! Nasty stuff from Black, and it looks like these two are headed elsewhere!

Bryan: Those two are headed up the ramp, and look who else is travelling! Digital Mortality is literally thrown out of the ring by Andy Murray! Immense power from the Scot.

Digi lands at Stone's feet, startling his team-mate but not unsettling him completely. Trying to think of new ways to assault his adversary, Stone notices a green Santa sack sitting at his feet. He pulls it over the ground and shrugs, throwing it over his shoulder as Tessa begins to rise.

Bryan: What's Markus got in store here?

Yale: I dunno, but it ain't gonna be pretty.

Eventually Tessa gets back to her feet and turns. Markus suddenly swings the sack round, but such is it's lack of weight that it just bounces harmlessly off Tessa's tiny frame. Stone, infuriated, is wide open to the running tackle from Windsor!

Bryan: Revenge for Tessa at last!

Yale: What the hell did that bag have in it - fairy dust?!

Bryan: Ha! Apparently.

Back inside, Valentine his Terror in her clutches and calls to the crowd for The End of Heartache.

Yale: Valentine could be about to put the other team's captain to sleep, here!

Bryan: WAIT! KNIGHT! WHERE DID HE COME FROM?!

Knight almost decapitates Vivica J. Valentine as he powers into the ring and knocks her away from Terror.

Yale: Good job Knight was there. He doesn't like Terror one bit - remember NC-17 2007? - but he wants to win this one just as much as anybody.

Bryan: And now he's going to town on Valentine, a woman that he defeated only last week.

In the middle of the ring, Clyde Fox is faced with a dilemma. He sees LeStatt Knight assaulting Valentine and knows he has the power to do something about it, but something's stopping him from doing so. Something inside him.

Bryan: Is Clyde Fox scared to attack LeStatt Knight here?

Yale: He is, JB. And look at LK's face - he knows it!

Knight sneers at Fox as he picks Valentine up, almost goading him into an assault. He steps closer, shouting at Clyde to save Vivica, but Clyde only backs away. Having had enough, Knight clobbers Valentine and lets her drop. He strides up to Fox, but it's not a new enemy that he finds himself nose-to-nose with...

'RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!'

... it's an old one.

Bryan: Murray steps in! Thank God, Clyde didn't have a clue what to do!

Yale: And we ALL know about the history these two have.

Bryan: A lot of respect runs between these two, but also a heck of a lot of animosity. Let's see wha--...

'OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!'

We don't even have to wait to find out what's going to happen. A desperate Vivica J. Valentine scrambles across the ring, decking Knight with a low blow.

Bryan: VALENTINE OUT OF NOWHERE! The cover!

...1!

...2!

No, Knight kicks out.

Yale: Dirty, underhand tactics from Vivica J. Valentine there.

Bryan: Perhaps, but that's good teamwork from Team Murrenfox. They just took the biggest superstar in GCW history to the task.

Back outside and Digital Mortality has his eye on a commotion towards the top of the ramp. AXEL Action and The Bulldozer have fought their way to the wrestler's entrance, exchange blows, and are now going at it on the stage. Seeing two potential future enemies, Digi begins to stride after them.

Yale: Looks like the new American Dream holder is on a mission!

Bryan: Now would be a perfect opportunity to cash-in, Dave!

Yale: Yeah, but to do that he'd have to pin Dan Black, and if he pins Black then his team is down a man. Is that a sacrifice that Digi is willing to make.

It doesn't take long for Valentine's Dangerous Games opponent to reach the ruckus, and Black and AXEL don't even notice he's there.

Bryan: These guys had better be careful, Dave. Dan's just teetering on the edge there.

The fans' focus turns to this area of the arena, but AXEL Action does indeed have Dan Black on the brink.

Yale: That's a 10ft drop, JB!

With The Bulldozer groggy, AXEL suddenly charges forward, looking to plough him right off the side of the stage. It's then that Digi chooses to intervene - he tries to push AXEL clean off, and he manages to do so... but not without wiping Black out as well!

'OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!'

Bryan: OH MY GOD!

Yale: AXEL and Black just plummeted from the top of the stage! I'm not sure that's what Digi had in mind!

Bryan: Both man landed with a sick thud, but HEY! WAIT A MINUTE!

Yale: AXEL LANDED ON BLACK!

...1!

...2!

...3!!!

DAN BLACK ELIMINATED!

Bryan: The United States champion is the first man down!

Yale: After two consecutive losses, AXEL Action finally has a pinfall over Dan Black to celebrate.

Bryan: And partly down to Digi, too.

Perhaps sensing that he's made an error, Digital Morality sees only one thing for it. Without warning he dives off the stage, planting an elbow across AXEL's chest.

'OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!'

Bryan: JESUS CHRIST!

...1!

...2!

...3!!!

AXEL ACTION ELIMINATED!

Yale: Bye-bye AXEL!

Bryan: Atonement for Digi! And we're back on level terms.

Yale: That's a move that's going to take a lot out of Digi, though. He's eliminated AXEL, but at what cost?

Bryan: I guess we'll find that out later on, but things are getting tasty here by ringside!

Tessa and Stone are still outside the ring, and it's Tessa who's in control. With Stone up against the barricade, she tries to whip him against the side of the ring. The whip's countered but she's got the agility to hop up onto the apron, fly off with a backflip, and catch the rushing Stone with a reverse DDT on the way down.

'RAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!'

Bryan: DID YOU SEE THAT?!

Yale: INCREDIBLE agility!

Bryan: Stone's gone, surely!

...1!

...2!

...3?

NO! SHOULDER UP!

Bryan: SO UNLUCKY FOR TESSA!

Yale: What a move that was, JB. Credit where credit is due, Tessa Windsor just made every fan in this arena's ticket worth the price they paid, and then some.

Back inside, Valentine and Knight are still locked in a heated brawl as Clyde and Murray double-team Jay Terror. On a rebound, Murray lifts Terror up with a flapjack, and Clyde catches him with a cutter on the way down! Clyde makes the cover...

...1!

...2!

No! Broken up by Knight!

Bryan: LeStatt Knight is back in action, and I don't think Muray's even noticed!

Yale: He's just seen Digi halfway up the ramp, JB! I think Murray thought Terror was out of there!

By this point, the King has indeed left the ring to go after the shambling Digi. DigiMort throws a sloppy punch at Murray, with the champion deflects with his forearm before kneeing his opponent in the gut. He's just about to roll Digi back into the ring when the former Man in Black suddenly rakes his eyes and slams his face into the mat.

Bryan: Well, this has been hella chaotic so far, Dave. We've had two eliminations now, and you've gotta believe that more aren't too far away.

Yale: There's not a person in this match who can say they haven't been on the receiving end of a beating so far, JB, but look at the talent still left in this match. Murray, Valentine, Fox, Tessa, Knight, Stone, Terror, Digi... who knows what's going to happen!

Bryan: Star of the match so far? I'm looking at Tessa and Stone, here. Stone dominated the GCW World Champion for a spell earlier on, but that move Tessa just pulled-off was out of this world!

Yale: Can't really argue with those choices, and Tessa's still on top out here! Meanwhile, it looks like Digital Mortality has Murray under his control.

Markus Stone knows he's in trouble. There's little he can do but slump against the foreign announce table as Tessa stalks him on the outside of the ring.

Bryan: This isn't look good for the former B&E member.

Pausing for breathe, Tessa eventually spins Stone round by his shoulder and slaps him hard across the chest with the back of her hand. Markus slumps to the floor, and Tessa steps forward. Suddenly, though, Markus swipes his hand round, throwing a clump of fake snow into Tessa's eyes!

Bryan: Hey!

Yale: She's got those paper flakes in her eyes! She's blind!

Bryan: AND NOW STONE WITH THE ROLL-UP!

Markus makes sure he grabs a massive handful of Tessa's attire as she goes down.

...1!

...2!

...3!!!

TESSA WINDSOR ELIMINATED!

Bryan: What a cowardly move from Markus Stone! Firstly he blindsides her, then he pins her with the tights!

Yale: Tessa kicked out almost as soon as the hand hit the deck for the third time, but it doesn't matter, she's outta here. Markus Stone just scored one hell of a personal victory!

Tessa is despondent. Shocked, she rises to her feet and immediately makes for the referee is having none of it and waves her to the back. Markus Stone, meanwhile, is laughing his ass off.

Bryan: This is an absolute sham, Dave. Tessa Windsor's had one hell of a match, and to be put out like that is just a joke.

Yale: This is a non-disqualification match, JB. There are no rules! Markus can do whatever he wants to get ahead, and he's done just that.

Bryan: Still, despite all he's done over the past couple of years, I would've thought that there was still some class left inside this man. I guess he's a lost cause.

Vivica J. Valentine and Jay Terror have left the ring to join the Murray/Digi battle on the outside, leaving just two men inside the ring. Neither of them realises it for a couple of seconds, until their eyes eventually meet and their fate dawns upon them.

Yale: Oh boy...

Bryan: LeStatt and Clyde are the only two left in the ring, Dave!

Yale: There's no avoiding it now. C'mon, Clyde! Fight!

The Young Fox knows there's not much voice. Nervously, he steps towards the centre of the ring, and LK does the same. The two stand just a few feet away from each other, eyes locked.

'LET'S GO CLYDE FOX!'

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!

'LET'S GO CLYDE FOX!'

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!

Bryan: This crowd are spurring Fox on, Dave!

Yale: FIGHT! COME ON!

Clyde clenches a fist, swallowing hard. He raises it to strike Knight, who immediately raises his hands in a defensive position, until...

Yale: ... HUH?!

Bryan: BANDSTAND BUST! WHAT THE HELL?!

Yale: WHERE DID TERROR COME FROM?!

Clyde Fox is driven hard into a mat that's almost entirely clear of fake snow. Before LeStatt can realises what the hell is going on, Jay Terror's already hooked the leg.

...1!

...2!

...3!!!

CLYDE FOX ELIMINATED!

Bryan: UNBELIEVEABLE!

Yale: Just when it looked like Clyde and LK were finally going to throw down, Terror comes out of nowhere and takes Clyde out of the game! Incredible action here!

Slowly Terror rises to his feet, meeting the sneering Knight with a shrug.

Bryan: Well I don't think Knight's going to be too happy about that one; he finally had the chance to get his hands on Clyde after all these weeks, and Terror took it from him.

Yale: Perhaps even more newsworthy is the fact that we're down to 4 on 2, JB! With Tessa and Clyde gone it's just Murray and Valentine against Stone, Terror, Digi, and Knight!

Bryan: This doesn't look good for Murrentine; they were having a tough time when it was 5 on 5, but now that another two of their team members are gone, they're really gonna struggle.

Yale: I can't see this ending well for the happy couple, JB.

Outside, Murray and Valentine are coping with Digi and Stone, but soon Knight and Terror come out to join the fight. Terror wastes little time in wading in and taking care of business, but Knight's first reaction is to pull up the ring curtain and slide out a table.

Yale: Heh. Looks like Knight wants to have some fun tonight...

LeStatt pulls the legs of the table out and sets it up. Murray sees this, and, abandoning Valentine for a moment, steps over to catch Knight off-guard before throwing him against Markus Stone and the barricade!

Bryan: Murray to the rescue, but the job's not done yet!

Yale: Valentine nails Terror with a discus elbow strike out of nowhere and bundles him over the barrier for good measure!

Bryan: Meanwhile, Murray's firing back into Digi! These two aren't giving up just yet, JB!

Valentine reaches over to grab Terror, but he's already on his feet. He brings his arm down hard on Valentine's, crushing it against the top of the steel barricade. Valentine shrieks with pain and recoils, but not before smacking Jay straight in the nose.

Bryan: JESUS! Did you HEAR that?!

Yale: Absolutely BRUTAL strike to Valentine's arm! She could be hurt, though!

Even if she is, Vivica knows she has no time to lick her wounds. Stone and Knight are on their way up and she has no choice but to fight them. Easier said that done with one good arm.

Bryan: Valentine famously won Dangerous Games with one arm tied behind her back, but this is a totally different prospect, Dave.

Yale: Absolutely. Dangerous Games is a free for all. This, on the other hand, is quite the opposite. She's got four men in there who all want to beat the living snot out of her...

She flings herself into the fight while Andy Murray struggles with Digi. Grabbing his throat, Murray tries to push Digi down into the floor, but Mortality counters with a headbutt that Murray doesn't see coming at all. Now, with The King at his mercy, Digi hops up onto the apron, taking Murray with him.

Yale: Digi's got Murray! He's pointing to the table!

'BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

Bryan: Could this be the beginning of the end for team Murray?

Yale: It certainly looks like it.

Bryan: But no! Murray's not done yet! Shot to the gut, and another!

Murray rises as Digi tries to club his neck. In a split-second Murray quickly puts both arms around Digi's neck and pushes him violently from the side of the ring, sending him crashing through the table to the mat beyond.

'RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!'

Bryan: DIGI'S DOWN!

Knowing it'd be stupid to fly from the apron, Murray quickly hops down and makes the cover.

...1!

...2!

...3!!!

DIGITAL MORTALITY ELIMINATED!

Bryan: 3 on 2! Murray just evened out the odds a little!

Yale: Damnit! Looked like Digi had him, too.

Bryan: Murray needs to think fast, though - Valentine is in trouble!

Just as LeStatt Knight slams a chair into Vivica's hurt arm, Andy Murray throws his 275lbs body at the group of bad guys as if he's a human torpedo. He knocks the group away and sends his fists flying.

Bryan: SHOT TO STONE! ONE FOR TERROR! KNIGHT TOO!

Yale: Andy Murray is fighting as if his life depended on it!

Bryan: JAWBREAKER! Knight's down and stumbling away! AND WHAT A DDT ON MARKUS STONE!

Valentine scurries away, holding her arm with a pained expression on her face. She rolls into the ring and Knight, though dazed, follows her. Valentine is unable to quell his inevitable rise with stomps and soon Knight powers to his feet as Terror takes advantage of Murray's move on Stone.

Bryan: All hell is breaking loose here! LeStatt Knight has an injured Valentine in his sights, and the numbers game is beginning to take it's toll on Andy Murray.

Knight grins; oh, how he'll enjoying defeating Vivica J. Valentine for two consecutive weeks. He backs her as far back as she can go, but when he tries to grab Valentine, the Fearless Phenom ducks beneath him. In a move of sheer desperation, Valentine rolls LK up and pushes her feet against the ropes.

...1!

...2!

...3!!!

'RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!'

Bryan: LK'S GONE! LK'S GONE!

Yale: WHAT?!

LESTATT KNIGHT ELIMINATED!

Bryan: IN THE SPACE OF TWO MINUTES WE'VE GONE FROM 4 ON 2, TO 2 ON 2! GAME ON!

Yale: Valentine with the feet on the ropes, too! That's not too dissimilar to the methods she used to beat Clyde a couple of weeks back

Bryan: What choice did she have, Dave?! She's carrying an injury for Christ's sakes! Knight would have obliterated her!

Frustrated, Knight bashes his palms into the mat, but there's nothing he can do. Eventually two officials gather around him and force him away, but Valentine's troubles aren't over just yet. Markus Stone clocks Andy Murray over the head with a steel chair, before Terror suddenly notices the vulnerable Vivica alone in the ring and yells something at Stone.

Bryan: What the hell are they doing?

Yale: I've no idea, JB, but Jay's coming this way!

Markus slides into the ring as Jay walks around the outside. With a business-like look on his face, Stone hauls Valentine from the mat and starts to go to work on her wounded arm. More interestingly, though, is the fact that Terror's approached a headset-wearing ring technician with a steel chair in his hand. He points up to the candy cane cage.

Bryan: Terror is BERATING one of our production crew!

Yale: But what for?!

Bryan: I hav-... ohhhh. Wait. Look what he's point at.

Yale: The cage? Hold on! It's moving!

The staffer folds to Terror's threats almost immediately. It takes a few moments for news to filter from his headset to the backstage area, but soon enough the candy cane cage slowly begins to lower from the rafters. A smile crosses Terror's lips as the deceptively strong structure makes it's way downwards.

Bryan: The cage is lowering, but why?

Yale: I guess Jay just got bored with only being able to use these stupid Christmas weapons!

Terror slides back into the ring and aids his team-mate. They put Valentine up against the turnbuckles and Terror applies a hammerlock on her hurt arm. The Fearless Phenom lashes out, trying to break Jay's hold, but the pain's too much for her to take.

SLAAAAAMMMM.

The candy cane cage locks into place.

Markus Stone and Jay Terror are in the ring with Vivica J. Valentine.

Andy Murray isn't.

When The Scottish King of Cool comes to, the realisation is startling.

Bryan: Oh my God. Did they just...?

Yale: They've locked Murray out of this match! Valentine's in there with Stone and Terror and there's nothing her boyfriend can do but watch!

Bryan: And she's injured, Dave. This is just sick! Somebody raise that cage, immediately.

Yale: All is fair, JB. Like I said earlier, it's no disqualifications.

Bryan: But come on! This isn't about winning a match, this is about someone else's wellbeing. Despicable. Truly despicable from Terror and Stone.

Horrified, Andy Murray rises to his feet and rattles the cage, but the bars have been blessed by the orbs of Shaman, making them stronger than pure titanium. He can do nothing but watch as Valentine lashes wildly at Stone with her good arm, only to be smacked down by Terror.

'BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

Bryan: Look at Murray! He's apoplectic!

Yale: I'm not surprised. His girlfriend is getting annihilated in there! Normally if you're going to bet on anyone to overcome a 2 on 1 deficit, it'd be Valentine, but with the condition her right arm must be in, this doesn't look good.

Bryan: I wouldn't like to be Stone and Terror when Murray gets his hands on them!

There's only one way for Murray to go - up.

He grabs hold of the bars tightly and tries to scale the cage, but it's hard going. The candy cane cage wasn't designed to allow a man with size sixteen boots to climb it.

Bryan: Murray's trying to get up there, but his feet are slipping! The gaps are too small.

Yale: But he's moving!

Bryan: JESUS! Would you look at that upper body strength?! Murray's clawing his way up that cage with his hands alone.

And he does so slowly, but fortunately Stone and Terror are too wrapped up with stomping Valentine to notice Murray's ascent.

'LET'S GO MURR-AY!'

'LET'S GO VIVV-Y!'

'LET'S GO MURR-AY!'

'LET'S GO VIVV-Y!'

A mammoth cheer goes up as Andy Murray reaches the top of the cage. It's then that the bad guys notice his presence.

Yale: Stone's spotted him!

On the inner side of the cage, Murray balances himself on the top rope, before leaping off and nailing the charging Stone with a diving shoulder barge! Stone hits the deck and Terror notices the commotion, but he can't do anything as Murray picks him up, hoists him in the air, and smashes a huge European uppercut into his jaw on the fall!

'RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!'

Bryan: Andy takes Terror out! Thank GOD for that!

Yale: Valentine just got a massive reprieve, JB.

With Stone not quite out of it, Murray quickly grabs him by the head and throws him against the cage's wall. Immediately after he walks over to his fallen girlfriend and scoops her up. He looks up again.

Bryan: What's he doing now?

Without hesitation, Andy throws Valentine over his shoulders and begins to climb.

Yale: What on Earth is he doing, JB?!

Bryan: He's getting Valentine the hell out of there!

Yale: Is he insane?! Didn't he see how she reacted last week when he threw in the towel against LeStatt? Valentine's gonna kill him!

Bryan: Maybe so, but she can hardly compete against Stone and Terror with a bad arm! Murray's doing the right thing.

Murray reaches the top and carefully pulls Valentine from his shoulders. Gently he lowers her to the ground; there's a bit of a drop, but nothing she can't handle. Eventually she hits the ground and slumps for a much-needed breather.

Bryan: The roles have been reversed. Now Murray's on the inside with Terror and Stone - what a sacrifice by the Scottish King of Cool.

Yale: I'm not sure about this, KB. Not sure at all.

Andy gets back to the turnbuckles, but he's paid too much attention to Valentine and not enough to his opponents. Immediately, Stone yanks him downwards. Murray hits the mat like a tonne of bricks, and the vultures descend on him.

'BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yale: I told you! The two former Establishment members are all over Andy now. He's going to regret that decision.

Bryan: But now he doesn't have the burden of a wounded Valentine to worry about. The numbers are uneven, but don't write Andy Murray off just yet.

He tries to rise but can't; the stomps are coming too quickly. When he does manage to make it to his knees, Stone immediately puts him in a camel clutch and Terror hits him square in the face with a dropkick. Stone rolls the GCW Champion over and makes the pin...

...1!

... but rolls off him after one.

'BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

Yale: These guys are just toying with him now.

Bryan: Murray needs a recover, and fast. He's fading.

Yale: He's not going to get an opportunity to recover. These two can be as ruthless as they come.

Valentine's beginning to stir outside. It takes both Stone and Terror to haul Murray's dead weight up. They back him into a corner and take turns hitting corner splashes, before Terror eventually wrenches his arm and hits a hook kick to knock him down again. Stone follows up with an elbow drop as the Fearless Phenom brushes strands of hair from her vision.

Bryan: I think Valentine is coming to.

Yale: And she's not going to be happy. She might have been finished in this match, but Valentine is quite possibly the most competitive wrestler I've ever seen.

But she's still too dazed. She falls back, feeling white-hot barbs of pain shoot up her arm as Stone and Terror allow Murray to rise on his own accord like a couple of hyenas.

Bryan: I hate to admit it, but this doesn't look good for Murray.

Yale: Look at his legs, JB. They're wobbling - I don't know how much more punishment he can take.

The King's up but he isn't looking too sure of himself. He stumbles forward, holding a hand up, and wincing. Terror, chuckling, moves in for the kill and suddenly the Admiral of Awesome springs into life with a massive superkick! Terror falls to the mat and Stone charges, only to be speared to the ground!

'RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!'

Bryan: MURRAY LIVES! Classic tactics from the thirty-two year old veteran.

Yale: He lured his opponents in and took them out, but can he capitalise?

Immediately Murray falls to one knee, holding his sore gut. It takes him a lot longer than it should to get back up, and even longer to pick up Markus Stone and Irish whip him into the corner that Terror's chose to recover in. With both men stuck against the turnbuckles, Murray charges and hits both with a back elbow splash!

Bryan: I think Valentine's just realised what's happening, Dave.

Yale: And she doesn't look too pleased about it either.

Valentine's in the same situation Murray was a few minutes ago, and she doesn't like it one bit. Clutching her arm like a sling, she grabs the nearest referee by the shirt.

Yale: She's demanding the key.

Bryan: But who's got it?

Yale: ... that guy, apparently.

After a few seconds scrabbling around in his pocket, the referee finds the key and hands it to Valentine. At the opposite side of the ring, Stone has recovered and downed Murray with a freak STO. Oblivious to the fact that Valentine's struggling with the cage's lock, he picks Murray up and signals for the end.

Bryan: Quick, Viv! Get in there!

Yale: Murray hasn't got much time!

Bryan: She's got the door open!

She throws the key to the deck, but she's far too eager to get inside that cage. Terror wipes her out with a clothesline.

'BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

Yale: Heh. So much for that.

Jeers fill the arena as Stone pushes Murray to the deck, signalling for his 'Record Breaker' Shining Wizard. He's caught off-guard when he sees Terror attacking Valentine, though, and that's all the time Andy Murray needs to delve deep into his energy reserves and skip behind the former Banned & Exiled member.

Bryan: WAIT! HEX BREAKER! HEX BREAKER ON STONE!

Murray drapes a groggy arm over Markus' chest.

...1!

...2!

...3!!!

MARKUS STONE ELIMINATED!

Yale: MURRAY GOT STONE!

Bryan: It's taken a lot out of the King, but he just ended Stone's domination of this match! Hex Breaker out of nowhere!

Yale: All things considered, that was an incredible performance from Markus Stone. I don't think we'll see a better individual performance all year, JB, but now it's down to Terror.

Bryan: Terror's gotta cope with Murrentine here, but to his advantage, both of them are battered and bruised. Valentine's hardly had a look-in since Terror annihilated her arm.

The 'Established' hasn't noticed that Murray's just eliminated his last ally, and Murray's not noticed that his girlfriend's found her way back into the ring. Slowly he rises.

Bryan: Come on, Murray! Quick!

The first thing he sees is that the cage door's wide open.

Then he looks to the corridor. Sees Terror beating on Valentine.

Loses it.

Bryan: HERE HE COMES!

Suddenly Murray charges forward, ready to destroy the small of Jay Terror's back with a knee strike....


... but at the very last second, Jay rolls out of the way.

Andy Murray's knee smashes into his girlfriend's face.

Bryan: OH MY GOD!

Yale: HOLY ****! HOLY ****!

Bryan: ANDY MURRAY JUST INADVERTANTLY DESTROYED VIVICA J. VALENTINE!

Yale: TERROR MOVED OUT OF THE WAY! AND JUST CHECK THAT LOOK ON MURRAY'S FACE, HE'S SHOCKED!

Unable to comprehend what's just happened, Andy steps backwards, completely helpless as Terror pulls his unconscious partner from the corner and covers her.

...1!

...2!

...3!!!

VIVICA J. VALENTINE ELIMINATED!

Bryan: I can't believe what we've just seen, Dave.

Yale: Andy Murray has put his foot in his mouth with Valentine a few times over the past couple of weeks; he pulled her out of her match with LeStatt last week, and early tonight he couldn't keep his eyes off Tessa Windsor. But this? This is on a whole new level.

Bryan: It was an accident, though. A terrible, terrible accident. Murray was going for Terror and Terror was wily enough to move out of the way.

Yale: But is Valentine going to see it that way?

A swarm of EMTs immediately charge down the ramp and pull Valentine from the ring. Murray eventually comes to his senses. He's infuriated.

Bryan: Uh-oh.

He charges Jay and almost flattens him against the cages bar. With eyes full of fury, Andy tosses him halfway across the ring, before grabbing his head and slamming it against the bars. Terror stumbles back to him blindly, eating Murray's big boot.

Yale: JESUS! Murray's going to kill him!

Bryan: This isn't the Andy Murray that you and I know, Dave. He's overcome with what's happened!

Yale: What he's done, you mean.

Terror's on the floor but Murray won't give him a second's rest. He hits the deck and balls a fist, repeatedly pounding it into Terror's face before the referee pulls him back. Almost immediately, though, Murray pushes Briggs to the deck and is all over Jay Terror like a plague of locusts.

Yale: I think Valentine's showing some signs of life out there, but this doesn't look good.

Bryan: I haven't seen Murray like this since his war with LeStatt Knight, Dave. I'm worried.

Yale: Something tells me that the result of this match suddenly became a lot less important.

Valentine's indeed stirring. Not opening her eyes yet, but there's some movement in her arms. Satisfied that Terror's been murdered enough, Murray walks towards the cage's door and calls her name. He leans through the ropes, half in the ring, half out.

Bryan: I can't even begin to imagine what's going through Andy Murray's head right now.

Yale: He just about caved his woman's skull in. He saw she was back in the ring and he lost it - this never would've happened if he hadn't carried her out of the cage in the first place.

Bryan: Oh come on! How was he supposed to know something like this was going to happen? You can't possibly put this on Murray, he was only trying to protect her.

Yale: And she's ended up on a stretcher because of it. I'm just saying.

The EMTs attempt to roll Vivica onto the stretcher when her eyes slowly behind to open. She's not so sure where she is, all she really knows is that someone's trying to strap her down and she doesn't like it. She swings her good arm, trying to push the medical staff away as a concerned Murray looks on.

Yale: What is she doing?! Let them do their job, you're in no shape to be out here.

Bryan: Sometimes Vivica J. Valentine just has far too much fight for her own good, Dave. It seems that this is one of those occasions.

Eventually Vivica forces the energy to sit up. She tries to stand but the pain shooting through her skull is too much, and she slumps down immediately. This only makes Murray wince further, but he's about to pay for his negligence of Jay Terror. Caldera's protege is back on his feet, and his The King in his sights.

Bryan: Despite all this, we still have a match to finish. Terror's up.

It's almost inevitable that Terror's going to take advantage of this, and he does so by kicking Murray in the back of the leg and elbowing his kidneys. He pulls the Scot back into the ring and smacks him on the side of the head to disorientate him, before dropping him with a sitout facebuster. He hooks the leg.

...1!

...2!

No! Murray kicks out.

Yale: Murray should've just conceded there. No point in continuing whatsoever.

Bryan: I'm going to have to agree with you there, Dave. Valentine should be his number one priority.

Yale: Speaking of Vivica, what the hell is she doing here?! She's up, supporting herself against the cage, waving the medical staff away! For the love of God, woman; take help for once in your life!

On the outside, VJV struggles to make sense of the situation, on the inside, Terror is trying to finish Murray off. He hits an elbow drop before noticing Valentine standing just a few feet away. Slowly he approaches her with a smile. His words are entirely audible.

Terror: Still having fun, V?

His words are enough to spark a fuse inside Vivica J. Valentine. She looks up, still sore, as he turns and continues working on Murray. With all the agility of a zombie, Valentine tries to climb back into the ring.

Bryan: For the love of God, someone stop her!

Yale: They're trying, but she won't let them. This is insane.

Again, Valentine pushes EMTs away as she reaches the door and crawls through. Now, back in the ring, she slowly gets to her feet. The crowd don't have a clue how to react.

Bryan: This is going to end in tears. She's in no condition to be in that ring.

Yale: Meanwhile, Terror is looking to finish the job against Murray.

Bryan: Murray with the punch to the gut though! And another. On his feet know... knee strike, and BAM! What a flowing DDT!

The move knocks just as much air out of Murray as it does Terror, though. Back-down, breathing heavily, he puts an arm over Terror's chest.

...1!

...2!

No! Jay gets his shoulder up.

Yale: He didn't hook the leg, but I'm not sure he has the energy to, JB. Murray's spent.

Bryan: He's had to withstand a lot of punishment here, that's for sure. Can he wrap it up?

'LET'S GO MURR-AY!'

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!

'LET'S GO MURR-AY!'

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!

The crowd give Murray a second wind. Using the ropes he hauls himself up. It takes a few moments for him to get steady, but he eventually does.

Little does he know that Vivica J. Valentine is practically breathing down his neck.

He turns slowly. Almost jumps out of his skin when he sees her standing there, wounded arm clinging tightly to her shirt, forehead already beginning to bruise.

For a few seconds he forgets how to breath.

For a few seconds nothing happens but a swirl of a thousand different emotions behind Vivica J. Valentine's eyes.

And then this happens.

Repentance.

Bryan: ...

Yale: ...

Bryan: WHAT?!

Yale: DID SHE JUST...?!

Bryan: REPENTANCE! STEP-UP ENZIGUIRI! VALENTINE JUST KICKED THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ANDY MURRAY!

Yale: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Bryan: WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?!

Yale: VALENTINE JUST NAILED MURRAY! AND NOW TERROR WITH THE COVER!

Ever the opportunist, Jay Terror rolls onto Murray.

...1!

...2!

...3!!!

ANDY MURRAY ELIMINATED!

The bell rings and 'Who Shot Ya?' fills the air again, but Jay Terror isn't going to stick around in a hurry. As shocked as everyone else in the arena, he slides out of the ring as Vivica J. Valentine stands before her fallen partner.

Bryan: What the hell was she thinking?!

Yale: Murray might have hit her earlier, but even I have to admit that that was a complete accident. This, on the other hand, was entirely deliberate.

Bryan: She just went out of her way to kick her boyfriend in the head and cost him the match. It just doesn't make sense.

Her face is white like a ghost's, and her expression is so conflicted that it's impossible to read.

Yale: We all knew that Valentine was displeased when Murray forfeited last week's match on her behalf, and there's no doubt that him putting her out of the ring tonight would have raised her ire, but this?! Even I'm shocked, JB.

Bryan: And you're certainly not the only one.

A noise unfamiliar to Vivica J. Valentine's ears starts to fill the air.

It grows from one portion of the crowd, then spreads to another. Eventually it's around the arena like wildfire.

It's decibel? Almost deafening.

'BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

Bryan: We're losing feed here, ladies and gentlemen. I'm James Bryan alongside David Yale... and... I-. I'm speechless.

Copyright logo. Fading camera.

Last thing we see is Vivica J. Valentine's upper lip. Trembling.

Back to Top

---

Christmas Chaos 2009 Credits

Introduction by Ben
Ferretts...? by Leah
The Holiday Spirit by Sammie (and that guy who wishes his name was Gerad)
Fake Action Figures by Varga
'Tis the Season (Part 1) by Murrr, Billy, Matt
Dysfunctional Family Reuinion Match by Cheap/Matt
The Ghost of Christmas Past by Billy and Leah
The Weakest Dink! by Ross, Andy O, Matt, Ben, Rob, Shane
Labor + Varga = Match Made In Heaven
2009 Awards Winners: Part I by Ben
Christmas Tree Ladder Match by Chris
A Little Action on Christmas by Kris/Ryan
'Tis the Season (Part 2) by Andy, Billy, Sammie.
2009 Awards Winners: Part II by Ben
Dropkick One, Two, Three Elves and Go For Your Finisher by Kris
Ferret Explosion Averted! by Varga and Leah
Some orders from the new Boss by Dan Black, Axel
You're a Mean One Mr. Jay! by Leah and Dan
Christmas Present From Hell Match by Ben
Sparklelicious by Varga and Leah
Fear Factory by Ross, Andy O, Matt, Rob, Shane
'Tis the Season (Part 3) by Andy & Ross
Lust At First Sight by Joe
2009 Awards Winners: Part III by Ben
Candy Cane Cage Match by Ross
Sparkling Revenge will be done by some Hired Cheap Labor by Varga
'Tis the Season (Part 4)
Rikki Roxx: American Hero by Ben
Willy Wonka Would Be Jealous by Ross, Andy O, Matt, Rob
2009 Awards Winners: Part IV by Ben
Deck the Halls Match by Andy

---

Results compiled and archived with Backstage V2.

 

Home | Contact Us | Site Map | About Us | Backstage | News Feeds

All content © 2001-2010 Global Championship Wrestling